


Wreck

by heeheehoohoo



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pining, Scars, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Starvation, Team Dynamics, Teambuilding, Travel, notasdeepasthesetagssuggest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:48:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27666350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeheehoohoo/pseuds/heeheehoohoo
Summary: The first person he saw was Tanaka, shirtless and reveling in his status. Daichi made a mental note to find an incentive to keep the boys from stripping so frequently. Poor Hitoka would surely have heart palpitations next time somebody so much as breathed near her! Next to him was Hinata, who was putting his volleyball jersey on backwards. He could almost sense the shit-eating grin Tsukishima had to be suppressing at the sight from the other side of the room. Daichi was pulled from his thoughts as a different voice seemed to fill the room with giggles before speaking.“Hinata, that’s backwards.”“Like Jamila.”“Sorry, you’ll have to get used to this.”
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first person he saw was Tanaka, shirtless and reveling in his status. Daichi made a mental note to find an incentive to keep the boys from stripping so frequently. Yachi would surely have heart palpitations the next time somebody so much as _breathed _near her. Next to him was Hinata, who was putting his volleyball jersey on backwards. He could almost sense the shit-eating grin Tsukishima had to be suppressing at the sight from the other side of the room. Daichi was pulled from his thoughts as a different voice seemed to fill the room with giggles before speaking.__
> 
> ____
> 
> “Hinata, that’s backwards.”
> 
> ____
> 
> “Like Jamila.”
> 
> ____
> 
> “Sorry, you’ll have to get used to this.”

It was a sweltering day, and Sawamura Daichi was getting very, very sleepy. He couldn’t quite place why, either. He had a nice cup of black coffee when he woke up, ate plenty of breakfast, and the team’s bickering was lively as always. Even the first years (especially the first years) were trying new things and keeping Daichi on his toes as captain, like always.  
Perhaps, it was the extra time spent researching new techniques the night before that had exhausted him. Maybe the conditioning the team did a few weeks past was finally catching up with him. Maybe he had been eating too much breakfast. 

The blubbering utterances of confusion and discomfort barely raised Daichi’s drooping head. Karasuno’s trial manager was receiving constant advice and assistance from her senior, Shimizu Kiyoko, and today was no different. The younger girl was clearly a mess around so many boys and needed Kiyoko for the insight she could give, as well as the comfort only her presence could provide in a gym full of intimidating boys. A glance in the direction of both managers’ focuses presented Daichi with the least surprising image he could conjure.

The first person he saw was Tanaka, shirtless and reveling in his status. Daichi made a mental note to find an incentive to keep the boys from stripping so frequently. Yachi would surely have heart palpitations the next time somebody so much as _breathed _near her. Next to him was Hinata, who was putting his volleyball jersey on backwards. He could almost sense the shit-eating grin Tsukishima had to be suppressing at the sight from the other side of the room. Daichi was pulled from his thoughts as a different voice seemed to fill the room with giggles before speaking.__

____

“Hinata, that’s backwards.”

____

“Like Jamila.”

____

“Sorry, you’ll have to get used to this.”

____

On a good day, Tanaka’s quips and Kiyoko’s advice might have been enough for Daichi to step in and shield their fledgling manager from the sight of the shirtless young men for at least another day, but the first voice had seemingly transfixed him where he stood. Next to Hinata, who was visibly struggling with his jersey, was Sugawara, who stood with his back exposed to Daichi. Nothing he hadn’t seen before, anyways: it was just Suga! His best friend surely had not nailed him to the ground, but somehow, he felt as rigid as he might the day after a tough match.  
Suga seemed to sense the eyes on him, and quickly covered himself up, plastering on a seemingly pleasant smile for Daichi (knowing him, it probably wasn’t), and sauntered off to help Kinoshita with serving while graciously snatching the younger teammate’s water bottle and hiding it in Narita’s bag. 

____

It was all a big play, and put on for Daichi and whoever else might be watching. Despite the glue holding his feet to the floor, he found himself chuckling at his playful teammate- no, best friend’s- antics. Daichi’s third year on Karasuno’s volleyball team had brought in some colorful characters, but Daichi couldn’t help but feel the team’s oldest member, and in his eyes, the most loyal, was the only one that could always make him laugh. Maybe it was something about his eyes, or the waggle of his brow, or the way his lips turned up just so-

____

_Uh, that’s weird to think about your best friend. ___

____

____

____

By the time Daichi locked up the gym, most of the team had left, including Sugawara and Asahi. At first, he thought he was completely alone, until he heard the shuffle of papers, and saw Kiyoko shuffling papers into her bag half-hazardly. She looked up from the bench at which her knee and bag both perched, and gave a hint of a smile in greeting. Daichi returned it as she shouldered her bag and stood.

____

__

____

“Mind having a walking buddy for the way home?”

____

__

____

____

__

____

By the time Daichi made it home, he realized two things.

____

__

____

_One: Kiyoko lived quite far from everyone, and accompanying her all the way meant a lot of sprinting just to make the last train back. ___

____

_____ _

____

_Two: Although the company was nice and quiet, Daichi hadn't had time alone to himself in quite a few hours. ___

____

_______ _ _ _

____

Opening the door with his key and stepping into the kitchen, Daichi was immediately swarmed by his siblings, clamoring over him for opinions on the best Shrek movie, the worst way to prepare rice, and a ribbon being tied into a knot around his ear. He could spot two middle aged potatoes gently reclining on the family sofa, and settled in to co-parent for the next few hours. After satiating his younger siblings with rice and beans and putting them to bed, he quietly approached the sofa, where his mother and father both slumbered deeply, still in their scrubs.  
Placing an extra blanket over the both of them, Daichi left the room, showered, prepared for bed, and found himself in bed later than usual. For all the running around, Daichi was properly stretched thin, and could’ve fallen asleep right then. In fact, he closed his eyes, allowing the muted violet light painting his room to help him drift off. 

____

_______ _ _ _

____

When Daichi was extra tired, he often found that faint light, diffused through the trees and curtains, would linger past his vision, and transform into whatever dream he would have. Tonight seemed to be no different; with his eyes gently shut, and his body aching, the sharp silhouettes of leaves and curtains seemed to swirl and soften. The violet turned to pink, and the darkness seemed to get brighter. It was like staring at pastel paints, and Daichi was willing letting the soft color to expand and brighten like a new day.

____

_______ _ _ _

____

The pink seemed to get brighter and brighter, before its brightness seemed to fade just a bit, and its richness seemed to gradually ease down. It was like a burning sun had finally cooled, and Daichi settled even more comfortably into his bed as his dream started to provide texture to the faded nougat that dominated Daichi’s mind.  
It wasn’t just a color anymore. It was skin. And it was moving further and further from his sight. It was twisting, a pale back seemingly so far, yet close enough for Daichi’s eyelashes to brush against if they fluttered. Then he did move back, spotting grey hair, then a face, a nose, eyes, a birth mark, lips. 

____

_______ _ _ _

____

_Lips that are very close to mine._

____

_________ _ _ _ _ _

____

_Lips that I want to touch. ___

____

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_Lips I’ve always wanted. ___

____

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

Daichi bolted upright, breathing heavily. He hadn’t been quite asleep, after all. Just a daydream, in the dead of night. Just imagining your best friend’s lips and yours making contact. Just something friends think about when they’re alone. He padded out of his room, and fetched a glass of water, before returning to his bedroom, pulling out his phone. Ignoring the time, he stared for long seconds at his lock screen. Daichi couldn’t seem to help it: he was very much awake, now.

____

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugawara was fucked. Helping Kinoshita's serves had been fun to do even a few minutes after the end of a typical practice, but he did have other engagements. By the time he bothered to look at the time, Suga knew the rest of the day was pretty much, well...
> 
> Fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Small emotional abuse, and very direct self-harm
> 
> I'm new to writing fiction and writing in general so all suggestions welcome :)

Sugawara was _fucked._ Helping Kinoshita's serves had been fun to do even a few minutes after the end of a typical practice, but he did have other engagements. By the time he bothered to look at the time, Suga knew the rest of the day was pretty much, well...

_Fucked._

Gathering his bag in a flurry, Suga dashed out the door, not even bothering to change out of his practice wear. _____Run. Run. Run. _T______ he sprint through the park never managed to ease his tension, but Suga still tried to focus on his surroundings before they faded into the looming shadows of the house. Just maybe, he’d made up enough time, or maybe they weren’t home today. They left his brother home alone many times before. _At least, ever since…_

“I’m home.”

“You’re late.”

Heavy shoes seemed to meet the ground like a slow, heavy drum.

“I’m sorry.”

“Your apologies are shit, son. Don't you realize all the crap that I do for you, out of the kindness of my heart?”

Suga backed up, until his back hit the door. The older man’s sneering face kept approaching, though, waiting for an answer.

“I-”

“That’s okay! You don’t have to worry, Koushi. I just don’t _care_ anymore. I want you to take care of your brother, and make dinner. Can you handle that? Or do you just not want that phone I keep working slave shifts to pay for?” The voice smug, and nauseatingly sweet, barely masking the anger that was stewing underneath. Suga’s back felt like it was burning against the door.

“Yes.”

“Good. Now do me a favor, and get out of my fucking way.”

Suga obliged, and watched as the door shut slowly, like honey. He stepped towards the window, and watched for long minutes, until music started blaring and the car pulled off for "work". Suga held his gaze on the vehicle, one of the nicest things to ever come out of the house in his memory, until even the long shadow from the sinking sun vanished over a distant green hill.

_______________Clear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Suga zoned out making and packing away a dinner he himself would not eat. He held onto hazy feelings through homework, and was just starting to feel exhaustion kick in when the feelings started, and he felt compelled to enter the bathroom.

________________Those feelings._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It was like plastic grinding against his teeth, or wax melting onto a glass, or cup spilling over. It was simply unbearable to try and ignore it. Today, Suga didn't even try to, especially when the disconnected razor blades were beckoning to him like forbidden treasure in the back of his shared bathroom drawer.

_________________Do it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Suga pulled off his shirt, before yanking the drawer open quickly. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The quicker, the better.__________________ He held his breath as he fiddled around for the razor head with the partially disconnected blade- carefully assembled to avoid suspicion- and wiggled it out of place, holding the tiny sheet in front of the pale skin facing him in the mirror.

___________________Get it over with.___________________

___________________Just do it quickly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________DO IT._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________But he couldn’t. He could never be done fast. He could never do it just once, either. He could never prevent himself from looking at his work._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Suga held back a strained sob. The third member of the house would be waking up soon, but Suga wasn’t ready to gather the baby formula he had prepared earlier. He familiarized his index finger and thumb with the opposing sides of the blade, and took a deep breath, tears silently streaming down his face.

_____________________Fuck you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He bent his arm behind himself, and slowly dragged the blade down the middle of his back, nearly gasping through the pain. It was agony, and he was felt warm liquid start to dribble down his back at a glacial pace. He raised his arm and did it again.

And again. And again. And he started to speed up the rakes against his back. And he started to push deeper.

_______________________It’s your fault._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________You brought this on yourself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________Things aren’t getting better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________You’re not wanted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________You’re not needed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________You won’t be around much longer, anyways._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Fuck,” Suga whispered, as the blade went a little too close to his spine. He’d feel that when he got into the shower. Then again, he thought as he turned to look into the mirror, _____________________________________I’m feeling these now _.______________________________________ A deep, jagged gash spewed more blood than normal, and Suga had to hold the sink in front of him while staring at his feet to keep himself standing for long minutes, until working up the courage to turn on the shower. This was the worst he’d done yet. Bile seemed to creep into his throat, and finally, finally, he let his tears loose as the sounds of the shower drowned out his suffering from the rest of the house.

By the time he had cleaned up, fed and cared for his brother, and got into bed, Suga was starting to feel better. The weight of what had transpired in the bathroom was starting to settle in a bit, but he was also settling into his bed, plugging in his phone to recharge and restart, since he’d let it die while he took a long shower to rinse the blood from his back as gently as possible. _______________________________________I have to tell someone,_______________________________________ he finally thought, and the admission of it was relief and a slap in the face all at once. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _How?________________________________________ How could he do it? Would he spill to some random classmate? A teacher? A stranger? Would he just stomach it until it practically burst from his body in an exclamation? What would he say?

_________________________________________Just how am I gonna explain any of this?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Suga’s mind was moving too quickly all at once, and he felt like his comfort was quickly receding, until his phone started to buzz. At first he ignored it, accepting that his phone had successfully recharged. Then he heard another buzz. Then another. And another. And another. He fumbled out of the blankets he’d wrapped himself in, and stared at his screen.

_____________________________________________Seventy new text messages._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Kazuhito Narita has created **Ball Boys ** **********
> 
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **Daichi Sawamura: **Narita what****  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **
> 
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **Ryunosuke Tanaka has changed their name to Bro1 ********  
> **  
>  **  
>  ******  
>    
>    
> 
> 
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **  
> **Kazuhito Narita: **I thought a group chat would be fun for us all to talk outside of practice :D****  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **  
>  **

**Kazuhito Narita has created **Ball Boys****

****Daichi Sawamura:**** Narita what

****Ryunosuke Tanaka has changed their name to Bro1** **

****Kazuhito Narita:**** I thought a group chat would be fun for us all to talk outside of practice :D

****Bro1:**** BRO

****Daichi Sawamura:**** have you done

****Hisashi Kinoshita:**** lol

****Yu Nishinoya has changed their name to Bro2** **

****Bro2:**** BRO

****Daichi Sawamura:**** see what i

****Bro1:**** BRO BRO

****Daichi Sawamura:**** mean

****Kazuhito Narita:**** lol

****Daichi Sawamura:**** even my phone

****Daichi Sawamura:**** doesn’t wanna be a part of this

****Bro2:**** BRO BRO BRO

****Daichi Sawamura:**** ugh

****Chikara Ennoshita:**** rip

****Asahi Azumane:**** rip

****Tadashi Yamaguchi:**** rip

****Kazuhito Narita:**** rip

****Chikara Ennoshita:**** btw none of the underclassmen can make it tomorrow we have extended pretests

****Shoyo Hinata:**** WHAAT

****Tobio Kageyama:**** DO WE HAVE TO

****Kei Tsukishima:**** heh

****Shoyo Hinata:**** so rude!

****Daichi Sawamura:**** again, narita

****Daichi Sawamura:**** what were u thinking making this

****Daichi Sawamura:**** chat

****Chikara Ennoshita:**** rip

****Asahi Azumane:**** rip

****Tadashi Yamaguchi:**** rip

****Kazuhito Narita:**** rip

****Kazuhito Narita:**** sorry captain!

****Kazuhito Narita:**** not really tho id do it again

****Kazuhito Narita:**** but yea we cant make it tmrw :(

****Daichi Sawamura:**** ill check in with the third years then, maybe we can get

****Daichi Sawamura:**** some peace and quiet for once :P

****Bro1:**** BRO BRO BRO BRO

****Daichi Sawamura:**** ugh

****Chikara Ennoshita:**** lol

****Asahi Azumane:**** lol

****Tadashi Yamaguchi:**** lol

****Kazuhito Narita:**** lol

****Kei Tsukishima:**** lol

****

By the time Daichi walked into the gym the next day, he had nearly forgotten about the extra tests for the underclassmen and was mildly surprised to find the place completely empty upon arrival. _This hasn’t happened since last year, at least, he thought. Strolling in casually, Daichi began to comfortably unfold a net, while mentally preparing for the much smaller crowd._

In a way, it was going to be a much needed break. He could set up the court in silence, again. Hell, he could think, again! Without the second-years, Daichi could comfortably settle into what he was doing without fear of the building exploding, but without the first years? He could finally relax without fear of the gym somehow being destroyed structurally. _Another wig incident would be a disaster._ Daichi took in a deep breath, before finally letting his captain demeanor subside for the day. _No distractions._ Just an easy day with the other third years. Just him, Asahi and... Wait a minute.

_Wait._

_A._

_Minute._

“Hey Daichi!”

_Shit. Becoolbecoolbecoolbecoolbecoolbecool._

“Heyahoo.”

_Nailed it._

_…_

“Anyways, so Asahi is busy powdering his nose, and I tipped off Shimizu about the low attendance rate, so I think she’s probably gonna just dip. Any big plans for today, Dai?”

_Cute, he calls me Dai._

_Hasn’t he always?_

_He wasn’t sure._

_No, wait._

_It was between the ride home after the match against Date Tech in their second year and Asahi’s dramatic, but temporary exit._

_Oh, man. He was so whipped._

“Daichi?”

“Hm?”

“You good?”

“Uh, g- yeah, totally, I- groovy as a gumdrop.”

“Wh-“

“So! I was thinking we could just do a few conditioning drills to be active for the day, and then try to find some kind of team bonding activity to do, since we seem to be pretty poor with attendance, these days.” He gestured towards the emptiness of the gym. Suga’s gae followed his arms before he responded.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Yeah?”

_“_ Yeah.”

“Hm, yeah.”

Suga gave him a look that emanated pure emotional exhaustion, before his mouth slid into a grin, and he started giggling, softly. As it gently reverberated through the empty gym, Daichi couldn’t help but think it was the most _beautiful_ sound in the world.

_“_ You’re so strange today, Dai.”

_Let’s do strange things, together._

Suga gave Daichi another odd look, as if he had heard Daichi’s smooth, smooth pickup thoughts. He held his fingers together. _Huh, was Suga trying to tell him something?_

“Hey, Dai, I-”

SLAM.

Takeda strolled into the gym with the swagger of a man who had never graded assignments for teenagers in his life, before promptly collapsing onto a bench and hugging the silver pole that held it up. Long, long seconds passed as the two boys watched him in bewilderment. Finally, he spoke.

“I had somebody cover my room for a bit. Three kids wrote the lyrics of an English song that mentioned _Shawty, like a melody in my head, or something,_ when the question was multiple choice. Why would they write that in? So I’ll be taking a break here while you practice. If you hear any wailing or shrieks, assume I’m falling into a coma and take me off life support. Thanks, boys.” And with that, he promptly shut his eyes, gripped the sleeves of his shirt, and laid atop the bench like it was an exquisite loveseat instead of hard metal. Suga took one look at the man, then at Daichi, then back at their faculty advisor while softly speaking to avoid alerting the distressed older man.

“Five bucks if you hook up that song over the gym’s speakers.”

“We don’t even have speakers.”

“Not yet, we don’t. But if we make enough noise, just the two of us, maybe they’ll see good enough reason to invest.”

“You’re so weird, Suga.”

This time Daichi was giggling, before he was promptly elbowed in the gut by the silver-haired man with a grin on his own face, before he _poorly_ covered it up in favor of a stoic expression with exaggerated down-turned eyebrows directed towards the mopey Takeda.

“He needed the quiet.”

“Totally, and that’s why he came into a noisy gym with the loudspeaker captains to fill that relaxation void he was searching for.”

“Could be.” Suga replied, a fair amount softer than earlier, and without looking Daichi in the eyes.

This time Daichi was sure of what he was seeing. Suga was way too outgoing to switch into a person who acted like they’d never been in the gym before. Something was off. But before he could ask about it further, Asahi finally clangored into the room before being shushed by Daichi and Suga. As he tip-toed forward sheepishly, Suga’s grin returned, and Daichi decide to put the matter on hold.

_At least for now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daichi and Suga finally interact! I have a general idea of where I'm going with this but as always, feedback is greatly appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

“All of you have a permission slip, right?”

“Yes sir!” The team shouted in unison, except for Tsukishima, who remained seated at the bench next to Tanaka and Ennoshita, while Yamaguchi slowly hovered closer during the speech. Ukai seemed satisfied with the general response and looked to Daichi for a few words. Though he wouldn’t admit it, Ukai could tell that although he was Karasuno High’s Volleyball coach, Daichi was _definitely_ the authority figure. _Tough job._

Daichi cleared his throat, and stepped forward where Ukai had previously stood, facing the team while a bright beam of light from the window behind covered his silhouette like a halo of golden warmth. Unsurprisingly, his words felt that much colder on the ears of Hinata, Nishinoya and Tanaka.

“You are all going to get these slips signed by your parents, and your parents, _only_. Before you even think to ask, _no_ , I don’t count as your father.”

Several boys sighed audibly, and from what he could tell, at least six pairs of eyes darted immediately to the vice captain, no doubt plotting to beg for a signature in lieu of trying to get into good graces with their parents. Daichi promptly ignored them.

“When you receive a sign-off, you will bring your slip with you _all the way_ to the bus stop on the _day of the trip_ , along with everything else that you might need for the long weekend. There will be _no_ turning around for forgotten toothbrushes or misplaced pants. You should all be old enough to pack for a cabin trip. Moving on to bus behavior…”

Daichi continue to break down the rules of the trip to the team, while his vice captain proceeded to discretely sign off on Nishinoya and Hinata’s permission slips. If Daichi could see him doing it, Suga reasoned, he either didn’t care, didn’t have enough to hold against him, or actively encouraged Suga to do it by doing nothing about it. He hoped the last option was the closest to the truth.

_Besides, who knows what these guys are going through?_

_This could be just the thing one of them needs for the weekend._

_Totally not just thinking about myself._

Suga had come up with the idea to take the team for a team bonding trip into the mountains, but the fact that he needed to get out of that house like nobody’s business was _purely coincidental_. For sure. And now that the team was committing to it, there was only one task remaining: getting permission.

Granted, Sugawara didn’t really need to get permission. He was already plenty good at forging signatures, and he was sure that if he had to ask, there wouldn’t be much of a big deal in asking him to approve of Suga being gone for a few days. But there was a singultus.

His brother.

Suga’s little brother was old enough for preschool and not much else, and the only person that actually took care of him was, well, Suga. To ask him to take over, and to do it for a whole four days, it seemed _impossible._

As Suga trotted home from practice, he began to rehearse different conversations. Just how many ways would he have to act for a signature and a promise to take care of a baby? It was tough to predict what mood _he_ might be in, and even on good days, short conversations were shaky at best.

Even walking through the door, Suga still wasn’t sure just what to say, but he was more surprised by what he saw in front of him. Quite plainly, it was _repulsive_. There, pressed against the shag carpet, was Sugawara’s guardian, and that woman he sometimes brought around. She wasn’t as intense as him, but from the snippets of conversation Suga had shared with her after walking in on them several times, he could tell she wasn’t a pleasant person. But right now, he was simply _dumbfounded._

Before him, the woman was wearing a high contrast plaid shirt, which wasn’t necessarily bad on its own. But a simple glance showed Suga that she had paired the top with a terrible, awful _neon_ tank top over the shirt like a 90s lumberjack from the waist up. Peeking lower, Suga resisted the urge to completely scrunch his nose up at the woman’s houndstooth mini skirt. Breaking his gaze, Suga bent to take off his shoes, noting the woman had, of course, brought her gaudy, _gaudy_ leopard pumps to match with her leopard scrunchy. _Of course._

Sugawara wasn’t into fashion, especially since he couldn’t afford to, but he would be kidding himself if he didn’t admit to the woman’s sense of style being garish at best. Stepping into the main living room while the tv blared a re-run of _Dateline_ , Suga curiously pondered whether he should pose his question now, or wait until the woman had gone. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get much of a choice, as the weaselly, yet somehow deep and booming voice called out to him like a frat boy _politely requesting_ for his friend to toss a beer.

“Koushi Sugawara, come have a seat with your old man!”

Suga acquiesced. Sorta. The couple was on the ground leaning against the sofa, bare feet pressed together above the faded green carpet, while Suga hovered near them, just in sight of both. The woman looked Sugawara up and down with disdain, as if _his_ arrival had ruined all the fun they’d been having prior to his entrance. She also seemed to be judging his fashion choices, like his athletic clothing could compare to her wardrobe. It really couldn’t.

“How was school, camper?” His guardian stressed the syllables very slowly, as if he was trying to remind how each letter sounded before he spoke. Suga’s phone _buzzed_ quietly against his pocket as he spotted the empty bottle slightly rolling around a foot away.

“It was okay. I have that field trip coming up this Friday for the long weekend, the one I told you about a few days ago?” 

_Liar._

“And?”

“Yeah, I have a permission slip for you to sign off if I can go or not.”

_Buzz._

“Well, far be it from me to keep you from getting out of the house and getting closer to the ladies, huh?” His guardian wrapped a large, greasy hand around the woman’s waist. Finally, she spoke for the first time that day, pretending to whisper into the older man's ear.

“You should show me that fur coat you promised me last time.”

_Buzz._

“You betcha. Fuck it, why wait? Come on, we can put it on now, Suga won’t mind-” he turned to face Suga directly with a cold stare. “Will ya?”

It was _her_ wardrobe they were talking about going through. _Her_ things. The things _they_ weren’t supposed to touch. He'd be better off protesting it, and keeping the moral high ground. _Mom deserves that much._ Instead, he just limply held out the permission slip form with a pen and a cringing smile. The older man took it forcefully, skimmed the page’s contents quickly, and signed the line with a squiggle, before chucking it back into Suga’s face to scramble to catch.

“Now might be a good time to thank me for my generosity, boy.” The woman giggled.

“Th-”

“And call a sitter to take your brother home or something, he’s not spending the weekend here, with us.” _Buzz._

_He wouldn’t even take care of him. Of course he wouldn’t._

“I don’t have any money.”

“Get a job. Otherwise, I can’t promise he’ll be as well-fed as he usually is under _my care_. Especially with the money I’ll be throwing away for you for the next few days.”

Suga was starting to lose it.

_Get out of here._

_Leave._

_Buzz._

“Ok, thank you, Eiji.”

His guardian didn’t respond as he vanished down the hall, heading towards the one room Suga wouldn’t yet enter. Instead, he bolted up the stairs as quickly as he could manage in a quiet manner. Hurling his phone against the pillow, Suga passed his room’s doorframe without a second thought, before coming to a stop across the second story’s hall by another door.

Suga carefully creaked the old wooden door open, wincing as it _creaked_ once, twice, before it was open wide enough for him to sneak through and shut it behind him. It wasn’t like the man going through his _mother’s_ things was actually going to come upstairs for anything, but Suga still enjoyed the added privacy he felt isolating himself and the room from the forces outside. Stepping forward, Suga spotted the tiny crib’s silhouette in front of the bright light peaking through the blinds of the small window.

Everything about the second floor was small to Suga, from his attic-turned bedroom, to the crib, to his little brother resting peacefully inside. He was ready for a decent futon, but Eiji would never drop the cash on something like that. _Not like he's got the money for it, anyways._

If nothing else, his brother would stay comfortable for another year. It really was a miracle the younger boy slept so much; his tears would mean nothing and go nowhere while Suga was gone for the day. Instead, he got to act like a kitten, snoozing away his fears until he needed some attention from his older brother at the end of the day. He envied him, but he still did everything in his power to keep him comfortable, running a gentle finger across the sleeping child’s forehead, before shutting his own eyes tightly. The call to enter the bathroom and use the razor blades was getting worse.

_Maybe this trip will be good for all of us._

By the time Suga had patched himself up again, the general ache from cutting too deep had faded a bit. He’d simply rested on his stomach and let his tears fall quietly against the old wooden floor he chose to lay upon. His brother had been fed, held, played with, and changed for the night, and though it brought Suga relief to hear his brother giggle, he was far from feeling jovial, himself.

Instead, he propped himself up on his left arm, and reached with his right to grab his phone, still resting on his bed from hours prior. The charge was low, but Suga couldn’t be bothered. Scrolling through his messages, he found the group chat, this time only blowing up with about twenty new messages, along with a separate text from Daichi.

 _He doesn’t know any of what’s going on, yet._ What kind of friend was Suga being? Finally, he resolved to typing, and sent a response.

**Conversation with Dai**

**Dai:** Are u still on for the trip?

 **Dai:** don’t think im strong enough to handle them all on my own :0

 **Me** : Im in :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will never use indents sorry formatting is exhausting :p

Daichi woke up to an early alarm on Friday morning. He still had to go through the regular school day first, but surely it wouldn't hurt to be at the gym extra early for morning practice, right?

_Wrong._

Every part of Daichi’s body ached just thinking about getting out of bed, so he opted to leave his alarm running a bit longer while he stared up at the ceiling to adjust his eyes. Waking up before at 3:45 in the morning couldn't have been a worse thing to do. But it gave him extra time to think, something he was increasingly aware of needing to suppress during the day to avoid being hounded by his classmates over his spacey demeanor. If he restricted himself to just the early morning and the late night, he had the freedom to daydream unrestricted.

_Suga and I will be together on top of a mountain._

_Suga and I will be completely unrestricted, especially in the evening when Ukai and Takeda leave for drinks._

_What if he asks to share a futon?_

_Suga…_

What if he confessed to his best friend that he had a deeply rooted crush on this trip? How might it go down? Daichi couldn’t recall a time where he hadn’t felt a twinge of fear in Suga’s presence. The man was an actual maniac, sure, but this was different. Daichi wasn’t just dealing with fear; after all he could handle that. Fear was the feeling of skin being exposed to the inky sensation of the dark. Fear was a specter in the woods. _This was different._

“DAICHI, WAKE UP AND TURN OFF THAT ALARM!”

_Ah._

Daichi finally rolled out of bed, shutting off his alarm before his dad could get up and throat chop him or something, adjusting his vision as he stepped into the hall. He breezed through the kitchen for a light breakfast in order to be in his best shape for the last morning practice for the next few days and sat down at the family table with a granola bar. He was almost content to drift back to sleep right where he was, until he spotted something across the table.

It was shrouded in the darkness of the home, barely visible. But Daichi was sure he had seen something _move_ at the base of the stairs. A robber? A _murderer?_ He squinted to see better but turned up with nothing. He took a cautious second bite of granola, reprimanding himself for being so stupid, and for chewing so loudly as to alert the figure of his presence. He was glued to the chair when a floorboard _creaked_. Then another.

There was padding on the floor. It was light. The intruder had taken off their shoes to be stealthy. Daichi tried to swallow as quietly as possible, before thinking to gently scoot out of the chair. If he could maneuver himself just right, he could do it silently.

What he got was probably the loudest squeal he had ever heard in his life. It _thundered_ in his ears, and he was sure it had reached the far corners of the planet, as the padding on the floor only seemed to grow louder. _Wait_ , where was the intruder? Daichi had lost track of their presence. There were _too many places_ to walk in the house, they could have been _anywhere!_

Now standing, Daichi started to back towards the sink, his socks muffling the sound as he groggily approached the landline phone. If he had enough time, he could just dial the emergency number before he was overwhelmed. He just had to press the buttons quickly and shout the address before it was too late...

The lights _snapped on_ with the force of a clap of thunder. Daichi nearly jumped out of his skin, wheeling around to find the source, frantically smashing buttons on the phone, before settling his gaze on the _intruder,_ ready to put up his final stand.

“Dai, what are you doing up?”

“Holy- I thought you were a lunatic in the house!” Daichi _whisper-shouted_ at his very exhausted father. The older man's expression softened, rubbing his hands over the back of his neck as he responded.

“I think you might have woken up a little too early if that's where your mind went; your alarm woke me up, hence my shouting earlier. Don’t tell me you were trying to watch porn.”

“Dad!”

“Hey, I don’t judge."

"Dad!"

"So long as it doesn’t touch the carpet. Your mother would totally freak.” He gestured with both his arms in the air like a dancing octopus as he continued despite Daichi’s protests.

“I just wanted to get to practice earlier than usual, is all.”

“Uh, huh.”

“Whether you believe me or not currently matters less than why you decided to sneak up on your poor, groggy, overworked son.”

“Aw, poor baby. Did someone finally realize what they were getting into when they became a captain?”

“I expected most of what’s happened, already. actually.”

“Another wig incident?” His father’s voice carried the tone of shock of someone who had lived through the moment after Daichi’s hours of ranting about the subject.

“No, thankfully.”

“Well, then… Oh Daichi.”

“Daaad.”

“Don’t tell me-”

“It’s not a big deal-”

“You’ve finally got a crush!”

Daichi hesitated a moment. Then another, not looking his father in the eye. Finally, he responded with a bashful nod. His father made up for the lack of response with a victorious screech.

“My son, my son! I have to wake everybody up! This is such big news!”

A new voice interjected. “What’s big news?” Daichi and his father both turned back towards the hall with a shared jump, to see the rest of the family all gathered. His mother looked less than ecstatic being up, and was waiting for an answer. Daichi looked back at his father, who nodded his approval, before Daichi looked back to his family to deliver the blaring news.

“I’ve uh, got a crush on somebody.”

His mother’s face dropped its scowl, before her jaw completely dropped. Then she rushed forward, dragging one of his brothers in tow, before clapping him on the back and hugging him tight. It felt... nice. Finally letting go after what seemed like ages, the Sawamura household changed its mood almost instantly. Daichi’s parents started dancing around with his siblings, whooping and hollering despite the time. He was shocked at their behavior, but felt even more embarrassed by the nature of their reactions. He really hadn’t had a real crush like this before. He’d never told his parents about anyone, until now. Finally, his mother spoke up, her voice much lighter than it had been moments ago.

“So! When do we get to meet the lucky lady?”

“Now, dear, it’s just a crush. He hasn’t even bought chocolates and flowers to accompany his love letter, yet.”

Daichi’s little siblings chuckled at their parent’s banter, and at Daichi’s blushing, before he brought himself to speak.

“Well, uh… maybe when I get the guts to actually confess, he’ll visit.”

The room was once again quiet, but far more uncomfortably. The air felt stagnant as Daichi realized what he had said, to his parents and siblings in the middle of the kitchen at 4 am. His eyes clung to the floor like it was a fascinating portrait instead of an escape from what gazes had to be piercing even in the dark of the quiet dawn. His father was the first to speak up, this time.

“Dai, look at us.”

Daichi did as instructed, and stared into his father’s eyes. There were tears falling from them, barely visible under the dim lights of the kitchen. _Oh, no_. He had made his dad cry at the weirdest time of day. Daichi dared not look to his mother, either, despite the quiet sniffle that echoed through the room. This time, his mother and father walked towards him together, stepping up towards him with four pairs of hands outstretched as they each yanked him forward into a three-person hug.

“We love you, so much.”

“And we’re so glad you told us.”

“I was beginning to think you’d never tell us, especially with how obvious you were.”

“Hush, you had no idea, and you know it. Clearly, I had the eye for our son’s love life.”

“That’s why you were talking about grandkids then, huh?”

“Ugh, that could still happen, and if not with Daichi, maybe one of the other kids.”

Daichi politely escaped from the hug, and looked to his siblings, who had already fallen back to sleep on the ground, curling up on the tile in a state of perfect comfort. His mother paused her and her husband's playful bickering to put a hand on Daichi’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry. They won’t be bothered anyways. Besides, you’re probably going to have to walk quickly if you were planning on getting to morning practice this early, anyways.”

“Ah! You’re right!” Daichi practically chucked the landline phone he had still been holding back onto its charger before dashing up the stairs, zipping up all three of the bags he had packed the night before. Hauling them onto his shoulders, Daichi reasoned he’d have enough time to change in the team room once he got there, but needed to hurry. Just before stepping out of the front door, he spotted his parents, now resting on the couch with his siblings. His father turned to him with a smile.

“Enjoy the trip, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little bit of character dev and family!
> 
> gonna draw out the day before the trip like nobodys business lol


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Today marked our last official practice for the next few days, since the trip will start this afternoon. I expect all of you to be ready at the bus stop within ten minutes after the school day ends. Since we have to wait for the regular buses to leave, you all need to bring your stuff and find Asahi’s giant rat head to wait next to.”
> 
> “Hey.”
> 
> “Then, and only then, will our bus pull up. I’ll give another speech then. Any questions?”
> 
> Tanaka and Noya both raised their hands, before stepping forward and placing a hand each on one of Daichi’s shoulders. They looked at each other dramatically, before whipping their heads back to Daichi, shouting their question in unison.

Sugawara was _late_. Morning practice was supposed to start in five minutes, and Suga was practically _sprinting_ through the last neighborhood before his school’s gates came into view. _It’s too late. You’re not gonna make it_. Suga stretched out his legs like a gazelle between strides, dashing like a madman past the little old lady he’d sometimes waved to on easier mornings.

He didn’t falter passing the last house, nor did he slow down to speak to a classmate who called his name. _There will be time to chat later, anyways._ He didn’t slow down as he changed in the club room, and he didn’t slow down as he barreled into the gym just as the clock ticked a minute past. Tanaka, somewhat startled by the loud drum of the gym doors opening, turned to speak to him.

“Oy, Sugawara, you’re la-”

“I’m not late, YOU’RE LATE.” Suga jabbed his index finger at Tanaka incredulously, and practically leapt into the gym to catch up with everything, before settling on hobbling over to help Ennoshita secure the net that Tanaka had been approaching while speaking to Suga. A couple of the boys chuckled as he did this, partly because of the humor behind his words, and partly because of the comically untied shoe laces that nearly tripped Suga outright as he messed with the net. _Some vice, huh._ Just as he deemed it properly set up, Daichi clapped his hands, and called everybody in.

As practice started to progress normally (or _normally enough_ with the hyper-competitive freak duo), Suga settled in to think less of his late arrival, instead focusing on improving his receives and loosening up with serves. After giving Narita another tip regarding hand posture, he finally felt relaxed enough to forget about his dramatic entrance, and started to enjoy the tingle his hands felt after a series of powerful, but accurate serves. With the afternoon trip coming up that afternoon, the excitement in the gym was palpable.

Out of the corner of his eye, Suga could swear he felt _eyes_ on him. Turning towards the corner of the gym, he saw Daichi with an almost unreadable expression. His eyebrows were turned up somewhat, and his smile slightly creased his eyes. At Suga’s returning gaze, he broke eye contact and began to scold Kageyama and Yamaguchi for standing still for too long. Suga quietly chuckled at the sight, and picked up another volleyball. If this was their last official practice for the next few days, he was going to _earn_ that time off.

“Alright, guys, that was a good practice, today. As Noya keeps bothering everybody about it-”

“Hey!”

“Today marked our last official practice for the next few days, since the trip will start this afternoon. I expect _all of you_ to be ready at the bus stop within _ten minutes_ after the school day ends. Since we have to wait for the regular buses to leave, you all need to bring your stuff and find Asahi’s giant rat head to wait next to.”

“Hey.”

“Then, and _only then_ , will our bus pull up. I’ll give another speech then. Any questions?”

Tanaka and Noya both raised their hands, before stepping forward and placing a hand each on one of Daichi’s shoulders. They looked at each other dramatically, before whipping their heads back to Daichi, shouting their question in unison.

“Will Shimizu-san be on the bus with us?!”

Daichi looked incredulously at the two of them, before quietly responding.

“Yes.”

Whoops and shouts resonated from more than two people in the building, and Daichi felt a incomprehensible emotion watching the scene. Finally, he grew tired of the noise, and chose to silence them with his quiet, threatening voice.

“She will be sitting with Yachi and sleeping in a _separate_ cabin.”

The results were relatively effective, as most of the celebration died on impact, and Tanaka and Noya sighed deeply, before straightening back up and speaking-once again- in unison.

“She could join us for food and invite one of us to guard her walk back!”

The rest of the team chuckled and made jokes about the duo’s poorly made plans, like usual, and Daichi grinned at the sight. He wasn’t going to have much more of this time, so he wanted to enjoy what he had for as long as he could. However, he did want to get out of his gym clothes, so he clapped his hands again, and called over the rest of the boys.

“Alright, we need to clean this place up completely. There’s not much time until school starts, and I don’t want your stenches lingering all day and onto the bus, so get moving!”

Everybody started to get to work, again, while Daichi took a second to take it all in. It really wouldn’t be much longer until all of this was long _behind_ him. It still didn’t feel real. Graduation just wasn’t something he could picture, and he found himself staring at the one silver-haired setter he could always find comfort in. Telling him everything didn’t feel real, either.

Evidently, Suga had some kind of superpower, as he turned around from the middle of a conversation with Hinata and faced Daichi with another one of his _soul-piercing_ stares.

“Daichi, are you gonna help clean up or just stare like a creepy, old man?”

_Ah._

“Coming!”

Once the gym was finally cleaned up in record time (trip excitement did miracles for the storage closet), the team quickly filtered out, while the third years continued to pick up stray balls. Suga leant down to pick one up, before checking the time and throwing said ball high into the air and dashing towards the door.

“I’m sorry, guys, but I promised a classmate I’d give her my notes for English! Is it okay if I dip?”

“Don’t mind,” Asahi and Daichi said together with quiet smiles. Suga didn’t slow down to respond, and quickly vanished from the gym. A second passed, before the ball Suga had thrown lande directly on Asahi's head, before gracefully falling into the ball basket next to him.

""Jeesh, some aim!" Asahi lamented. Daichi let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and picked up another stray ball.

“You know…” Asahi started.

“If you’re mad about me calling you a giant rat headed man, I don’t regret it for a second. I’d do it again.”

“So rude!" The taller man pouted like a big puppy. "But that wasn’t what I was gonna say.” Asahi paused, looking Daichi in the eyes as he verbalized his thoughts. “You’ve been acting really weird today. At first, I thought you were stressed or something, but the past few days I’ve been noticing you kinda just, spacing out. You know?” Daichi placed a hand on the back of his neck. “Well…”

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m stalking you or anything! I just thought you should know that if you need anything, I’m here.”

“Wow, Asahi, that was actually pretty heartwarming.”

“Dick.”

“I could cry; my own stalker is there for me.”

“Were it not for the laws of this land-”

“What would you do? Hug me to death like a giant gangly bear?”

“…”

“That’s what I thought.”

“At least I don’t zone out like I’m on an episode of The Twilight Zone.”

Come on Daichi, just tell him.

“… I have a crush on Suga.”

“HUH?”

“Yeah…”

“Honestly, I can see that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I always got the vibe you weren't straight, and you have been staring off _mostly_ in his direction, plus you two have always been waaay closer, even if you haven’t been in as much contact, lately.”

“Stalker.”

“Psh, you’re just so obvious about your crush I just couldn’t help but take it all in, lover boy.”

Daichi promptly chopped Asahi in the neck.

Suga was starting to feel the energy rush he gained from practice start to fade. He had put in _a lot_ more effort than he realized at the time, and hadn’t stopped moving until the school bell actually rang. He still had the trip to look forward to, and he was almost certain the evening drive would not be kind to his back. Now, after two classes had come and gone, Suga was desperate for a nap. As he finished his last test of the day and turned it in to the teacher, he calmly sank back into his chair, and started to let his eyelids slowly close, until he drifted off to…

_Bzz!_

Suga’s eyes shot wide open, and he quietly pulled out his phone to check for the new message. When he read ‘YOU NEED TO COME HOME NOW,’ he shot up from the desk, and started to pack up his things. His teacher merely raised an eyebrow at the sight, until Suga walked up to her, and whispered to her quietly. To Daichi- who was similarly waiting for the testing period to end from the back desk in the room- Suga’s sudden movement was worrying. He could vaguely make out his phone in one hand with a messaging app open. Before he could even think about doing anything about the situation, Suga briefly turned back to face Daichi directly. His face was so…

_Alarmed._

That face didn’t belong to Suga, and it wasn’t one he could honestly remember seeing, often. His friend’s face looked twisted up; his brows were upturned and furrowed together, while his bottom lip barely parted until Daichi realized his lips were still moving. He was mouthing something.

_I’ll explain later._

Not a second passed between Daichi reading his lips before Suga turned on his heel and stormed out of the room like a flurry of wind arriving before a summer monsoon. The whole sight was almost too much to process for Daichi, who’d been slipping off for the past five minutes. The sudden shift in energy from his best friend was nothing short of… well… _alarming._

The testing period finished _much_ later, as their class had been under a block schedule, much like the underclassmen had days prior, and Daichi shuffled off to lunch in a daze. He’d been unable to get to nap, and he’d been worried about Suga. Who could possibly send a text to get him out of class like that? His teacher hadn’t even batted an eye. Then again, Daichi thought, Suga’s charm was probably enough for any teacher to let him out of class, excuse or not.

_Shit, he was so whipped._

But the way he’d watched Suga clench the phone in his hand was worrying. He hadn’t just _chosen_ to walk out. He read something important. Who else in Suga’s life had that impact? Daichi suddenly realized that he didn’t know all that much about Suga’s life outside of school and volleyball. Sure, he knew his favorite food, and his love for mischief, but while Suga had visited the Sawamura household on more than one occasion, Daichi didn’t even know where he lived, let alone what his parents were like. Did he have siblings? Pets? What did his room look like?

 _Was crushing on him really a worthy thing to do with the little he seemed to know about him?_ Suddenly, Daichi wasn’t so sure. Yes, Suga was always there for him, and one of the only players to stick with him through the nightmare that was their second year. And Daichi had to admit that Suga had become fairly engrained in Daichi’s waking life. But was he in enough of Suga’s to matter?

_Snap out of it._

Daichi pulled out his phone, and found Suga’s contact, with a contact photo taken from an old photo Suga once showed Daichi on his own phone for Daichi to snap a picture of. Tapping as he walked, he sent a message.

 **Me** : Hey, i know you said youd explain later, but are you okay?

Almost as soon as the message had sent, Daichi saw a small line of text on the bottom of his screen.

_Read at 12:23._

By the time the last class of the day started, Daichi was a complete mess. He’d shown Asahi the message he’d sent, and his taller friend’s shrug had done nothing to help his nerves or conspiracies over what happened to Suga. It just wasn’t like him to _up and leave_. And this far into the day, Daichi was worried Suga wasn’t going to make it onto the bus with the team. And what would happen then?

Would he have to wait for the _entire_ long weekend to speak to his friend? What if he didn’t get service? Could he even leave Suga like this? What if he couldn’t find out what had happened? What would he tell the others?

In any case, Daichi would have to wait until he got out of class, but the clock only seemed to slow down further. It was like it was playing in slow motion, and if Daichi turned to look at it, it would surely stop outright. He just had to wait.

And wait.

_And wait._

His class wasn’t helping, either. His teacher had been kind enough to hand out simple busy work, but after Daichi blasted through it in the first twenty minutes, it was like he was stuck in purgatory. His teacher, an older woman with a gentle smile, seemed to notice his tense behavior, and reached towards her desk for something. Daichi actually brought himself out of the funk he was in to watch what she was doing. _Maybe she was looking up Suga’s attendance right to confirm that this was just going to be a one-time thing. Wait, no, he had a different teacher._

Maybe, she was going to look up how to help a distressed teenager in need. Was that what he was? He felt like he put up a pretty decent front for the people around him, though Daichi could sense his shoulders only rising closer to his ears as the painstakingly sluggish minutes dragged forward.

 _Maybe, she's looking up the staff number for Takeda._ Surely, his teacher was aware of the trip and was going to send him down to visit the staff chaperone with all of Daichi’s fidgeting. He flicked one of the fingers, and lowed both of his arms below the desk. It wasn’t that he was losing his external cool that much, but he needed to know just what this woman was typing!

She hesitated a moment. Then another. She raised a finger to her chin, and pretended to stroke a fine beard, before finally returning to typing. She cast yet another kindly glance at Daichi, in the way that a person looks at a dog in a shelter before moving on to a more appealing animal. Finally she spoke up.

“Sawamura, I think you’ll quite like this. You’ve been looking sour all class, but this will surely brighten your spirits!”

Daichi could feel his hope starting to reform in his stomach. What was she about to do? Was it a distracting video to keep his mind off of things? A video chat? Had she somehow spoken to Suga? Without another word, his teacher _proudly_ thumbed the spacebar on her keyboard, and the speaker system began to play a low, drumming song.

It was jazz.

_Smooth jazz._

Daichi hated jazz.

His hope extinguished, Daichi’s shoulders seemed to raise over his head, and his foot began to tap aggressively at the floor. His teacher watched him with delight, placing both hands together.

“I guess you really like it, huh!” She exclaimed. He looked back at her, and felt like melting. She was _way too nice_ , and she was just trying her best. Daichi was afraid she’d up and die if Daichi rebuked her sweet attempts at helping him.

“It’s… not usually my favorite, but I _like_ the beat,” Daichi found himself saying. He thought that was a decent response, and he flexed a pleasant smile to convey his enthusiasm. She merely frowned, however.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll just find a better one, then.”

_No._

_Why._

_Help._

_Somebody save me._

He looked to his classmates, but found that most of them had put in earbuds and continued their work. And he was seated at the front of the room, this time. Directly in front of this _poor_ , nice, completely _misunderstanding_ teacher.

“Ok, sounds great!” He responded before he could even think.

His teacher hummed as she seemingly scrolled through dozens of songs, before picking another one.

“How about this?”

It was awful. The worst. _Nothing_ could have prepared Daichi for how bad of a song it was. It wasn’t even good for typical jazz standards.

“Not bad!” Daichi felt like punching himself in the face. He should just tell her he prefers different types of music. Anything else.

“Ooh, a real jazz fan, eh? I have to try extra hard then to find one to satisfy the _jazz man_!”

Daichi wanted to die. This lady was just too nice. She was way too bubbly and thoughtful and misguided and Daichi felt like he was doing something wrong. He needed to just come clean and maybe encourage her to just play some quiet study music for the other kids in the room.

“You know me so well, haha, I guess I’m the _jazz man_.”

Now he was in too deep.

“Okay, how about this one, then?”

The rest of the class period was actual _torture_. Daichi was sure he’d read about torture during war times, and that whatever he’d gone through would beat that. _Probably_. His poor, nice teacher had spent the entire period browsing through various, awful jazz songs, and Daichi kept formulating terrible awful lies to make her feel more appreciated for her efforts. Her smile was just too nice to insult.

By the time the period ended, he had given an enthusiastic enough response to one particular song that played over the speakers. His teacher had raised her hands into the air and proclaimed success in a quiet, ridiculous way that Daichi was sure he’d relive watching until he died. But as the bell rang and he thanked his poor, poor, _poor_ nice teacher, he gained new purpose. He needed to grab his packed bags out of his locker and head to the bus quickly.

By the time he reached his locker, he was already starting to breathe out of his mouth, but he needed to get to the bus loop quickly. Quickening his strides, he bypassed the sluggish crowds and started to hobble as quickly as his extra bags would allow him to go as he approached the loop. He could already make out Asahi’s intimidating silhouette.

By the time he reached his friend, he was out of breath, and took a minute to recuperate. Asahi stared at him with a grin.

“You do know we still have to wait for the other buses, right? Pretty sure somebody made a big fuss about it, actually.”

Daichi didn’t even look up before he jabbed his hand into his taller friend’s side, eliciting a quiet yelp. Finally standing up tall, again, Daichi looked around. Most of the team started to fill in, each with their own bags in tow. Daichi kept an eye out for everybody, but still wasn’t seeing who he was really looking for.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked up, rounding out the team to just about everybody.

He checked his messages, again. Nothing. Sending out another text, Daichi looked back up to greet Takeda and Ukai, who arrived together. As Daichi began to pull out his attendance sheet, he began to accept that Suga wouldn’t be joining Daichi for the next few days. He wouldn’t be telling Suga anything, then.

“Yo, Daichi!” A familiar voice called. He whipped his head a full 180 degrees to see two figures heading towards Daichi, bags in tow.

“Sorry we’re late, Noya’s lock was a jammed and we had to call a janitor.”

“I was worried you weren’t going to make it.”

Suga held an unreadable expression. Guilt? Pain? Anger? Fear? Daichi just couldn’t tell, before Nishinoya responded for the both of them.

“Yeah, it was totally stuck, right? But then Suga apparently knew the janitor well enough to ask for help. But don’t worry, bags or not, I wouldn’t have missed this!”

Suga began to grin, again, and Daichi felt himself doing the same out of pride for his team’s enthusiasm, before calling out loud enough for the rest of the team to hear over the looming buses that had just started to drive out of the loop.

“Alright, everybody in! I need to take attendance.”

Daichi blasted through the short roster, and allowed Ukai and Takeda to take the reigns with short speeches about what was to be expected during the team-building trip. Everybody had delivered their permission slips to Daichi, who noticed that more than half of the sheets seemed to use the same dark blue pen, and a quick speech about managing money for food and other expenses was delivered just as a new, silver bus pulled forward behind Ukai, Takeda and Daichi. A man with a simple cap stepped out, and pulled open a door underneath all of the seats, revealing a cargo space. He turned towards the boys with a smile, and spoke aloud.

“Need a ride?”

The team surged past Ukai, Takeda and Daichi, and began to fling all of their items inside. Kageyama was _briefly_ included with the luggage, before shouting and emerging to chase Hinata and Tanaka onboard. Just as Kiyoko and Yachi stepped forward to include their luggage next to Ukai and Takeda’s, Daichi felt a gentle tap on the shoulder, and turned. Suga was facing him with a wistful smile as the breeze lightly tousled his silver hair around comfortably.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Checking in. I’m sorry I didn’t respond… things just got a little, well, busy.”

Daichi felt warmth in his cheeks for the first time since he had spoken to his parents early in the morning. _Whoa, was that really this same day?_ It had been a long time, and it was still relatively early in the afternoon. Daichi smiled back at Suga.

“I’m just glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.”

Suga was the last person to place his bags onto the bus, taking a quick look at the sky, before looking back towards the bus. Daichi was waiting for him at the door, and allowed Suga to step on, first, carrying a pack with him. It wasn’t uncommon for Daichi and Suga to share a bus seat, _even with extra seats available_ , and Suga picked a nice and empty one near the front. There wasn’t anybody in front or behind for a few rows, and Daichi was more than happy to have the alone time with Suga.

As the door shut behind him, he stepped towards the seat chosen by his best friend. But before he said anything, he just stared. Suga’s face was turned ever so slightly away from Daichi as he rooted through his bags for something to grab during the ride. He looked so... _sad_. Daichi could feel his pain from the distance he stood at, and decide to try and help the only way he knew how, bridging the gap between the two of them and patting Suga on the shoulder.

The other man practically _leapt_ from the seat he was perched on, swiveling towards Daichi like a gun had just gone off. Daichi’s heart panged with guilt the second he realized what he’d unknowingly caused. Suga merely stared at him for a moment, his back pressed against the window, and his breathing irregular. _Was he... mad?_ _Scared?_ Quietly, he uttered one word, before shuffling his hands into his pockets.

“Sorry.”

He took another second, merely staring at Daichi, before he settled down, wordlessly pulling a pair of headphones out, and handed Daichi his bag. He took it graciously, placing it in the overhead area, and they both settled into the seat. As the chatter of the rest of the team faded behind the tall seats, Daichi and Suga seemed to exhale out at the same time, both relaxing after the incident that had just occurred. It hadn't started yet, but with the way Suga was acting, Daichi could already tell their trip would be _interesting..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trip is just just starting, but I'm def dragging things out a little bit! I'm starting to push myself into writing longer chapters, and this one feels relatively put together lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The windows were too bright to see out of, and he was distinctly put off by the slightly too large living space. Warily, he headed upstairs to check on his brother, like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this since I wrote it at 2am lol  
> TW: Hints to abuse and self-harm, but very light

Sugawara was dreaming. He had to be. As he scanned around, he was almost certain he could not possibly be awake. The house was bigger than it usually was, and he could swear the walls were _never_ painted in such a deep amber shade. Suga felt at ease, here. Wherever here was, it was distinctly _wrong_.

No, Suga was definitely dreaming, and this was definitely some projection of his subconscious or a nightmare. The windows were too bright to see out of, and he was distinctly put off by the slightly too large living space. Warily, he headed upstairs to check on his brother, like always.

He was greeted not by his brother, or even his brother’s room, but simply by a sensation. It was humming. _No, flickering._ He was looking at both something in the dark and nothing all the same. But there was something there. He could _feel it_. Writhing.

Suddenly, the force seemed to lurch forward, towards Suga. Was it his younger brother? A feeling? A choice? It was appearing to him, now; a face, _flickering_ by the light of a fire. For all of the seconds he looked at it, he saw his own face, and maybe for the time Suga knew he was dreaming, it very well could have been.

But he was distinctly aware that it wasn’t. It was anybody else; he was looking at a stranger. No, _someone he once knew_. Someone from a lifetime past, or a day yet to come. The face shifted again.

This time, it was a woman’s. Her hair was long, her skin pale. She watched Suga without emotions. Was he dreaming after all? He felt as though he should say something to this _person_. She felt different. The relationship he had to this person- he couldn’t remember anymore. Her hair began to blow against the fire, creeping towards him. Was he really dreaming? Suga was pinned- not to wood or metal- but to the void that was begging to pull him close.

Instead, he was falling sideways. Had he always been falling? Or was he gravitating? The face came closer. He was being pulled towards it. _To her_. Silver hair tightened around his limbs, and she twitched once, twice. He wanted to scream. The face suddenly displayed emotion. Happiness. Pain. Fear. Tension. Anger. _Guilt._ She was beautiful and haunting all the same. Her hair fell from her head, and her eyes rolled into her head. What was Suga there for, again?

He was in a different room. The walls were teal, and a person stepped in front of him, this time with a full body attached. It was familiar, too, and more current. But his features were different. Suga stared up at a wide grinning face with no eyes. Veins were overwhelmingly visible across the cheeks, which blushed intensely. 

It was all wrong. _He_ was all wrong. But then he was normal. The face had been like that every time it had looked at Suga. It had _always_ seemed hungry and venomous, and Suga wasn’t sure whether the person had want for him, nor _if_ it wanted at all. He offered a hand, before it seemed to burn away, partially. Suga did not recoil his hand.

The person reared back, and Suga burned through the figure, who flickered in and out of sight. The room began to shift, and a voice began to _wail_ directly into Suga’s eardrums. The last thing he saw before he left the room was a pair of sunken eyes melted into the walls. They were crying.

Suga was somewhere different, now. It was almost too bright, before his vision settled on a bed adorned with a mint blanket and an outstretched hand. He knew where he was this time.

“Suga.”

His eyes began to hurt, as hot tears welled up. The figure in the bed was reaching forward. _For him_. He was still stuck to the bench. He was stuck.

Instead of stepping forward, Suga looked down to his hands as his tears fell. The wailing was in his other ear, now, ringing like a kettle getting too hot. His tears were burning holes into his hands like a tattered sheet of paper. The wails were too loud. _Stop._

The woods were quiet. All was quiet. He did not know if he should have been expecting a sound in his ears or not. Was he supposed to? All he knew was he was running.

Running.

_Running._

He was headed down the grass of a cold and lonely hill. _No, not a hill_ , but a mountain. The grass was wet under his feet, and in his field of vision, there were things following closely. Small creatures, _bright as the moon_. They were wolves. Following him.

He tripped and lost his sight. He was falling down the mountain. Grass turned to snow, and the wolves were gaining. Suga was aware of his body flailing. He was falling. _Maybe he was always falling._ The wolves were closer than before. Soon they could cover enough distance to overtake him. When his body stopped _moving_ , he would let them.

Suga landed in a heap by the light of a lantern. When he raised his head, he stared at a stationary, white wolf. It simply stared back at him, as if pondering him. Suga inched towards the _light_. It inched towards him. He inched back towards the wolf. It started to _fade away._

Suga looked back at the light. It was bright, but not overwhelming. Its color was a soft yellow, and Suga felt warmth cradling him as he held his gaze on it. The other wolves arrived.

They were moving closer. Suga simply held the light. He felt that whatever would happen would happen in the way it did. Suga was simply considering the weight of the lantern, aware but unwilling to face his pursuers. They would close in any second.

Instead, a figure fell next to him. It was familiar, too. A person? Someone he knew? _A boy?_ They were rising to their feet, and they turned towards Suga.

Red lines were falling from the sky like waterfalls. The figure faced Suga, and took a step forward. Then another. Suga became more and more aware of the flickering on the person’s body, his own ragged breathing on the wolf behind him and the burning of his back. The kettle boiled over.

Suga awoke _violently_ , shivering off his drowsiness. The gentle shake of the bus pulled him back to reality, as he felt tears- cold ones now- filling his eyes. His hands were shaking. He was distinctly aware of his body being intertwined with Daichi’s- the other’s head resting on his shoulder. With the other seemingly unaffected by Suga’s actions, he quietly began to murmur gentle words to himself.

“You’re okay. You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

His breathing slowed, and a tear streamed down his face. _She_ had been in his dream, again. Her hair had been pulling him in, this time. Suga thought leaving for the trip would help relieve him of his nightmares. Evidently, he’d been _wrong._

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

His hands were rearing back to hit him again. He held back another tear, and felt his face contort in the dark, quiet bus as it drove along through quiet backroads and neighborhoods on their journey. He was far away from _him_.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

“Suga…”

Daichi’s voice shocked Suga, who jumped a bit from his seat, successfully half-waking Daichi from his slumber. Instead of lifting his head from Suga’s shoulder, he merely turned and burrowed into the silver haired boy’s clavicle. He sleepily addressed Suga.

“We there, yet?”

“Not quite, big man.” Suga's voice quivered, but Daichi made no note of it.

“I’m not Asahi…” Daichi barely mumbled with the eloquence of a toddler.

“Of course not.”

“That rat bastard better not be stealing my best friend.”

Suga’s heart gently welled up with pride, a strange mix with the panic he was feeling.

“Wouldn’t let him if he tried.”

“Can I get a... quote of you sayin' that?” Daichi was barely avoiding slurring his words.

“Remind me in the morning. You should go back to sleep.”

“What are you doing awake?”

Suga looked down at him. Daichi was still a bit sleepy waiting for an answer, but his brows were furrowed together, as a difficult question were keeping him awake.

“... Nightmares...”

“Hm… I’ll chase em away. ’m sorry.”

Suga gelt a tiny grin cross his face as he addressed the dazed man next to him.

“Why’s that?”

“I didn’t want you scared when I touched you.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re sleeping on that same shoulder now, anyways.”

“Whaaat. No way.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight Dai.”

Suga patted Daichi’s head gently, before sliding himself to lean more onto Daichi to counter the weight that was pushing against him. Daichi remained unchanged as Suga stared out the window while his knees lodged themselves firmly against the seat in front of the two of them.

He tapped his finger to his ear, noting the earbud still loosely lodged into place. He blindly grasped around for the chord, until he secured it, wrapping two fingers around the other earbud, before placing it and turning on his phone. Searching on his phone, he looked for a song.

Though he didn’t make the practice public, Suga had always played music after something serious happened. It felt _comfortable_. He’d be surprised if others didn’t do it. And after the dream(s) he’d had, it called for a _special_ song to listen to, one to bring the emotions he'd been having now back into his mind even days later. He browsed quickly, before he turned on the song that seemed right for his mood.

 _‘Forever’_ by Pete Drake began to play through his earbuds, gently performing with the shuddering sounds of air conditioning and wheels on a road. _He’d remember tonight._

Suga set his phone down on his lap, resting his back fully against Daichi, who didn’t budge against Suga’s resting weight. He stared out of the window comfortably, letting a memory flash through his mind, before fading again as the window's view changed from distant homes to thick trees.

_She’s gone._

It was still dark out when harsh braking hurled Daichi into the seat in front of him. Crumpling his body together on the floor of the bus, Daichi thought he saw at least eight or nine other bodies in a similar state as him. Quickly recovering his dignity _and_ his title as captain, Daichi stood up, facing Suga, who’s knees had lodged him firmly in place in spite of the quick stop. He looked exhausted, but greeted Daichi with a pleasant smile.

The whir of the bus doors opening brought both of them to reality, and they wordlessly rose before going about rousing the other boys in the rows behind them. Hinata and Yamaguchi had stayed up through the ride, but were reasonably acting the part, manic and _jittery_. Suga gave Hinata about five more minutes of actual consciousness, though, and quickly got him up while Daichi ferried out some of the second years.

By the time the team had completely exited the bus and gathered all of their luggage, Takeda had approached Daichi and Ukai with four keycards in his hands. “I have one key for the _managers_ ,” he quietly announced as he handed his key to Shimizu, who grabbed Yachi and booked it towards a series of cabins. Daichi clearly wasn’t the only one in need of a real bed.

“Then there’s this one for Ukai and I,” Takeda continued. “And these two are for you, boys.” He handed two keycards to Daichi. “You’re booked in the _furthest_ cabin of the trail. I think they knew we'd be bringing a loud group. Since the party is large, we had to book it for two big rooms with a series of futons to share.” Ukai cut in to speak. “Between us, Sawamura, nobody’s judging if you need to take that second room all for yourself. It looks like Hinata is about to lose his lunch on somebody.”

Daichi chuckled, before bidding goodnight to Ukai and Takeda, and rallied the team for their early morning march to the cabin. As he sleepily trudged onward, Suga fell into step with him, comfortably. Wordlessly, Suga stared up at the sky, prompting Daichi to do the same.

“Oh, wow.”

 _Thousands_ of stars littered the night sky. They were barely fading with the light of dawn creeping in, but Daichi felt he could stare until entire galaxies presented themselves to him. _It was beautiful._ Daichi felt he could look at it for hours, until Hinata and Asahi both bumped into his stationary form.

“Oy, Daichi, if you’re gonna stare all night, at least give the keys to the co-captain or me!”

Daichi didn’t even have it in him to return the joke, and rejoined Suga, who had kept walking further up ahead. The dark looming form of the cabin was beckoning to the team like a fluffy pillow, or a warm blanket. Their feet dragged through damp grass, but the promise of a better place to sleep kept the boys parading onward. Daichi and Suga pulled ahead, _finally_ reaching a dark, wooden door with a small, red light shining back at them from the side of the wall.

Quizzically, Daichi held up one of the cards he was given, and the light turned _green_ just as the door unlocked. Quiet, _exhausted_ celebration sounded from a few boys behind him, but nobody pushed Daichi forward. Instead of rushing inside, Daichi simply told everyone to drop their stuff and get to bed. They’d have all weekend to readjust sleeping their sleeping arrangements.

The boys quietly heeded Daichi’s words, and bags were systematically dropped by the door. Nobody dared turn on a light, and both Daichi and Suga set about instructing the other boys on arranging the futons in the large room that they had stumbled upon. Daichi’s lids were slowly closing over his eyes, and he felt sleep would surely retake him any minute.

Finally, _finally,_ all the futons were arranged and rearranged to fit everybody into place. Daichi didn’t even bother to speak further to anybody else, and _nobody_ bothered to call out about it. Bodies simply fell into place, and people started sleeping. Suga quietly chuckled as he watched Hinata's foot rest directly on top of a passed out Tsukishima's forehead, before he spotted Daichi fall into a futon in front of him. He rose from where he stood to join his usual partner, until Tanaka and Nishinoya beat him to it, lazily draping themselves over the captain, neither fully on the futon, but neither willing to move someplace better. The room was quiet.

Suga laughed to himself again, holding a quiet smile as everybody finally settled in for the next few hours. Performing a final, silent body count to make sure everyone was accounted for and asleep, Suga headed to the bathroom. He stared for long seconds into the mirror, before placing a small bag onto the counter. He quickly tore past the razor heads, until he found what he was looking for, quickly pulling the toothpaste from its resting place. _Not tonight._ After he had brushed his teeth, Suga stepped back into the room, settling onto the empty futon Tanaka and Noya had created by crashing on top of Daichi. He had made it. He was _here_. As he lay in thought, Suga allowed a gentle smile to rest on his face as he drifted off for a dreamless night.

He was the last person to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally make it! The trip will be pretty drawn out, since there's a few things I want to have happen, but any suggestions or feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	8. FIRST DAY OF TRIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evidently, the resort that Karasuno’s Volleyball club had decided to spend four days at- praised online for its hospitality and culinary achievements- failed to provide on Sugawara’s one critical concern: spice. While the rest of the boys loaded their plates with sweet omelets and fish, Suga found himself sitting at a table on his own with just a cup of water. I’m not hungry. Just say that. Or make a joke about there not being any real food. Or…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Eating disorder, hints of self-harm

It was a gloriously chilly morning, and Daichi was buried under two terrible, terrible second years. In his hazy state, Daichi almost considered allowing Tanaka and Nishinoya to continue taking up residence on his neck and thigh, respectively. _Almost._ But when Tanaka released a mighty snore followed by a quiet toot, the captain shot up from the futon with lightning speed, accidentally dragging both second years with him. Nishinoya woke up in the process, while Tanaka merely snaked both hands around Daichi’s neck, practically choking the captain while unconscious. Noya spoke up irritably at the sudden movement.

“Oy, what the hell, Daichi!”

“Noya, go back to bed.”

“I can’t! Daichi decided to lift weights at a stupid hour.”

“Oh, my god, shut up.”

“You shut up!”

With that, the whole team began to wake up, and _groggily_ at that. Ennoshita took once glance at Daichi’s motionless goat stare and Tanaka’s death grip before padding over on both feet to pry his peer off their poor captain. It was like trying to peel an octopus from its prey- limbs flailing around and regripping over poor Daichi, who wasn’t even awake enough to use his _angry voice_ to scare off the younger boy. Finally, Ennoshita secured one arm around his own, and Nishinoya hobbled over (after laughing), grabbing the other, until they managed to rip him off Daichi’s body.

Exhausted, all three boys (and Tanaka) merely collapsed on the futon, watching as the rest of the team started to get moving after being stirred by the commotion. Daichi checked the time, sighing as the clock barely struck 8:30. He’d hoped everybody could sleep a little longer than that, but took comfort in knowing his sleep schedule wouldn’t be too changed throughout the trip. _At least everybody made it._

Daichi’s eyes drifted around, suddenly realizing he’d not seen his vice-captain. His eyes darted around. Kageyama and Hinata bickered to his left. _Nope._ Narita and Asahi chatted to his right. _Not there, either._ Daichi rose from the futon, scanning, still. He turned all the way around as Ennoshita moved to grab his phone. As he passed, Daichi caught a hint of silver. _There._

Suga was seated on an empty futon, looking at his phone with a fading smirk before his eyes turned up to Daichi. His eyes held Daichi’s gaze, before he turned his phone around, displaying a picture of Daichi minutes earlier, with Tanaka and Nishinoya both bordering the frame. Daichi smirked at the sight, mirroring Suga, before a quiet voice brought his attention away.

“Daichi? What are we doing today?” It was Yamaguchi, a voice he felt somewhat surprised hearing. The first year was usually pretty go-with-the-flow, he felt, and being in Tsukishima’s presence certainly didn’t hinder that. If anything, Daichi felt that they were usually the _last_ two people to ask questions.

Now, though, Daichi could see Tsukishima out of the corner of his eye, watching the two of them. Could he be _interested_ in what the team had in store? Daichi almost felt shocked at the development, especially that it happened so soon in the trip. It pained him to know that his answer wouldn’t be exciting, either.

“Since we didn’t get access to much of the amenities and features online, today’s gonna be pretty relaxed. Instead of sleeping in a bit longer like I had planned, we’ll just have that much more time to plan things out for the next few days, I guess.” Yamaguchi smiled pleasantly at the response, before Daichi noticed Tsukishima’s gaze turn away at the news. _Oh well,_ he thought. _There’s plenty of time for them to get hooked on team bonding while we’re here._ He continued to speak.

“I’ll be talking to Takeda and Ukai later on, but today is kind of like a big... scavenger hunt. I need everybody to remember to be at the _welcome building_ by 6:30 for dinner, but other than that, you all have pretty much the whole day to explore this place and see all the cool stuff it’s got in store for us. Plus, whoever finds something cool for us all to do as a team later on gets bragging rights, I guess.”

Tanaka’s eyes shot open faster than lightning. He practically scared Hinata and Kageyama’s souls from their bodies as he leapt to his feet in a single, swift bound. He cocked a brow as he faced Daichi, before placing a hand on his chin.

“So you’re basically saying whoever finds the best thing to do would be Karasuno’s coolest bro?”

The whole room went silent, marveling over Tanaka’s deduction for better or worse. Daichi sighed as he looked to Nishinoya and Hinata, who were clearly eating up the second year’s words before staring back at him in anticipation. It was too early for this.

“… If it makes you happy... sure, I guess-”

“Whoo-hoo! Yes- Shoyo stop pushing, I’m gonna find a super awesome secret waterfall grotto for Kiyoko and I to share!”

“Noya!”

"That's Kageyama's leg, not mine!"

Daichi cringed as the door was immediately blocked by four boys, plus Narita and Tsukishima, who simply egged them on a few steps back, safely out of reach from all flailing arms and legs. Finally, Daichi got fed up watching the mess of stupid, _stupid_ boys, and calmly walked over to the blocked space, before simply pushing the door- which opened inwards- out, shutting the door on Karasuno’s rowdiest, effectively shoving them all outside at once. He took a deep breath, before re-opening the door and peering outside.

 _All four of them_ were already out of sight. _Thankfully._ Daichi swore his last year was passing like a fever dream. He turned back to the rest of the team, relaxing a bit as he recognized the remaining team would listen to what he said. _Probably._ Tsukishima already looked bored again, and was struggling to pull a wallet from his bag by the door. He looked up to Daichi with a neutral expression.

“How much is breakfast, here?”

“It should be free, but it might be slim pickings. The website said it’s over in a half hour.”

“Tsk.”

Daichi merely rolled his eyes at Tsukishima’s behavior, before his own stomach grumbled. _It has been a while since I had that bar on the bus._ Daichi’s thoughts resonated throughout the room, as the rest of the team started to rise. _Exploring could start after breakfast._

Daichi looked again to Suga, who merely paced around the cabin, before noticing Daichi’s stare and plastering a gentle smile across his face as he waited for the other boy to speak.

“You coming to eat with us?”

“That’s okay, you guys go on without me.”

“Come on, Suga. It’ll be over soon; what will you eat, then?”

The setter merely held Daichi’s stare, as Asahi butted in.

“A place this nice is bound to have hot sauce.”

Suga raised an eyebrow at the taller third year’s comment, before allowing his shoulders to slump. Daichi hadn’t realized how high they had been during their conversation.

“Fine, I’ll come with, but only if they have-”

Asahi and Daichi both interjected, speaking in unison.

“-spicy mapo tofu, _we know_.”

Suga merely glared at both of them in amusement, before Daichi spoke again.

“I still don’t think you’re human if you pour that much hot sauce onto anything at this hour, but sure, _maybe_ they’ll have that. Hurry up, so we don’t leave without you.”

Evidently, the resort that Karasuno’s Volleyball club had decided to spend four days at- _praised_ online for its hospitality and culinary achievements- failed to provide on Sugawara’s one critical concern: _spice_. While the rest of the boys loaded their plates with sweet omelets and fish, Suga found himself sitting at a table on his own with just a cup of water. _I’m not hungry. Just say that. Or make a joke about there not being any real food. Or…_

A plate thwacked the table in front of where he’d been staring into space, reeling him back to reality, before looking up to the intruder of his quiet. Asahi stood triumphantly, with a second plate in hand, before sliding into a seat across from him. Suga looked past his taller friend, spotting Daichi, who was busy speaking to Ukai and Takeda. Both adults held a coffee and some fruit, while Daichi had set his plate down to eat at the table. Before he could even think to excuse himself from Asahi's presence and contribute to some vice-captain duties at the other table, Daichi rose from his seat and headed towards the bathroom. _So much for a rescue._

“Before you even try to say it-”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Oh come on, what the heck, Suga! What did I just say?”

“Apologies, your _greatness_. Carry on.”

“You need to eat something. You’re practically skin and bones as is!”

_Joke._

“Asahi, I hear you. I do. But I’d rather _waste away_ to nothingness than eat plain tofu.”

“It’s not plain! Look, I added a _ton_ of pepper to compensate for it, too.”

Suga eyed the plate warily.

“Asahi, did you really dump a bottle of pepper onto the plate for the sake of making a smiley face? How long did that even take?”

“I’m taking no personal questions at this time, thanks so much. Also, I had to scrap it twice, but I’m not leaving until I see you eat your whole plate.”

“Jeez, what are you, some weird uncle?”

_Please don’t make me._

“Eat.”

Suga bit his tongue, hiding the wince produced by looking at the plate of tofu and rice. Slowly, he reached for his chopsticks, before picking up a chunk of tofu. It felt heavy in his grip, and his eyes felt watery at the sight of it. Poor Asahi hadn’t noticed, yet. Suga wanted to keep it that way.

_Just one bite._

He stared for long seconds at the tofu on his chopsticks. He could always just drop it on accident. And accidentally chuck the whole plate through a window. _Accidentally_. Then he could make a break for it.

Asahi was watching him intently, though. He couldn’t get out of it, here. Suga placed the tofu into his mouth, put off by the bland, overly peppery taste on his tongue, before chewing and swallowing. He picked up another, before repeating the process twice. Asahi finally gave in to his own appetite and shifted his gaze from Suga to his own plate. The setter quiety released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

Asahi kept chewing on his food. Louder. Louder. _Louder_. Suga dropped his chopsticks silently into his lap. Asahi didn't notice. He just kept _chewing_. Suga looked away. _Anywhere else is good_. He stared long and hard at the art on the wall. That would be enough... _for the moment._

Suga allowed his gaze to wander. Only a few team members had chosen to stay in the lobby for breakfast. Kinnoshita and Narita had already upped and left to wander, and Daichi had returned, clearly wrapped up with the adults. Hinata, Kageyama, Nishinoya and Tanaka were still out competing to find something to do for the next few days, and would probably miss breakfast. He was sure they’d leave no stone unturned, but they _did_ make for an easy out. Suga rose from his seat, facing Asahi who raised his head in question.

“I’m gonna try to find Nishinoya and the other dummies. They’re gonna miss breakfast doing all of this.”

“Okay-”

“-See you...”

Suga did not wait for a response as he swiftly threw out the rest of his full plate before stacking it with the other used ones, and left the welcome building. The cool air hit his neck hard, and Suga buried his hands in the pockets of his sweats as he picked up his pace towards the team cabin. _Just gotta get to the bathroom. Find a toilet on the far side of the cabin._

_Go._

_Go._

_Go._

The trees shielded him from some of the chilly wind, but Sugawara was practically shivering as the cabin pulled into sight. The half mile walk to and from the welcome center would be relaxing with more layers and _less_ fixation, but Suga had neither of those things working in his favor. _Get inside. You don’t deserve it._

He rushed through the large, empty room. Suga called out too, just to be safe. No response came. The coast was clear. Suga blew past the hall, and found a door behind the extra shelves and kitchen. Another bathroom. Suga felt tears start to well up in his eyes, again, as he slammed the door behind him, lifting the toilet seat and falling to his knees.

_Do it._

_Get it out._

Suga reached his hand into his mouth, before pushing it further down. His index finger reached the back of his throat, and he pushed. He felt himself gag and heave against the pressure. Tears stained his cheeks. He pushed against his throat once, twice. A moment passed, as Suga merely sat on the cold tile. _Is this me?_ His clarity ended as he pushed his finger hard against his throat, tears flowing freely down his cheek. He promptly vomited the tofu into the bowl, ignoring the ringing in his head.

Daichi stepped out to the courtyard, eyeing the mini-maze and giant Chess set before a cold wind chilled his bones and dissipated any interest he had in exploring either installation further. Daichi had brought a sweatshirt to wear over a simple crewneck, but if he stood still for too long, it wouldn’t be enough to hide his _shivering_. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone except Suga, but Daichi really couldn’t handle the cold.

Bypassing an entrance to one of the three seemingly endless hiking trails, the captain began to stroll around the resort’s various locations, circling past the public showers and the massive two lakes on the east side of the resort to head around towards the chlorinated pool by the entrance. Part of his exploration was to find things to do with the team, but part of it was Daichi searching for something… more. Somewhere… quiet. Somewhere _romantic._

Somewhere to _ask Suga out._

Daichi couldn’t guess why, but he had a strong feeling this resort would be the place to do it. It would happen here. It would happen soon. _It would happen._

He found a spring in his step, and Daichi shoved his hands into his pockets, both for warmth _and_ to hide his excitement. Not that anybody was around to see. The whole resort was mostly abandoned this time of year.

Only a few couples actually took up residence in the smaller cabins near the welcome center, which was, on its own, a mammoth structure. Four large multi-story buildings, one for checking in, the next for fitness, another for an arcade and the last being a large cafeteria. The resort was usually a youth camp during warmer months after all, and the team had arrived just as the mass of younger children had left.

Instead, Karasuno had invaded in the form of four idiotic teens who would likely outclass whatever mischief a nine-year-old could get up to. Of that, Daichi was _certain_. But Suga was a different case. He was just… something else. Daichi had never met somebody who could be as pleasant one moment and treacherous as a raging sea the next. He was…

“I’m built different.”

“Kinnoshita, what the ever-loving fuck does that even mean?”

Daichi grinned listening to his teammate’s banter, carried across the wind. Looking ahead, he could spot a few of his teammates by a large pool. A tall one turned towards him, and began waving. Asahi.

“Daichi, come save me!”

“No thanks!”

“Come over anyways?”

Daichi picked up the pace. He had already been walking a bit, between exploring the inner buildings and pacing around the four large structures. Finally, he was close enough to take in the sight of Asahi, Kinnoshita, Narita and Nishinoya, all perched on lounge chairs. Nishinoya’s eyes were covered by sunglasses, despite the sun being somewhat grey.

“Is he dead?”

“Just tired, I think. Dude took a nap out here after all that running around. I think Tanaka gave up, too, but the others are still competing to nobody’s surprise.” Asahi raised a hand over one side of his mouth to whisper poorly in Nishinoya’s direction. “Try not to wake Sl _eeping Beauty_.”

“Asahi! I’m not a baby..”

“Pft, a-”

“-Narita, think very carefully before you complete that thought.”

Daichi chuckled as Nishinoya chucked his cheap sunglasses at his teammate, who caught them with both hands, before putting them onto his own face. The sickly neon green had never made Narita appear more fetching, but when Daichi exchanged glances between the others, Daichi found a _steely gaze_ being returned. Nishinoya’s eyes locked his vision down, and he couldn’t quite tell what emotion he was feeling. All Daichi could tell was that Nishinoya’s stoic expression was different. It was _unnerving_. Kinnoshita looked back to Daichi and broke the moment.

“Oy, were you looking for stuff to do, tomorrow?”

“That was kinda the whole point of the speech I gave today, but kudos for coming to the same conclusion without listening.”

“Hey!” The other boys snickered a bit, and while Daichi joined in, he made a mental note to subtly thank Kinnoshita somehow for the interruption before the second-year continued. “I saw a pretty decent log circle over _thataways_ ,” Kinnoshita paused to point his finger away from the welcome center before resuming his proposition. “Could be a good spot for a team bonfire, no?”

“That sounds like a good idea. We might be able to find some snacks to dish out to everyone, too.”

“Kinnoshita- one, everybody else- zero.”

“Collect a bunch of firewood first, and then you can give yourself that score.”

“Pft.”

The boys laughed again, and Daichi felt Nishinoya’s strange looks fade into the background a bit. It wasn’t like him to be mad, and Daichi was certain he hadn’t done anything wrong, lately. He stole a glance back in Nishinoya’s direction while maintaining the pleasant smile that had settled onto his face.

Nishinoya’s was _far less_ pleasant. Now, a _scowl_ had formed as his eyes focused on Daichi once more. It was uncanny how quickly the younger boy had switched expressions. Almost like he was on another _wavelength_. Daichi looked away again, more quickly with a somewhat jerking motion. The others didn’t notice, and continued to chatter. Just as Daichi was about to stand and make a polite exit from their company, a voice spoke up.

“Daichi, can I talk to you in private?”

“Uh, sure, Noya… is everything okay?”

“Yeah…” the second year replied distantly, still holding sharp eye contact with Daichi, a brow upturned as he moved to replace Asahi’s company with his captain. In the split seconds that Daichi had before Nishinoya joined him, he could swear he saw Asahi mouth the word “sorry” at him. Whatever this was, he was _probably fucked._

“Come on captain, we can go to this secret spot I found earlier to talk! It’s quiet, a little removed, and I don’t think anybody would ever go near it. Pretty perfect to be lost at. You could probably scream your heart out and nobody would be close enough to hear.’’

Daichi was _so fucked_. Nishinoya was murdering him. There was no doubt about it. Would he _explain_ Daichi’s terrible crimes before he killed him? Would it be quick or drawn out? Suga would probably never let him hear the end of it, getting killed by someone as short as Nishinoya. _Suga…_

_Stay focused, idiot._

As they strayed further from the buildings, and deeper into the underbrush, Daichi’s heart began to sink further. The light of the sun was somewhat shielded by a few stray clouds, but he was certain everything had gotten _much darker_ since embarking on this adventure with his teammate. Only a few small stepping stones and the libero in front guided him further into the depths of the dense woods, and _something_ began to creep onto the horizon. A looming, dark shape, further contrasted by a blistering light just beyond.

Definitely the gates of his doom.

The duo walked in silence, making Daichi’s heart race even faster. A _quiet_ Nishinoya was a _thinking_ Nishinoya, and _whatever_ that meant was probably not good for anybody. Least of all, his poor captain who was just walking into _his own death._

The stones ended rather abruptly, leaving a quarter-mile of dewy grass between the pair and the structure. Having come much closer than before, Daichi allowed himself to look again, seeing a much clearer shape with the added distance covered. He could just make out a familiar red shape before Nishinoya grabbed his wrist, and yanked him along. They were running so quickly, Daichi hardly realized they had begun to run uphill, now.

Breathing hard and fast, Daichi was practically bolting to keep up with the libero. It was so much at this hour, especially for someone who was about to get murdered, anyways. Finally, Nishinoya let go of his wrist, and slowed his own stride. Daichi followed suit, until they were both walking, again. Based off Nishinoya’s labored breaths, Daichi wasn’t the only one hurting from the run. They’d need to do some conditioning soon before the next match. _If Noya doesn't kill me first._

“Daichi, I present to you: the coolest _Torii Gate_ you could ever go on a date to see.”

He took in the sight with awe. The gate was at least twice the size of any Torii Gate he’d seen, before. Two small benches faced it from afar, and a series of vines grew down from the treetop canopy ahead. A small creek ran diagonally behind the gate, expanding into a small natural pool, bordering the hill and the meadow. It was one of the most _otherworldly_ sites he had ever taken in. He simply took in the site for a few more seconds, until Noya spoke up again, much more serious this time.

“You know, I can kinda see it now.”

“See what?”

“How you’d crush on Sugawara.”

Daichi short-circuited.

“Asahi told me on the bus.”

“He…”

“Honestly, I think he’s the right guy for you. I was trying to see you two together all morning, but it works in my head now.”

“Noya…”

“You’re pretty steady, and he’s just crazy enough to balance you guys out. Plus he can be pretty motherly, so it works in reverse for those times when you get all…” Nishinoya shut up as he looked at Daichi’s now steaming head, his sunken eyes and menacing aura.

“Crazy…”

“ASAHI TOLD YOU _WHAT_?”

“Calm down, I’m not the cause of problems, for once.”

“I thought you were taking me here to kill me, but I guess you set yourself up for the opposite.” Daichi felt like the wind was knocked out of him, but still felt the need to glare _disappointingly_ at someone. Plus, it would encourage Nishinoya to explain faster.

“Eep, okay, well first of all, Asahi was all wishy-washy, so I thought maybe he had eaten something bad, but then he didn’t-”

Daichi gestured with his hands. “Move it along, Noya.”

“So then he told me he was bad at keeping secrets.”

“No surprise.”

“And then he told me the secrets he had to keep.”

“Of course. Wait- were any of the rest _good_ secrets?”

“Luckily for him, I’m better at keeping secrets than Asahi.”

“Apparently not, since you just told me everything.”

“That wasn’t a secret! Well, I guess maybe...”

Daichi let out a dejected moan, before settling onto a bench seat, staring at the majesty of the large Torii Gate.

“Why are we here, then?”

“Hm? Oh… I thought this could be a good place for you to ask him out.”

“Huh?”

“Or at least confess to him. I thought it would be a good place to do it... The scenery is pretty cool, right?”

Daichi merely looked back and forth between the gate and Nishinoya. This was… _an unprecedented level of kindness._ The second year simply held that same quizzical stare, as if trying to envision Daichi’s response to the suggestion. Daichi simply held his hands out, wrapping Nishinoya in a large bear hug.

“Thank you.”

“Uh, of course, Captai-”

“Don’t ever drop a dime like that on me again.” Daichi’s voice dropped all hints to the tender, heartfelt emotion they had contained seconds before. _Scary Daichi_ was back, and Nishinoya struggled to leave the strange, threatening hug as quickly as possible.

“Daichi, noooo. I want to live!”

They both merely chuckled, and Daichi relaxed back onto the bench, releasing Noya to stand a few feet away out of caution. Before too long, they both simply took in the sight. _It might not be a bad place to talk to Suga, indeed._

Daichi continued to explore throughout the day. He’d stopped by the empty cabin to pick up an extra layer before continuing to stroll at his leisure. A map by the public bathrooms had given Daichi extra trivia about the resort, which was actually part of an immense non-profit park. The family that bought it decades ago had simply built up a series of cabins for their children before it transformed into a youth camp during the warmer months. _The more ya know._

He passed by Tsukishima and Yamaguchi perching on a series of stone columns on the south end of the open fields, just before the hiking trails opened up. Daichi greeted them both, only receiving a vocal reply from Yamaguchi. He was going to carry on his way, when two sharp forms zoomed past in between Daichi and the other two.

Sound didn’t even seem to register until both forms had passed by, and the screams didn’t reach Daichi's ears until they were nearly out of sight, again. At the last second, Daichi recovered from his shock, and screamed at the top of his lungs.

“KAGEYAMA, HINATA, GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT.”

A pause. Both forms seemed to freeze in place, before wheeling around sluggishly. Tsukishima chuckled audibly, and Daichi took pride in both preventing some freshmen-induced apocalypse and getting the middle blocker to show some engagement. Hinata and Kageyama finally made it back to Daichi, heaving as if they’d been running a marathon. For all Daichi knew, it was probably _further_ than that.

“You’re both going to r-e-l-a-x. This is supposed to be a fun trip, not a competition. There’s probably a volleyball net somewhere for us to practice more, but this trip is about growing with your teammates and living a little while away from home. How much have you two even talked to each other since getting here? Honestly?”

The two merely stared at Daichi with tired eyes, rattled to the core by his strict tone.

“The…” Hinata began.

“Yes?”

“The yelling was all we’ve said to each other. Tanaka and Nishinoya did most of the talking, but they gave up a few hours ago.”

Daichi smacked his forehead. The team would be the death of them. Tsukishima was still giggling.

“You two need to actually bond with each other. Not just competing, but actually _talk to each other_. You’ll be that much stronger on the court if you can rely on each other in real life.”

Kageyama didn’t look like he was buying it. Then again, Daichi wasn’t sure he knew how to _live_ off the court.

“And the peanut gallery behind me will be accompanying you.”

“Huh?”

“I expect you to help Kageyama act like a human being around Hinata and help them connect. Who knows? Maybe you’ll all learn to love each other.”

”Why do we have to join them, captain?”

“Because you do what I say, and I say you’re all about to be best buds on this trip. It shouldn’t be too hard, anyways. Tsukishima already had Hinata’s foot in his mouth for five hours. What’s a little small talk?”

“What?!”

Daichi merely chuckled, before walking away from the developing shock. Just before he dipped out of sight, he called back towards them. “Remember, don’t kill each other until after dinner!” He smiled to himself, and carried on, before the confused yells from Hinata sounded like cannon fire.

By the time Daichi had made it to the cafeteria that evening, he was far more awake than he’d expected after the nighttime drive the team had all been on. Instead, he found his appetite _reeling_ him into the cafeteria, where the coaches had ordered large boxes of food for the boys to pick and choose from as they filled their plates in a small line.

His pleasant mood remained through dinner as he chatted to Asahi and Tanaka about the progression of the day. Everybody seemed to be relatively satisfied with the slow day, but Daichi could tell they were itching for something to do. He stole a glance at the game of cards being played by Yachi and Kiyoko in the corner. Yachi had brought a deck on the trip, and was teaching the third year a few different games. An idea sprung forth.

Excusing himself, and putting away his dishes, Daichi walked over to the two managers, who were just finishing up a game. “Hey, Yachi, these are your cards, right?” The younger girl merely smiled, albeit nervously. “Yup!” Daichi tried to put on his _least_ threatening face possible.

“Would you mind if the team played a game or two with them? I have an idea, but only if you’re comfortable with the boys touching your deck.”

“Oh! No problem! These are super cheap and I have another deck at home.” She quickly shuffled them up in her hands, before placing them in a box to hold out for Daichi. He shook his head. “They’re your cards. Why don’t you deal them out and play with us? Kiyoko, you’re welcome to join, too, if you’d like.”

The rest of the team had quieted down a bit, having finished dinner and eavesdropping. Even Takeda and Ukai were observing from afar. Daichi simply beckoned for everybody to gather around the biggest table in the room, grabbing a few extra chairs to make room for the eleven boys in the room and the two managers who’d walked over.

Daichi wasn’t oblivious to the missing member, specifically the missing _vice-captain_ , but he had to talk to the team, first. As Yachi moved to stand next to him, the captain sat down at an empty chair as the others curiously moved to do the same.

“I know today was pretty uneventful, and maybe a bit boring to some of you, but I’ve got an idea for how to finish it out. Whoever wins can pick something to do tomorrow, within reason.” Audible murmuring began to fill the room. Hinata and Tanaka both started to raise the volume of the room considerably, before Daichi shushed them with a raise of his hand. “You’re all familiar with the game B.S., right?”

About nine games later, Daichi made the first exit from the table. Yachi had initally won the game twice in a row, and kept accepting Tanaka’s polite calls for rematches. He had unfortunately sat next to Kiyoko, who noticed every card in his deck due to his poor hiding skills and called him on every false card he placed into the deck. In the rush of things, he never called on her when she was most likely lying about a card, and seemed to never have less than half the deck of cards in his hands, despite the smaller dispersion of cards among the crowd.

Kageyama, Narita and Hinata decided to avoid playing in the first few matches to keep from spreading the cards too thin. Somehow, Ennoshita was the biggest surprise of the night. The room was shockingly quiet listening to the typically low-energy second year _screech_ over lost cards, a dramatic change of character for the usually mature, quiet boy. The trip was starting to bring out some interesting characters, indeed. So when Ennoshita tried to raise the stakes to place bets on winning and losing matches, Daichi politely bowed out, leaving Yachi and Kiyoko to wipe out the rest of the team with ease. Even Ukai was standing to try his hand at the game, and Daichi stepped outside in the chilly night.

Contrary to the first march through the dark of the resort’s property, Daichi found the walk back to the cabin far chillier than before. Being up so high in the mountains had dramatically lowered the temperature, but Daichi was nearly certain that the weather would get cooler over the next few days, if the heavy wind was anything to go by. The jeering from behind was quickly lost as a heavy blow tugged at Daichi’s layers, blowing right through his extra sweatshirt.

A chill ran up his spine as he approached the cabin, but as he looked towards the windows, a thought occurred. He couldn’t have been certain if the wind was what actually caused the goosebumps. Suga hadn’t made it to dinner, and the lights weren’t on. Was he even there?

He _wanted_ him to be there. He _wanted_ the two of them to have time _alone_. Daichi was starting to think he spent more time thinking about Suga than actually seeing him, these days. Even as he opened the door and stepped in, he hoped that his best friend was alright.

“Suga?”

No response.

_Hmm._

Daichi walked through the main room, skipping over all of the futons, now messily strewn together and disorganized. It’d take a miracle to sort all of that out, what with the extra bags chucked on top of everything. It was simply a _mess_ , and Daichi was happy to ignore it as he moved towards the second room, almost not hearing the _sniffle_ come from within.

Daichi peered his head around the corner, his eyes settling on a grey haired setter, slumped against the far wall with a small bag. He was gently weeping, and Daichi’s heart ached just watching the scene. The emptiness of the sight was just too much. He’d have to tell Suga how dramatically he was posing at a better time. Daichi stepped into the room, clearing his throat as he lowered his head. Suga did not look up from his slumped position.

Daichi merely sat next to him, looking hard at the wall in front of them both. It was empty, and rather dimly lit by alight in the corner. He took in the details of the wall for long, _long_ seconds, before speaking.

“I can’t try to relate to whatever’s happening, but if you would like to talk about it, I’m here. Now and always.” He put on a kind smile to bravely face Suga with. The other boy was _motionless_. His hands were buried in his lap, with his knees resting in on their own weight, while his head was slumped forward on their weight, hanging limply. He looked…

_Dead._

“Suga?!” Daichi was alarmed this time, reaching to touch Suga’s shoulder, but hesitating before doing so. Was this _his fault?_ He should have stuck closer to keep an eye on him. Then, a low mumble from Suga resonated, and Daichi felt pounds of stress leave his shoulders like water evaporating into the air. Suga was speaking. He was _okay._

“I’m… I’m okay, just didn’t eat, and…” Suga lifted his head form his knees, still looking down with his eyes before continuing.

“I’ve been having some trouble back home. My uh, step-dad kinda bailed on watching my baby brother over the weekend, and I had to… sort that out. That’s why I left school for most of yesterday. I know I said I’d explain, and I’m sorry about that, but it was a bit of a mess to deal with.”

“Suga… I’m not mad at you. If you were thinking that way at all, I wasn’t hurt by you leaving. You don’t owe me company, and I’ve been dropping the ball with communication lately, anyways. I’m sorry you had to find a babysitter for him so last minute. Is your _step-dad_ okay?”

“Oh, he’s plenty fine, Dai.” Suga looked somewhat ruefully at the ground, before turning towards Daichi, eyes glued to the floor between them. In a very quiet voice to avoid any other living soul hearing, he added “he’s kind of the worst.”

“May I ask how?”

Suga _finally_ looked directly at Daichi, his eyes showing all of the pain and sorrow of the world. He had been crying, and _recently_. Suga’s cheeks were rosy, vastly different from the wide grins and even tone from days past. He was hugging himself closely. Daichi realized his hand was still outstretched, pulling it back to rest on his lap, not failing to notice his friend's _back_ relax against the wall a bit.

“I…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it, tonight, if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.”

_Change the subject._

“Honestly, I kinda thought there was an intruder with the mess in the other room. Or maybe a bull just charged through.”

“You think every room has an intruder in it, though.”

“Fair. Didn’t sleep well last night, though. Probably contributed a bit.”

“ _Two grown_ _boys_ laying on top of you isn’t your ideal sleeping position?”

“Well…”

Daichi blushed.

Sugawara blinked at him. A moment of awkward silence passed. Then, Suga opened his mouth to speak and-

The front door slammed open, smashing against the wall as loud voices introduced themselves to the walls. Daichi had been hoping Ennoshita would have _recovered_ from whatever emotional high he’d reached during cards, but as he loudly and hysterically complained about rigged decks while audibly twirling around the lanyard bound spare key Daichi had given him, a new idea formed in his head. Before somebody came to look for them, Daichi whispered to Suga.

“Would you like a hug?”

Suga finally looked up again to face Daichi directly. _He was a wreck_. Suga’s eyes widened at the question, as if he had stumbled upon one of the seven wonders of the world. Wordlessly, he nodded, and allowed Daichi to embrace him softly. Unlike earlier, with Nishinoya, Daichi found this hug was eventually returned, and it was comfortable. _Warm_. Being in Suga’s arms felt like returning home from a long trip. In a way, he felt like they were reconnecting after an unrealized distance.

Sure, they’d _talked_ on the bus, and once or twice at practice, but Daichi didn’t realize how much he was really _missing_. He missed all of Suga! Daichi could only hope that he was doing something similar for his best friend. After all, _he_ was the one in need of the hug in the first place. Right?

“Dai?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s meet again here, tomorrow night… and talk again.”

Daichi smiled. “Sounds like a g-”

“I BEAT YOU AND YACHI FAIR AND SQUARE, KAGEYAMA.”

“Change of plans. Ennoshita’s too hyped up for things to be normal out there. Wanna just share the futon in here to escape whatever funk he’s in from losing? If you don’t feel like joining us tomorrow, there’s less chances of anybody coming in to bother you from here.”

“Works for me.” A pause. “I know we haven’t been talking as much due to... _a bunch of things_ happening at the wrong time, but I really want you to know that you mean a great deal to me. Maybe _too much._ But I just, I needed you to know…” Suga sat forward a bit. Daichi’s eyes widened with anticipation. Was this it? _Is it happening?_

“I really do appreciate you, Dai.”

Daichi short-circuited. Suga merely chuckled as the captain gawked over Suga’s words. _His laughter was… pretty_. As the mood passed, they settled into comfortable silence, simply listening in on the team bicker over whether Ennoshita had won a match out of skill or luck. Daichi felt his eyes drooping a bit as Suga stood, setting up the futon for a moment, before turning back towards the other boy.

“Say, Dai.”

“Wazzup?”

“You never did mention what the others ended up picking for tomorrow’s activities.”

“Oh, you haven’t heard?”

“Kinda been avoiding everybody except you for the past few...” Suga hesitated. “...Hours.”

Daichi sent a pitying expression Suga’s way before the silver-haired setter merely flicked him on the forehead. He briefly shared a smirk with the older boy, before replacing it with a steely gaze. Wiping his temple, he spoke again.

“Per the card addict’s request, we’re going to have a _lake day_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little while, lol
> 
> Daichi and Suga will be interacting a lot more frequently throughout the story now, tho :)


	9. SECOND DAY OF TRIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he sun was just peeking over a distant ridge when Ukai arrived at the docks to greet the team. Everybody had gathered around as their coach obtained a key and water tube, the latter of which he dragged behind him while trudging towards the team. Suga squinted until Ukai was close enough to make an audible squeak on the rickety dock they’d all traversed earlier to pass over the swimming zone. Kinnoshita was the first to speak up as the coach arrived.
> 
> “Whoa, is that a four-person tube? Did you have to pay extra for that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Not eating, discussion of suicide and suicidal tendencies + self harm

The sun was just peeking over a distant ridge when Ukai arrived at the docks to greet the team. Everybody had gathered around as their coach obtained a key and water tube, the latter of which he dragged behind him while trudging towards the team. Suga squinted until Ukai was close enough to make an audible squeak on the rickety dock they’d all traversed earlier to pass over the swimming zone. Kinnoshita was the first to speak up as the coach arrived.

“Whoa, is that a four-person tube? Did you have to pay extra for that?”

“Hm? Oh… na. This place is kind of a hot-spot for a huge amount of campers, remember? This is the only kind of tube they have.”

Suga chuckled with the rest of the team at Ukai’s demeanor. His voice was raspy, and his eyes relaxed on the wood in front of him. Suga thought he could see him sway a bit, but turned his attention away from their sleepy coach to listen in as Takeda began to speak.

“Now, I want to be clear. When you’re in the boating zone, which is everywhere from this dock, onwards, you need to be in the boat or on the tube. There could be boat traffic and I don’t want anybody to get punched in the face by a boat. You can go to the swimming zone if you want to swim, okay?”

Tsukishima spoke first.

“Isn’t the whole resort basically _deserted_ , though?”

Asahi nodded seriously as he spoke.

“Plus there’s no connecting channels or other waterways for any small chase boats to veer into the lake, so I guess the risk of getting hurt by prop damage is pretty low even if you were in the wrong zone.”

Takeda blinked, subtle undereye bags starting to show in the light.

“Oh! Okay. I guess that makes sense. Do you have any connection to boating, Asahi?”

“Well… I kinda have a boating license and studied about all of that kinda stuff as a kid, since I was terrified I might be chased by something out to water and would need to know how to drive one to get away.”

_Silence._

“What?! Didn’t all of you do stuff like that, too?!”

“At that time, I just ate a lot of dirt,” Nishinoya added while taking off his shirt to leave by the dock; Daichi did the same as he responded.

“That makes a _lot_ of sense.”

“Daichi! Not like that!”

The team chuckled while Ukai lazily placed the tube onto the single boat that sat moored to the dock. Suga caught him yawning once, twice, before “discretely” staring towards Takeda, who did the same and put on a pair of sunglasses. Suga watched the series of events with modest curiosity, before dropping his shoes into a cubby. The rest of the boys had removed their shirts, and stepped onto the boat in bathing suits and an occasional bucket hat. Tanaka wore sweat shorts. _Somehow, that isn’t surprising,_ he thought.

Suga looked back down at the cubby, adorned with shirts and the odd pair of socks. His fingers lightly grasped around the base of his large, green crew neck. Do it. An engine started with a kick, and was followed by a series of distant cheers, and Suga turned away, shirt still covering his body. Ukai had started the boat, and the rest of the boys were getting on.

“Are you coming, Suga?”

He wheeled around, again, to see Yachi and Kiyoko, the latter wearing a light floral cardigan over her bathing suit. Suga nodded with a gentle smile, and the three of them boarded together as Ukai drove the boat away from the dock towards the middle of the lake.

“Okay! Who’s first?” Daichi asked as he dropped the tube into the water to the side of the boat. Hinata and Kageyama both practically _hurled_ themselves over the rails as Kinnoshita and Yamaguchi both walked up to Daichi to grab the remaining seats, comfortably. When Yamaguchi had finished getting situated on the raft, Daichi pushed them away from the prop, let them drift for a few feet, and gave the thumbs up to Ukai, who started the engine, and gave new life to the previously sleepy boat.

Suga clutched the rails as he felt his body flop around freely. Even on the boat, it was a bumpy ride with Ukai at the helm. The wind was whipping at his face, and his hair gently beat against the back of his neck. _This is fun._ The distant sound of screaming brought him to attention, and he looked back to face the four in the water tube.

Hinata was comfortably situated in the middle of the tube with Yamaguchi, while Kageyama and Kinnoshita both sat on the bumpier outside seats, clearly struggling to hang on. Hinata raised both hands into the air with a big grin, ecstatic as Ukai spun the wheel.

“Woo hoo!”

Ukai promptly whipped the wheel in the other direction, spinning around quickly and hurling the attached tube around over a large wave from the jets. Hinata- who’s hands were in the air instead of on a _handle_ \- went flying. Suga winced as he flew like a skipping stone into the water. The boat kept going, and Takeda- who was sitting next to Suga- turned towards the coach.

“Ukai! Hinata fell out of the tube.”

“Huh?”

“He fell out!”

“What?”

“HE FELL OUT!”

“Oh.”

The boat slowed to a stop, and at Ennoshita and Daichi’s direction, turned towards the first year, who bobbed in place. Ukai began to speak out loud, as Asahi inched into a closer seat to observe his driving.

“Just gotta loop over towards him and have him grab onto the side.”

“Wouldn’t it be smarter to drive around and have the tube drift towards him? He could swim the rest of the way and be picked up without coming near the prop.”

“Eh, it’ll be fine.”

Asahi sent a look to Suga that very clearly looked like things _wouldn’t be fine._

“Hinata, grab this rope, and we’ll pull you in.”

“Okay!” The first-year was all smiles, like usual.

While Ukai continued to inch towards Hinata, Takeda stepped towards the front of the boat, lazily chucking a spare rope forward in Hinata’s direction. Suga tried to look to where Takeda had attached the opposite end of the rope when Ukai spoke up.

“Now he grabs it and we haul him aboard. See, Asahi? Totally easy extraction process.”

“Is this the military?!”

“If this were a squadron, I’d only trust Suga and Tsukishima to end somebody.”

“I’ll take the shrimp out, first.”

“Tsuki!”

Suga rose from his seat in the back of the boat, now more comfortable with the slower, less bumpy pace. He stumbled a little, before regaining his composure and inching forward.

“Suga? You alright?” It was Daichi.

“I’m fine, I just want to check… something….”

Takeda continued to face away from everybody while Suga trailed off, looking towards Hinata up ahead. The rest of the team continued to taunt the three tube passengers, and remained distracted from the task at hand, save Asahi, Ennoshita and Daichi.

 _Where is the end of the rope?_ Suga continued to pad forward slowly to keep his balance, moving past Ukai to get an unobstructed view of the boat’s front section, only populated by Takeda and Suga, now. The older man was leaning over the rail, watching Hinata, who was just by the front. Suga looked from the rail to Takeda to the rope on his shoulder. It was curled around, with a loose coil hanging limply. Suga’s eyes followed it, curving around Takeda’s feet and to…

 _An untethered end_. Takeda hadn’t attached it to anything. And Hinata was coming right up by the boat.

“Okay, Ukai, Hinata’s here, you can stop, now.”

“What?”

“You can stop.”

He can’t hear over the motor.

“Stop. Stop! STOP!”

Hinata was about to go underneath the boat. He was headed _straight towards the propellor_. Suga wheeled around towards Ukai.

“Reverse, now!”

Ukai did as he was told, and turned the wheel, turning the wheel around in a different direction. A loud _twanging_ sound seemed to reverberate through Suga’s feet. Ukai stopped moving the wheel before cutting the engine. Suga hurled himself towards the propellor, looking for any trace of the younger boy. Instead, all he got was a twisted up rope and a familiar laugh.

“Whoaaah! That was so close! The boat was all whoooosh, but then it stopped at the last second.”

“You can thank Suga for that.”

The third year refaced Ukai, before looking past him to spot Takeda and Ennoshita, who had successfully pulled Hinata from the water.

He was okay.

Suga fell into a seat next to Daichi, merely staring up at the clouds with a deep sigh.

“Suga? You okay?”

“When you asked me to become vice captain, I didn’t agree to the emotional turmoil of thinking I’d witnessed a first year get shredded. Are the stakes just rising? Will somebody go skydiving without a parachute, next? What’s up with that?”

“Sorry, Suga. I’d say blame Ukai, but I feel like Hinata would still find a way to jump in front of the prop anyways.”

“Ugh. Too much for my poor, old heart.”

“And here I thought you were one of the only ones who could actually kill somebody if we were all trained for it.”

“Don’t mistake my kind-heartedness for a lack of ability. I’d stab you without question.”

“Ouch.”

“That’s what everybody would say.”

“Alright!”

The two turned towards Ukai at his interruption.

“Lets switch out riders.”

“Actually, Ukai, I think the prop caught something when we went into reverse.”

“Huh?”

“Looks like the rope holding the tube got tangled up going backwards. I think you should kill the engine.”

“That’s what I get for listening to Asahi.”

“Hey! I said to do the opposite of what just happened!”

“A likely story… but if you hadn’t encouraged me to do that, what would you suggest to detangle it?”

“Well, someone probably has to hop in to try and either detangle it by hand or cut it free.”

“I got it,” Daichi announced, before standing on the edge of the rails and jumping into the water with a loud splash. Suga leaned over to stare at the fading bubbles, which vanished on the surface, leaving a poor view through the dark water. Daichi did not surface after ten seconds. He did not rise out of the water after twenty. Suga was starting to worry, again when the water began to bubble again.

“Miss me?”

“I could stand a few more seconds of mystery.”

_Lies._

“Well from what I can tell, the rope is pretty tightly wound up around the prop. It’ll take a little bit for me to unravel it without a knife, since I’m guessing you don’t want to chop it up and hand the cabin people a ripped up line.”

Ukai leaned over the rails next to Suga, peering down at Daichi, who was comfortably treading water by the rear of the stationary vessel.

“In fact, that’s the opposite of what I want to do. Any ideas how long it’ll take to unravel?”

“Maybe a half hour, honestly. What were you trying to do throwing a rope in front of the boat instead of behind again?”

The coach just mumbled quiet words, before rubbing the back of his neck. If Suga peered closely, he could faintly make out the presence of blush on the older man’s face. Huh.

“If I have two people jump in and help out, I can probably cut down on time without actually cutting the rope, but I guess everybody else is going to have to wait.”

Ennoshita was already in the water before Suga could respond, and Tanaka dramatically leapt into the air to show off a _beautiful_ swan dive, receiving quiet applause from Nishinoya and Hinata. Takeda and Ukai both stood by the rails, watching the three boys as they submerged themselves for better access to the mess created by the rope. The boys who were in the inner tube had since been pulled in by Kiyoko and some of the underclassmen, and simply sat, bored with the sudden lull in activity. Takeda turned around to face Suga with a gentle smile. Suga could already tell it’d be bad news.

“Since Daichi is somewhat caught up at the moment, why don’t you distract the others for a bit? Maybe leading a game or something could be fun.”

_That’s the last thing I want to do._

“Sure! Sounds fun.”

_You’re in too deep, now._

Suga thought for a minute, before standing up to face the remaining team. He tried to mimic Daichi, and lightly clapped his hands twice, before speaking.

“Alright, guys, time to do something.”

“Is it time for you to take off your shirt and get a tan for once?”

A few people chuckled, and Suga briefly choked up. Nishinoya _meant well_. Now wasn’t the time, though. Suga quickly adjusted his approach, and plastered a small grin on his face.

“Nope, but I’d be careful if I were you. I think you’re starting to burn.”

“Huh?! No way!”

The others were laughing again. _Good._

“Anyways! What I was trying to say is that we’re gonna challenge the poor skills of Daichi and the others in the water.”

“Hey, I heard that.”

“How?”

“Simple. We’re gonna race the others to undoing a human knot.”

About twenty minutes later, the boys cheered as Yachi ducked underneath Kageyama’s arm and stood freely, untying the knot and finishing the game. Suga cheered with the team as he stepped towards Ukai, satisfied with helping keep everyone entertained while they waited for Daichi, Ennoshita and Tanaka to untie the mess in the propellor. _Speaking of…_

“Hey campers, how we doing?”

“Tanaka just undid the last major knot, so they should be done soon.”

Two more diving sessions passed, and Daichi came back up for air, this time with a smile.

“As long as Ukai isn’t driving, this thing is good to go!”

“Hey!”

“Probably for the best. Asahi, would you be willing to drive around for a bit? You’re the only other person with a boating license, and _I trust you, more._ ”

“Sure, Takeda.”

The coach’s protests were drowned out by the satisfied whoops of the team. Even Kiyoko looked happy to be moving somewhere. The three boys rose from the water and _immediately_ reached for the towels. Ennoshita merely shrugged at Suga as he covered himself with the fabric.

“Shit’s chilly.”

“Alright, who wants to ride, next?”

As the day went on, Daichi relaxed into a cushioned seat. Asahi had taken the wheel, and therefore the boat began to feel much more smooth. Even the bumpy turns seemed to be smoothed over, and Daichi felt his vision drifting off to the clouds.

A distinct thud rustled Daichi from his seat, nearly lurching out of his seat entirely, if not for a firm strong-arm from Suga. At Daichi’s glance, the setter’s eyes widened, before he opened his mouth to speak. The captain directed his bleary vision away from Suga’s lips in an effort to focus on the words coming from within.

“Bathroom break for the kiddies. You need to go?”

“Nah, I’m sure they can figure it out. Plus, that walk is a little too far there and back just for the outhouses.”

“Fair enough.”

Daichi cracked his neck to the left, right, before watching as the boat’s numbers dwindled quickly. Within seconds, Asahi merely threw up a peace sign and left Daichi and Suga to listen to the water lazily curl around the dock’s wooden posts. Alone.

Daichi’s breath hitched quietly. _Say something, idiot. It’s just you two._

_Be cool. Be cool. Be cool._

“Dai, I think I’m gonna need a chiropractor to work out the knots this ride has given my back.”

“Huh? Oh- I can give a decent massage… I mean if you’re cool with that. Uh, yeah.”

_Very cool._

Suga looked long and hard at Daichi with an almost unknowable expression. Daichi’s two guesses were that he was about to be flayed or that his mind was being read. Instead, Suga’s brows drooped, and he looked away with a grin.

“Later...”

_Huh?_

Daichi looked imploringly at Suga now for some elaboration. Suga didn’t budge. Daichi settled back into his seat, eventually settling into a comfortable silence. His face softened, and he faced his vice-captain again.

“Hey, Suga?”

“Hm?”

“Have you eaten, today?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I worry about you.”

“You shouldn’t, I’m fine.”

Daichi rested his hands together quietly, listening in silence, prompting Suga to continue.

“I’m sorry… that was rude, huh?”

“It’s okay.”

“Thanks, Dai.”

Daichi simply stared.

“If I’m being honest… I haven’t, really… I don’t know. There’s a lot on my mind, lately. I can feel everybody’s eyes on me just for wearing a t-shirt. I don’t feel comfortable out of it, but it’s not great being seen in it, either. I know nobody’s like, weird about it, but I still feel… _judged_ , I guess…”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Suga nodded.

“I’ve got a bit of a problem… a few actually, but… well… I don’t really eat at home, and it’s not great. I don’t know how to categorize it, but I’m working on it. I’m working on a lot of it, even though I’m not doing great.”

Daichi scooted towards Suga.

“And… in general. I haven’t been doing well. I thought that going on this trip would be like an escape. Like, I’d just magically get better, and be happy, again. _Really happy_. I don’t know, though. I should be worried about my brother, but I also know he’s safe in a different building. I think I’m just feeling like… selfish towards my own growth without caring about the other people who are in my life. You know?”

“I don’t know the whole story, but I don’t think you’re wrong for choosing your own happiness over worrying about others.”

“But what if that hurts other people in the process?”

“No matter what somebody is going through, it’s not your place to be a hero. One of the things I really admire about you is how selfless you are, but I promise, you don’t need to put parts of yourself into a box for somebody else’s happiness. Not your family, not even a baby brother. You’re not abandoning the people you care for by caring for yourself, and if anyone says differently, they don’t care about you in the right way… You need to put yourself first, sometimes, and allow yourself to accept that you do come first, sometimes. And you’re _still_ a wonderful person despite, and actually _because_ of that.”

“Sap.”

“You’re so rude! That could’ve been a quote for a movie. Now it’s gone to the wind!”

“Daichi.”

Daichi shut his mouth.

“You’re a bigger help than you know.” Suga’s eyes were shiny, and didn’t try to hide the pain and ache Daichi spotted on the bus. But he was _smiling_ , too. Even as a tear traced Suga’s cheek, he was smiling a bright toothy grin. Daichi thought he had never seen a more bewitching face.

“If it’s not a burden to you, I’ll try to eat with you and Asahi tonight after we get back. He’s kinda been on me about it too.”

“I’m… I’m glad I can be of any help, Suga. We can get through this together.” 

“Is it a burden, though?”

“You could probably run me over with a steamroller and I’d let you.”

“Damn, so _that means_ -”

“-I’m not changing my mind about that raw dialogue. I still think that could’ve been the quote of the century, probably.”

Suga giggled. “It was… fine.”

“Liar!”

“Pfft, me?”

“Hey, captains!”

The two turned towards the dock, again. Tanaka had returned, and immediately began to bother Daichi with his presence. Just not having a shirt- despite the circumstances encouraging said status- activated Daichi’s fight or flight response. But when he had finished berating Tanaka over existing, he found himself comfortably looking back at his best friend. At Suga.

He was _laughing._

“I think some of the team is splitting off towards the beach area to swim, if you guys want to come with.”

“Why aren’t you down there, Tanaka? I thought you’d go anywhere just to see Kiyoko existing.”

Tanaka’s smile dropped as he tilted his head down, a shadow coming over his eyes as he held a grim expression. Daichi was mildly surprised. Tanaka held his head for a minute, before looking up to his captains with a very _serious_ stare as he spoke.

“I’m gonna show her how cool and fun and good I am at wakeboarding, from a distance.”

Daichi began to giggle as Suga stared quizzically at the underclassman.

“You’re actually serious about this working any more than your other tactics? What if she just doesn’t look? Or walks away like a dramatic movie protagonist?”

“Stop, Suga! I want to be respectful of her boundaries, too.”

Suga merely sighed at Tanaka’s whines, a faint smile lingering on his face while Daichi composed himself. Tsukishima was just getting back onto the boat with Yamaguchi when a thought came to Daichi. He looked back to the docks, where Asahi was lumbering forward, and stood abruptly. Suga turned his head towards him.

“Dai? You good?”

“Yeah… just a sec!”

Daichi quickly tottered off the boat and out of Suga’s line of sight.

Asahi mounted the deck of the rocking boat with pained expression. Suga turned to face him, staring into the eyes of a tired, tired man. Even his _hair_ looked deflated.

“Asahi? You good?”

Wordlessly, Asahi turned away from Suga. He continued to turn in place, revealing Nishinoya, hanging off Asahi like he was doing a unique Yoga class. He did not look even a little bit uncomfortable.

“Howdy!”

He dropped from Asahi’s back, immediately gravitating towards Tanaka, discussing new and _awful_ ideas for impressing Kiyoko while being tugged around in the water. At the mention of Tanaka doing a hand stand on Nishinoya’s shoulders, Suga comfortably tuned them out, peering around the smaller crowd.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were comfortably seated on the opposite side of Tanaka and Nishinoya, who were bound to rise up and bother the rest any minute. Narita and Kinnoshita had tagged along, chatting with Asahi, and Daichi was due any minute.

_Daichi…_

“Oy, Suga? Can I ask you something?” Noya had settled into a seat next to the vice-captain, while Tanaka did the same on the opposite end with a gentle expression. Suga mentally prepared for them to ask about joining in their terrible plans, somehow. At his nod, Nishinoya continued.

“Why are you wearing such a big shirt?”

_Huh?_

“Uh… well…”

_Where is Daichi?_

_Help._

“It’s started to warm up is all, and you haven’t even ridden the inner tube yet. I bet you could get a sick tan!”

_Noya, please._

“Oh, wait, Suga… are you okay?”

_This is worse._

“I don’t mean to ask like that, sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it with us?”

_No. Please._

“Suga?”

“I-“

“-’m back! I think I’m the last one coming, so you can get started whenever, Asahi. Ukai looked like a deflated balloon by the bathrooms, but he’ll probably mellow out.”

Suga’s head snapped in the voice of his distraction. Daichi had returned. But as Suga’s eyes lowered past Daichi’s neck, he noticed a development. Daichi was wearing a _shirt_. _That’s new_. The other boys turned away from Suga, already forgetting their earlier conversation and bothering their captain, who curtly sidestepped both boys and their antics, and stepped over towards Suga.

He _continued_ to wear the shirt as he approached. The silver-haired boy patted the pale leather seat next to himself, eyes trained on Daichi. The captain recognized the invitation and acquiesced with a plop into the seat. Asahi took one look at the new group before starting the engine and pulling away from the dock. The motor hummed intensely.

“Okay, Noya! You can throw out the tube when you’re ready!”

Suga didn’t look towards the two underclassmen, but he could feel… _something_ in their direction. Like sensing a wall in a pitch black room. Suga tried to resist the urge to look. Long seconds passed, but when Daichi yawned into his own arm, Suga caved and turned his head towards the presence. Towards Tanaka and Nishinoya.

Both boys immediately looked away from Suga, and their expressions shifted to something more happy as they began to speak and joke loudly, again. _Weird…_ Suga was taken aback, simply watching the underclassmen prepare to chuck the tube back out to glide along the lake’s glossy surface.

Another moment passed, and they turned back towards Asahi with identical grins. The taller third year did not return the gaze, focusing instead on driving, failing to notice both boys leaping into the water on top of the water tube. _Probably for the better,_ Suga thought. _Gentle giants have glass hearts..._

“I heard what they were saying, earlier.”

Suga turned his head back towards the quiet voice in his ear. Daichi was resting comfortably in the wide bench-seat, both arms resting behind his neck. He looked… distraught.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry about all of this.”

“Why should _you_ be sorry?”

“This is… dramatic. Even for me. I don’t won’t to burden you with all of my junk, especially not here!” Suga looked over towards Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, the closest other people, who were stationed near the front. _Far enough._ He continued, his voice a little quieter than before.

“I mean, you should be having fun and going tubing and stuff! Not putting on raggedy t-shirts to support me when somebody accidentally asks tough questions.”

“Who said this was raggedy?”

“Everyone and their mother would call that raggedy, Dai. I could call your mom now, and she’d probably agree with me that it’s dingy.”

“Dingy! Wait, you have her number? I’ve only brought you around a few times so far!”

“Is that an invitation to hang more?”

“We’re getting off topic.”

“You really do have a heart, don’t you?”

“You’re not a burden, Suga… never.”

Suga dropped his smile and turned towards the ground.

“I mean that, Sug, I really do.”

Suga stared back at Daichi. His brows were furrowed, and _huh_. They reminded him of his brother, blissfully sleeping through lazy afternoons. He’d tell Daichi later, _maybe._

“Thank you.”

“Besides…” Daichi placed a hand on Suga’s shoulder like a drunken dad convincing his daughter not to try bangs. Or vice versa. The similarities to Suga’s brother had ended… for now. Daichi continued.

“You didn’t think you were getting out of falling off that inflatable nightmare with me, did you?”

“I thought you’d never ask! Yes, Sawamura, I will ride the giant, wet schlong with you!”

Daichi choked on his breath, unable to even try to shut down Suga’s comments. Suga just laughed, letting Asahi’s turns pull him into Daichi’s shoulder to giggle further. It felt nice. _What did I do to get a friend like you?_ Both boys started to raise to their feet as Narita and Kinnoshita stepped over, stumbling a bit against Asahi’s harsher turns.

“You two going next? Lemme pull them in before it deflates,” Narita proclaimed. Kinnoshita rose to his feet, wobbling a bit before steadying himself. The ash-haired second year joined Narita and proceeded to pull in the rope while Asahi slowed the propellor to a graceful stop.

Leaning over the edge of the back rail, Suga carefully eyed Nishinoya and Tanaka, who were surprisingly mellow in their seats. Instead of returning the gaze, both boys were facing each other, speaking with grim-looking expressions. _Hmm._

As the boys drew closer to the pale boat, Nishinoya leaned closer towards Tanaka to speak, eyes frantic and intense. Suddenly, Tanaka’s mouth was moving. Suga’s eyes slowly darted up, revealing Tanaka’s own eyes, staring long and hard back at him. Suga glanced towards Nishinoya, who’s serious face and steely gaze were similarly trained on Suga.

_That ain’t good._

“Lemme guess, Kiyoko didn’t look your way.”

Both boys shifted their eyes towards Kinnoshita’s joke, and their faces lit up again. Tanaka spoke first.

“No way! Kiyoko actually sat back and looked over at us for a split second! I’ve never felt so _seen_ , before.”

Narita and Kinnoshita continued to laugh and talk lightly as they pulled in the tube, and Daichi jumped up to grab it as it neared. Tanaka and Nishinoya both looked away from Suga, smiles holding steady on their faces as they greeted Daichi and the others. The tube was empty, now.

Daichi looked over towards Suga with a smirk, listening to Tanaka ramble. The smirk settled, becoming a gentle, beckoning smile. Suga accepted the invitation and stepped forward. As Daichi turned away from Suga’s approach, the setter realized two forms had appeared on either side of him. He was _flanked._

Tanaka and Nishinoya both walked on either side of Suga, expressions serious and head s down. A hand went up from Tanaka towards Suga’s shoulder, before hesitating, and awkwardly returning to limply hanging in the wind. Suga turned towards Nishinoya, who didn’t meet his eyes. Finally, the libero spoke, voice quiet and soft.

“Sorry about probing you. I can tell it upset you, and Daichi.”

Huh?

Suga turned towards Tanaka, and back again at Nishinoya. Nobody else appeared to be listening to the conversation as Daichi struggled to get onto the inflatable.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…”

The silence was _potable_. It stretched like gum between a shoe and concrete, or honey from a finger. Suga responded quietly.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad… just rattled, I guess. I plan to talk to Daichi about it at some point, and hopefully I can tell you too, then. But for now, all I ask is that you don’t ask.”

“Are we… okay, then?!”

“Of course, Noya. Just don’t ambush me like that, you _goobs_.”

Nishinoya seemed dumbfounded at Suga’s words. He leaned forward, mouth agape, mirroring Tanaka. The moment had clearly passed.

“It’s a go, then!” Both boys claimed in unison.

_Hmm._

Daichi hopped in, before turning around in his seat, which bobbed in the water below the deck. He extended a hand up towards Suga.

The setter accepted it, gently placing a foot into the boat, leaving behind the other boys on board. After a minute, Suga flopped onto a center seat on the tube, next to Daichi, and looked up.

Nishinoya and Tanaka continued to look over the rails with the rest, who were waiting for Asahi to pull away from the drifting raft. Eventually, the other third year got the idea, and the rope quickly went taut, yanking Daichi and Suga through the water like ragdolls. As Daichi chuckled at the twists and turns, Suga just continued to watch Nishinoya, who was staring right back at him from the back of the boat.

“Suga, you good?”

“Uhhh, yeah?!”

Asahi was cranking the wheel left and right, pushing the inflatable tube over large waves. They were rather high off the surface in the tube, but the water continued to thrash left and right. Suga grinned wildly as he desperately held onto the small handle sewn into the outer layer. His other hand gripped Daichi’s intensely, before realizing and moving to another handle.

Daichi was yelling over the rush of thick waves, and Suga blinked the water out of his eyes to look at Daichi’s drenched features. His matted hair dripped at random, and the wind blew the captain’s shirt around aggressively.

A quiet shuttering sound caught Suga’s ear just as the pressure of the rope tugging both boys along ruptured, loosening all tension and raising their raft upwards into the air, flipping over almost completely, sending them into the water before flopping back upright, _motionless_ on the surface of the massive lake.

Suga emerged at the surface of the lake first, staring around in all directions. First, he identified the raft, which remained stationary on the water. Next, Daichi rose from the water like a beach ball launching into the air when released underwater. His mouth started spewing profanities in Nishinoya’s direction, but his face appeared almost… _amused_. Finally, Suga turned his head to the side, locating the boat, speeding away. On board, Nishinoya was still watching them, a hand on the rope’s tether point. He had loosened it. The other boys appeared to be turned around, facing Tanaka, before the boat got too far away to make out any details. They were abandoned.

_Definitely not good._

Suga and Daichi looked back at each other for a minute, treading water as they processed what happened. Noya separated us from the rest of the team on the widest part of the lake. Asahi would turn around eventually, so Suga decide the best thing to do was wait on top of…

“Daichi, I think the raft is stuck.”

“Huh?”

“You’re so eloquent, look! There’s some kind of log or tree thing holding it down. We can probably wait in place, there until Asahi realizes we’re disconnected.”

“Oh, right.”

Suga didn’t wait a moment longer and began to swim the distance between them and the inflatable. Daichi followed, and both boys attempted to haul themselves over the edge of the raft, with little success. After another failed attempt, Suga rested his head against the side of the inflatable, wearily.

As he let his legs stop kicking and gently sink below, his foot touched something slimy.

“Eugh!”

“What?!”

“I touched something!”

“What was it?”

“I don’t know! It was slimy!”

“Was it the tree thing?”

“How should I know?!”

“You touched it! I don’t like giant lake monsters casually sleeping below us!”

“Daichi, you baby!”

“You’re the one who freaked out!”

“You’re freaking out _now_!”

“Just touch it again, and see if it’s got a foothold to push us onto the tube or something!”

“Ugh!”

Suga raised a hand out of the water, small drops falling from his fingertips as they approached Daichi’s face. The captain watched with an unreadable expression as Suga’s hand reached for his mouth, which he promptly flicked. Daichi rubbed the spot ruefully as Suga began to speak again, a sly grin appearing.

“If I die, my corpse is dragging you in with it like a swamp monster.”

“Suga!”

The setter giggled, before pushing his head down low, his eyes just barely appearing above the water along with his hands, which protruded from the surface to grip a small Velcro handle on the raft. He remained in the position while Daichi merely watched, before his eyebrows raised suddenly and he shot upwards, shoulders a few inches off the ground.

“What-”

“Tree.”

“Joy.”

“Come gimme a boost, you can rest your foot right… here.” Suga grabbed Daichi’s shoulders firmly, pulling him around the water, before wrapping a leg around Daichi’s pulling it forward to guide him to a narrow foothold. Even before getting intertwined, Suga could tell it wouldn't help raise anybody too much higher out of the water. It wasn’t much, but it might be enough to get an extra inch up. Daichi’s foot made contact with the spot, and Suga gently released himself like an octopus, before turning again towards the raft, which sat inches away from both of them.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Suga gripped the handle once more, pushing a foot against the bottom of the raft, head laying against the surface of the water. From Suga’s point of view, Daichi was looming over him from upside down. He winked at Daichi.

“I think I have a superhero stalker.”

“Suga, you’re the one who’s upside down. If anything, that makes you Spiderman.”

“Can you really prove that, though?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, I don’t know ‘bout that.”

“The existence of gravity and I beg to differ.”

“Then beg.”

Daichi scowled at Suga, his upside-down features looking like a gentle grin. Then, Daichi’s mouth switched in the opposite direction, as he started to laugh. Suga joined in, and they both giggled for a moment, until Daichi remembered what their goal was.

“Suga, you’re so weird… Now push off my shoulders.”

Suga sighed, and reached behind himself to place his arms on Daichi’s firmly locked down shoulders, but his position was awkward, and he couldn’t push himself very high out of the water.

“I can’t- ugh- get it.”

“Here, try to keep pushing, and when you get high enough, turn your arms in. Let me just…”

Daichi wrapped his arms underneath Suga’s pushing him diagonally upwards, towards the inflatable, which lurked above both of them coldly. Suga’s foot had straightened out against Daichi’s barely bent knee, upper chest now visible above the water. Daichi moved his arms lower, trying to push any part of Suga upwards. The mutual effort was _exhausting._

“Just gotta… push!”

“What are we- having a baby?”

“If we are, who’s the mom?”

“Me, easily.”

“What?”

“I’m pushing you out of the water, right?”

“Fair.”

Suga’s waist was almost out of the water, and Daichi’s hands hesitated around Suga’s waist. The setter turned his head back towards Daichi, breathing heavy from the exertion.

“Come on, Dai! I’m almost up enough to pull myself in. I _need_ you, though!”

“R- right!”

Daichi allowed his hands to rest on the side of Suga’s hips, before gripping firmly and raising his arms upwards like he was delivering Simba in _The Lion King_. Daichi smirked at his own thought, while Suga groaned, pulling himself further upwards, before his left arm darted forward on the surface of the raft, out of Daichi’s line of sight.

“Yes! Okay, okay. Here…”

Suga moved his other arm out of the way, reaching for a Velcro handle on top of the raft, before pulling with both hands. He was almost there.

“We…”

Daichi felt the weight on his hands leave as Suga’s waist shoved upwards. He merely pushed blindly at Suga’s feet, until the setter gained his footing, pulling himself upwards. His left shoulder was on top of the raft, then his right. He was pulling with all his might as his waist vanished from Daichi’s sight over the edge of the inflatable.

“Go!”

Suga heaved with one last effort, before his legs were mostly over the edge. Suga had made it back onto the unnecessarily high raft. _Nice._

From Daichi’s perspective, Suga’s dangling foot vanished over the top of the water tube, leaving Daichi with a view of just the side of the raft and the sky, which was beginning to turn a hazy yellow. The day was ending.

After a few long, long seconds, Daichi heard a rustling sound above him, and he momentarily bobbed away from the raft before a familiar grey head popped out over the side of the raft. Suga had turned his body around to face him.

“Hmm, now to figure out how to get you out.”

When Suga had finished hauling Daichi out of the water, both boys were practically spent, merely laying on their backs as they breathed heavily. Daichi inhaled sharply, before releasing a weak exhale as he squinted at the spiraling, pink clouds overhead.

“Hmm, it’s a pretty sunset.”

“Yeah…”

“Think Asahi knows he dropped us, yet?”

“He’s definitely been knocked out by now. My guess is they’re all part of an elaborate scheme to replace the third-years early and claim some scholarships, now.”

“A bold claim for Tsukishima to be that passionate about the sport he doesn’t seem to care about.”

“Oh, Dai, he’ll come around. I have a _feeling_.”

“Is it a good feeling, though?”

“Absolutely not.”

Daichi chuckled, his eyes relaxing on the sight of the clouds, again, before lurching forward.

“Suga! We’re so dumb!”

“Speak for yourself, I’ve made nothing but intelligent jokes this whole time.”

“No, not that. There’s a part of a trail over there. We could have walked our way back with the inflatable instead of trying to climb aboard.”

“Eh, wouldn’t work.”

“What?”

“We didn’t shift this thing from its position while we were shoving all up against it, remember? What makes you think we can push it out without the boat?”

“Oh…”

“Plus this big thing? Across however long that trail leads in either direction? I think we’ve got better luck waiting it out. Nishinoya will probably realize it’d be on his conscience for dropping us out here in the first place with Tanaka and return for his favorite vice-captain.”

“Yeah, that makes- wait. Do you think he… purposefully detached us?”

“I’d bed on it. He was watching us like a hawk right before it happened, and we flew out like skipping stones.”

“Huh…”

It was a _nice evening_ to look at the sky.

Daichi propped himself up against the elevated side of the inflatable, resting his back against it like a plastic headboard. Suga did the same, a small buckle sitting between them.

“Well, guess we just gotta wait it out, then.”

“Yup…”

_Awkward._

Both boys avoided looking at each other for a moment, before their eyes settled further ahead. A dim light was basking the lake in a pleasant, warm glow. The water glistened and the treetops on the horizon appeared to burn with the same intensity as the golden light above. Both boys took in the sight in silence, entranced by the sight. After a minute, Daichi felt his gaze wander, lingering on the setter next to him. After long, long seconds, Suga finally spoke, his voice quiet as if to avoid disturbing the harmonious landscape.

“You know… it really is a beautiful sight.”

“Yeah…” Daichi smiled warmly, and Suga turned over towards him, attempting to do the same. But it wasn’t as gentle, and Daichi could swear he saw a tear roll down his friend’s cheek. Suga looked back at the water in front of them, his arms wrapping around his legs as he spoke.

“I think I’m ready to talk.”

Daichi didn’t respond, merely giving Suga’s shoulder a gentle, affirming squeeze before releasing and withdrawing to give the setter some space. A moment of stillness over the yellow lake passed, and Suga spoke, voice still quiet and slow.

“When I told you I wasn’t eating, I did mean that it was a problem that I’m working on… but that’s not why I’m keeping this shirt on, or why Noya and Tanaka made me freeze up, earlier.”

Daichi gave him an imploring look, and Suga rested his head on his raised knees, before continuing.

“I really do appreciate what you did by putting on that shirt. It did mean a lot, and it made me feel less watched by everybody for keeping mine on, and since I talked with both of them before we left, I think the others really did realize that they were probing a bit too much…”

“But there’s something else, isn’t there?”

Suga’s eyebrows furrowed closely together, eyes shut and fists clenched.

“I…”

A crow flew overhead, and a dense, monotonous vibration coursed through the water tube. Daichi looked away form Suga, turning towards a pale mass on the horizon. As it drew closer, Daichi could pick out the different boys on the boat. They had finally returned.

Daichi looked back to Suga, who’s head had tilted back to get a better view of the boat, as well. His eyes turned towards Daichi, who filled in the blanks.

“Suga, if you want to-”

“-Later… please.”

Daichi paused, merely looking at Suga. His eyes were starting to look a bit bloodshot, his hair frizzy from the water and the large grey shirt covering his body seemed to be weighing him down further. Everything about him in the moment just felt so… _heavy_. Finally, Daichi responded.

“Ok.”

The sun vanished behind the ridges in the distance

The boat pulled into place, a few feet away from the stationary inflatable tube, and Narita fished out the severed rope from the water. None of the boys onboard spoke, simply taking in the waves of irritation Daichi sent their way. Finally, Asahi called for Tsukishima, Narita and Nishinoya to pull in the captains like a parade float.

A minute passed, and a gentle thud announced that the water tube had made contact. The passengers on board remained deadly silent, waiting for Daichi’s anger to explode. Judging by Yamaguchi’s expression, he seemed to be expecting a dramatic presentation. Daichi wriggled to his hands and knees, before propelling himself upwards, pushing against the floor of the tube to stand tall and intimidatingly in the face of he and Suga’s ditchers. He glared especially hard at Nishinoya, who seemed to shrink against a rail next to Tanaka who did the same. Daichi took a step forward to approach them.

He promptly lost his footing and fell face-first onto the tube, before bouncing back upwards, landing on his butt. Nobody uttered a word and remained frozen to their spot. With Daichi’s track record as a terrifying captain even when he wasn’t angered, nobody wanted to test his temper further. At least, until…

Quiet laughter shocked Daichi out of his frozen position. He turned his head away from Tanaka, past Asahi, before whipping away from the boat, and turning around. The source of laughter came from… Suga. _Suga_ was laughing at the sight. Daichi felt his body relax, his eyebrow resting at their usual height, and he grinned.

“Suga, you picked the worst time to laugh at me.”

“I can’t help it, you looked like a cartoon, flopping back and forth like that!”

Daichi turned back towards the others, reaching a hand for Narita, his face still pleasant. Narita returned the look, and graciously pulled him aboard. Suga wasn’t far behind as Daichi begin to speak to the others, who had visibly relaxed at Daichi’s loosening up.

“Alright, how many of you _knew_ we got disconnected and did nothing about it?”

All of the boys except Asahi, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi raised their hands. Daichi looked back at Narita disappointingly.

“Tsk, tsk. It _was_ a nice view, but I’m very shocked that you all thought that was a good idea.”

Multiple voices spoke in unison, Asahi included.

“Sorry, Daichi.”

“You should be. Tomorrow, we’re making a campfire since _you’re_ all going to bed early. And by we, I mean you all are going to prepare a camping site that Kinnoshita found earlier and make a fire for the rest of the team to make up for whatever this _shebang_ was.”

The others merely nodded, before Daichi’s face lit up a little.

“Now can we get home? I’d like to eat something.”

Asahi smiled gently, before reaching for the keys, which he had pulled in order to safely drag in Daichi and Suga. As he did so, Daichi approached Nishinoya and Tanaka while Suga chatted with Tsukishima and Narita. Both second-years tensed up.

“So?”

“Sorry, Daichi. We were just trying to give you a good separation to be one-on-one with each other.”

_Great, now Tanaka knows._

“I totally believe that.”

“I mean, yeah there was a little motivation to leave you guys alone and stranded for fun, but do you think we’d let go of the only fun part of the boat just for you two to be together? We have our needs, too.”

Nishinoya was starting to speak a little bit too loudly, and Daichi glanced behind himself to see if Suga had heard anything. Tanaka broke in, chatting just as loudly.

“Oh, yeah, did you guys get all lovey-dovey? Did ya finally smooch-”

Daichi silently shoved both boys into the water. The splash alerted Asahi, who left the boat turned off, even though they had been pushed onto the side and away from any danger. Suga and Kinnoshita chuckled as both boys crawled back into the boat, soaking wet and covered in weeds. These two are definitely actual swamp monsters. Daichi coyly leaned towards them, faux whispering near them.

“I know you two probably already realized this earlier, but you should shut up when the time is right.”

Tanaka and Nishinoya humbly accepted Daichi’s berating, when Suga spoke up.

“You know, Daichi isn’t the one covered in swamp plants right now. Maybe you should do him a favor?”

"Suga, you're the devil."

Tanaka glanced at Nishinoya. Nishinoya glanced back. Daichi turned away from Suga with a face of abject horror, realizing the dripping weeds hanging from Nishinoya’s hands were dangerously close to him. He backed away.

“Get- blegh- back here, Daichi!”

The boys all laughed as Daichi tried in vain to outmaneuver the dripping duo, before they eventually cornered him up front, wrapping him up in a tight, soaking wet _hug._

“Ugh, I was just drying up, too.”

The boat was filled with laughter, and Nishinoya and Tanaka spread out to hug everyone they could with their drenched plant regalia. Daichi settled in a rear seat to watch, a gentle grin on his face.

By the time Asahi pulled into the dock, Daichi was nearly napping at his seat in the back. Suga pulled him from his slumber, before speaking quietly.

“I think everybody’s falling asleep out here. Wanna help Ukai return the keys and tube? There’s a bathroom with a shower station between the welcome station and here, so you don’t have to double back too far, and you can skip waiting for people.”

“Shirking your duty as vice-captain, I see.”

“Pfft, I’m the one doing the people-moving, you just have to help Ukai.”

“Ugh… fine. You win.”

“I always do, Dai.”

As the rest of the boys headed towards the showers with Suga in charge, Daichi hauled the tube out of the boat with Asahi. Though big and clunky, it wasn’t heavy, and simply needed a little help to move in and out of the narrow spaces. While Ukai began to enter view in the dark hazy lamplight, Asahi whispered quietly to Daichi.

“So was that a no on making a move?”

“Asahi! You big _rat_ man!” Daichi released a hand to flick Asahi, who recoiled before hauling the tube the rest of the way. It slid against the wooden dock with a satisfying _swish_. Asahi fumbled the keys out of his pockets, chucking them to Ukai, who had finally reached the boat. Asahi then made for the small cubby space to grab his shirt and towel.

“Okay, I’m gonna try to catch up with the others, goodnight!”

“Goodnight Asahi.” Ukai gently smiled before turning towards the tube resting in front of his feet.

“Alright, let’s get this hunk of junk home.”

Daichi and Ukai ended up completing the journey sooner than expected, reaching the welcome center through a quick cut through a small field and passing over a simple walking path, before reaching the lobby area. Daichi and Ukai set the tube down, before Ukai fished the keys out of his pocket and facing Daichi.

“I’ve got it from here, I just have to go and check back in with the desk lady. You can head back if you want.”

“Thank you very much! Good night.”

“Good night Daichi!”

The captain turned back around, heading off on the same path he and his coach had just taken. After the twenty minutes of walking with a clunky weight, the road back felt shorter and lighter. _Ukai put in the work to bring it to the dock alone, this morning._

Daichi eyed the showers in the distance. He had passed over a ridge, and could see the single story building next to the dim lamp post, casting a warm light over the cool green-grey walls. The boys were walking out, chatting indistinctly. As Daichi picked out Asahi from the crowd, he hastened his pace. _I don’t wanna be that late._

The other boys were already gone when Daichi reached the building. He grabbed a spare towel off the racks, and prepared to walk in, when he heard a shower running. _Curious._ He stepped inside the building.

As Daichi quietly reached the wide, open room, he took in a magical sight. Suga was standing under the showerhead, a thick steam covering his body from the waist up. Daichi stared speechlessly as Suga ran his hands through his hair. _He’s ethereal._

Then, Suga turned away, and Daichi saw his back.

He put a hand to his mouth, and his eyes welled up with tears. His skin, so perfect and smooth looking the last time Daichi had seen it, was battered. Deep, fresh scars were scattered across Suga’s back. They were dark, and turned in different directions. Towards Suga’s lower back, Daichi could make out a series of brighter red horizontal scars. They were thinner, and intersected with many of the darker vertical lines that ripped through the skin from above.

As Suga shifted around in the shower, Daichi was transfixed, taking in all of the dark scars that littered his back. _Those weren’t there a few weeks ago._ He exhaled softly, moving his hand away from his mouth.

Suga turned sharply, looking over his shoulder at Daichi. Caught. In aquick flurry of motion, the shower was turned off and Suga had grabbed a towel with the other hand, covering himself quickly. The scars were completely covered, as Suga wordlessly stepped towards Daichi.

“I-”

“It’s okay, Daichi…”

”What?”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. This is what I was trying to tell you about.”

“Jesus, Suga! What the fuck? This is why you were wearing the shirts, then? To hide all of those?!”

“Please, Daichi. Try to be understanding.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s just a _lot_ to take in at first glance. Jesus! Are you in pain? Does that hurt in the shower?”

“That’s your first question?”

“No- well… yeah.”

Suga was emotionless as he spoke.

“The scars don’t hurt too much so long as I don’t touch them.”

Daichi was silent for a minute, the steam fading substantially, leaving the room more sharp. In a way, it felt brittle to look at. Finally, he spoke again.

“Why do you do it?”

Suga looked long and hard into Daichi’s eyes, like he was trying to plead for something.

“Well… I’ve had a… not good situation at the house. It’s taken a lot out of me, and I haven’t had the time to really cope with loss. I guess, I just haven’t had the time to move past things.”

“So… why the cutting?”

“When I came to the new house, a lot of it kinda weighed on me. I felt like it was my fault, and I just didn’t know what to do, anymore. I haven’t told anyone this ever, but…”

Suga took a deep breath.

“I wanted to die. Sometimes I still do. It’s like… there’s pieces of me that are just… floating in parts of my mind. It’s like memories floating… or falling… I just felt like there wasn’t anything really keeping me moving, and now, the memories of whatever once was or the idea of who I wanted to be just… floated away. None of it’s gone from my memory, but the part of me that was happy and living just feels… _gone_.”

Daichi’s eyes were streaming tears. They gushed down his face, and he didn’t respond for a moment. Composing himself, he faced Suga with as much control as he could.

“I… am so sorry for all of the things you’ve had to go through. I’m sorry for all of it. And I know I can’t relate or take away the memory of what happened or is happening… but I want to be here for you. I want to help you however I can, even if it’s just to make you feel less alone.”

“Thank you Daichi…”

Suga’s eyes watered, and he tried to blink them away before relenting and just letting them fall. Before Daichi, his trembling jaw were a sorry sight paired with his bloodshot eyes. He was a _wreck._

“Would you like a hug?”

Suga nodded silently, unclenching his jaw before taking a weak step towards Daichi, who filled the space and enveloped him in a tight hug. Suga crumpled into the taller boy’s grip, and finally, finally let his tears fall completely freely. For long minutes, he just cried, and cried into Daichi’s shoulder, while the other man held him tightly, rubbing soothing circles into his back with his index finger.

As Daichi’s finger slowed its motion, so did Suga’s breath. His tears stopped falling, and his shoulders relaxed. He simply held Daichi close, squeezing intermittently. Long minutes of silence passed comfortably between them. Finally, Suga spoke up.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Making me feel seen.”

“Koushi, you’re too wonderful of a person to ignore. Besides, if you need to talk about anything that’s affecting you, I’ll always be here for you.”

“This may seem like poor timing to insert it given how fucked up I probably look, but that goes both ways. I’m here for you, too. Anytime, anything. If you’re struggling with something, please… tell me about it. We can face it together.”

“Of course, Suga.” Suga tightened his squeeze on Daichi, before releasing, and pulling his head back.

“Now, I know you’ve seen my scars and all, but would you mind giving me some space, here? I was kind of in the middle of putting conditioner in when you waltzed in, so I may or may not have left some on your neck and shoulder.”

“Ew, so that wasn’t just you being a greasy bag of butter?”

“Jury’s out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suga and Daichi are making progress together, but Daichi has a lot to learn about suga still
> 
> Not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I'm proud of myself for stretching it out a bit


	10. SECOND DAY OF TRIP (BONUS)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi jumped a little, his eyes wide as he gazed around in front of him. Where was he? How long was he lost in thought? He stared at the road, dark and featureless. He stared to his left, merely taking in dark, tall trees. He looked to the right.
> 
> And there he was.
> 
> Suga’s hand moved to rest on Daichi’s shoulder while he spoke.
> 
> “I know what you’re thinking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of self-harm
> 
> NOTE: All themes of self-harm and other dark instances in this story are loosely motivated (not inspired lol) by my own experiences with it, and do not define all cases with similar relationships and behaviors.

Daichi finished his his shower as fast as humanly possible before stepping outside with a huff. His breath was starting to show as the temperatures dropped. _Only another day left_. As he rounded the building and his feet reached dirt, the moon’s light illuminated the edges of a nearby figure watching the trees above. Suga had waited for him.

“I thought you were gonna head back?”

Suga turned around, his hair shining brightly. It was still damp, pushed back for a sleek look. _Cute…_

“I thought it’d be nicer to have company.”

The older boy gestured towards the road ahead of them, silently. Daichi took a step forward in answer, falling into place next to the setter. The cabin wasn’t far, but Suga wasn’t exactly hurrying, either, despite the weather.

For long seconds, they merely indulged in each other’s company, and the comfortable silence that followed. As they plodded over the well-worn dirt path, Daichi’s mind began to wander to the events of the day. At first, he just replayed the events of the morning, and the conversations that he engaged in.

But his mind shifted. Was he prepared for actually helping Suga? His friend was in a place where he felt the need to do… that. _Am I able to do anything to help him? Can I?_ His mind betrayed his heart for a moment, as a worse question lingered.

_Later._

Then, he was thinking about days yet to come.

_Where are we?_

High school was beginning to end; his life was just starting. He’d meet so many unique people. He’d be a different person than he was now.

_What if…?_

A firm hand smacked his back. Hard. Daichi jumped a little, his eyes wide as he gazed around in front of him. Where was he? How long was he lost in thought? He stared at the road, dark and featureless. He stared to his left, merely taking in dark, tall trees. He looked to the right.

And there he was.

Suga’s hand moved to rest on Daichi’s shoulder while he spoke.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

Daichi gulped, his eyes locking onto the older boy’s silhouette against the brighter, dimly lit welcome center in the distance. Not even the city lights were radiating this high up. Daichi hummed at Suga, who continued.

“We’re not gonna lose, and you’re going to succeed in whatever you end up doing. Your future is always going to be your future, and it’s impossible to think about what might happen when you’ve got the present right in front of you.”

Daichi was practically blubbering at Suga’s words. They began to walk again, and Suga’s features became more apparent through the flickering trees. They approached a clearing up ahead, and the moonlight was spreading towards them.

“But how do you kno-”

Suga chopped him in the side, effectively shutting him up.

“Live for what you’ve got going for you, _now_. It will always matter infinitely more than a _maybe_ further along the line.”

Daichi merely stood in the quiet of the night. _Live for what’s important to me right now?_ He wasn’t sure he knew what that meant. _What if…?_

Suga chopped Daichi in the side, again.

“Hey, what the heck, Suga? I wasn’t even gone yet, that time!”

“I could just tell you were on the way.”

“You’re such a bully.”

Suga stuck his tongue out.

“You’re such a baby. Besides, if anyone’s a bully out of the two of us, I wouldn’t place a lot of money on the skinny guy who _chops up his back_ when he gets bothered by his memories of childhood.”

Daichi stopped in his tracks, merely looking at Suga, eyes gleaming. The setter returned a questioning gaze with a quirked eyebrow. A moment passed, and his features seemed to relax as his back rounded.

“It’s a joke, Dai. You can laugh.”

“Uh… I don’t know that it’s great to. At least for me.”

“Daichi, I promise, it’s okay. I know that sounds like a proven serial killer trying to argue that they aren’t actively planning to take out somebody else, but it’s true. It’s better I treat this with humor, anyways.”

“Okay, I just wanna be sure you don’t downplay it, either.”

“I won’t, Dai. I don’t need to pretend I’m happy when I’m not. But I’m not going to be so… heavy all the time, either!”

“You know, that’s one of the things I really admire about you, Suga. You’re so headstrong, and the way you support other people is always so inspiring. You are inspiring. I just, I don’t know… I want to help you however I can, and I want you to know I’ll be there for you, when it matters, you know?”

Suga looked ready to jab Daichi’s sides again, but seemed to think against it before speaking. His grin faded away into the dark as a tree blocked out the light, again.

“I really appreciate that, Dai. Sometimes... I wish that I could just fix my problems. Or the problems of others. I even _dreamt_ about it, once! But I guess we can’t do much more than try to help ourselves and others through tough days as best we can and... accept what comes.”

Daichi huffed another quiet breath, taking in the visible steam that blew away into the wind.

“I don’t know about that.”

“Hmm?”

“We can’t fix other people’s problems, you’re right about that. And you probably shouldn’t try to, either. But… the people you love? The ones you really _care_ about? Maybe they deserve every bit of energy you’ve got in the tank. Not because you can _fix_ things, but because you might end up reaching a better place… together.”

Suga stared at Daichi for long seconds. Then, his lips curled upwards, and they started to walk forward again, into the bright clearing.

“Jeez, how do you switch between saying such stupid stuff and then drop bombs like that a minute later?”

“Hey! I didn’t say anything stupid! Lately…”

“Pfft.”

“Suga.”

“Pfffffft.”

Daichi and Suga arrived to the sounds of heated yelling and indistinct screeching. Daichi could see Hinata, Kinnoshita, Narita and Ennoshita were heavily involved with a video game they’d brought along. To their left sat Asahi, who nervously glanced between the gamers and Tsukishima, who was… _humming_ ….an oddly familiar melody as his headphones tuned the crowd out. Daichi put on a stern expression and refaced Asahi, who appeared deeply disturbed by Tsukishima’s behavior.

“We leave you alone for like… five minutes? Ten?”

‘Nice going, Asahi!’

“Suga!”

“Whoops, my bad.”

“Ugh… where are the others, Asahi?”

“Yamaguchi and Kageyama are exploring the second floor, I think, and I have no idea where Tanaka and Noya are.”

“Did you see them leave through the front door?”

“I’m not really sure. The others have filled the noisy void well enough on their own, so I didn’t realize they were gone until, like… now.”

“This is why Suga’s Vice Captain.”

“You’re so _rude_ , Daichi!”

Asahi smiled lightly to show he wasn't hurt by Daichi's words, before heading over towards Kinnoshita's futon. The captain smirked a little as he began to walk towards the other bedroom. Suga followed closely, until Daichi stopped walking, suddenly. He craned his neck back towards the rest of the team, before turning towards them completely.

The captain stepped past Suga with a funny look, before creeping behind Tsukishima, who’s eyes remained closed as he hummed in a strange trance. Suga watched as Daichi sneakily tip-toed behind Tsukishima, perching just behind the first-year’s head, listening intently.

A moment passed. Then another. Suga grew impatient.

“Daichi, are we-”

“Shhazshhhhh.”

Daichi gestured his hand widly, before centering his focus back onto the humming. Tsukishima remained in his eerie trance-like pose, legs crossed, eyes, shut. Suga was willing to bet the blocker would float into the air and glow any second. Daichi kept staring at the back of Tsukishima’s skull like a goat, eyes unfocused. Suddenly, his shoulders tensed up, and he reared backwards, standing to his full height again. Eyes wide, he padded over to Suga like he’d won the lottery. While Daichi fished out his keys, Suga greeted Yamaguchi and Kageyama as they passed by, before nudging the captain and speaking in a dramatic, hushed tone.

“What song was it?”

Daichi pulled out his key with a satisfied look, before unlocking the door.

“The Land Before Time Soundtrack.”

Daichi and Suga weren’t expecting to find two grown men standing in their shared bedspace over the long weekend, and they definitely weren’t expecting said men to jump into sight. Daichi and Suga also weren’t expecting the men to actually be Nishinoya and Tanaka. At the recognition of the second years, Daichi’s face turned from shocked to sour.

“What the hell are you two doing in here? I locked this door. There’s no other keys.”

Both boys immediately raised their hands into the air and began to talk over each other, before Tanaka broke through.

“We didn’t mean to scare you but we wanted to talk somewhere separate and the window was unlocked!”

Daichi turned towards Suga with tired, tired eyes. Suga gently smiled back at him, before turning to face the second years. Compared to Daichi, he spoke softly, and if Daichi didn’t know better, he’d say the older boy sounded mildly _amused._

“Alright, what did you two want to talk about with us that you had to break and enter through the _definitely_ locked window?”

“We didn’t break it! I swear it was unlocked.”

Daichi smirked as Suga gently riled them up, before listening more closely as Nishinoya directed his response towards the setter.

“We… wanted to apologize for today. About the shirt thing, I mean.”

“You… already did?”

“Yeah, but not properly. We could tell it bothered you, and it wasn’t cool of us to bring something up like that. We should of known better, and I think I speak for us both when I say we’re really sorry, Suga.”

“It’s okay, Noya.”

“Are you sure, though? We don’t want you to feel like you have to hole up away from all of us because of the dumb stuff we say.”

“Actually, Daichi offered the first real night. It’s no biggie, since we have the futon, here, and it's nice and relaxing.”

Noya was quiet for a second, and looked towards Daichi before speaking again.

“Oh… okay! We’re still very sorry though for how we acted, today. It won’t happen again.”

Suga just kept smiling that same gentle, wistful smile, before he spoke.

“Apology accepted. I already accepted the other apology, but I’m glad you both came to talk about it more in private. Best second years for a reason.”

“Best… second years…” Nishinoya looked towards Tanaka. Tanaka looked at Nishinoya. Daichi felt a headache form just at the thought of what was to come and moved faster than Hinata and Kageyama’s freaky new attack. Just as both boys opened their mouths to belt a terrible, awful and loud cheer, Daichi clamped a hand over both boy’s mouths, before quietly and menacingly speaking to both of them. The looks of excitement dropped from their faces.

“Let’s not make this some weird rom-com. Suga has forgiven you, but I think it would be wise to give us a little peace. Sound good?”

Tanaka and Nishinoya backed away from Daichi, who continued to stand imposingly in front of the door. He held his glare as Tanaka tried and failed twice to get a leg up, before reaching the window, and crawling out, dragging Nishinoya behind him. Daichi held the expression until a hand re-emerged to grab the window and shut it quietly. Suga released a contagious giggle, and spoke quietly as he began to walk towards the private bathroom.

“Couldn’t you have just opened the door?”

“It’s more of a power move, this way.”

“Okay, _mighty man_.”

Suga chuckled lightly, grabbing his tiny bag in one swoop, before stepping into the bathroom. Leaving the door opened, he unzipped his bag, and fumbled around for his toothbrush. Just as he grabbed it, a form made itself visible, leaning against the doorway.

“How do you do it?”

Suga looked up at Daichi.

“Do what?”

“ _Cut_.”

Suga looked away from Daichi to stare at his own reflection. Long seconds passed, and it failed to answer whatever Suga was looking for. He took a deep breath, staring down into the sink. Then, he exhaled, his shoulders slumping and his back rounding. Finally, he placed a hand over the tiny bag on the counter, and spoke softly.

“I… I use these razor blades in this ol’ thing. There’s some rubbing alcohol in here, too. I packed it just in case. To be safe, I guess. When one of those days happens, and I need to, uh, cut… _it’s all here_.”

He took another breath.

“I know it’s probably weird to be cutting my back, instead of my wrists, or legs. But it’s easier to avoid being seen when it’s somewhere covered up by my clothes most of the time.”

“I don’t think it’s weird, at all, actually. I can’t even try to understand _how_ you’re feeling, but I think I understand _what_ you’re doing.”

Suga smiled the faintest of smiles and stared back at Daichi for a moment before looking back to the sink.

Daichi stepped into the room, standing behind Suga. He placed his hands on Suga’s shoulders and leaned in on his side to speak to Suga’s reflection, gently.

“Anything else in there worth noting?”

“Toothbrush and paste?”

Suga held up the mentioned items in his hands, the bag resting on the counter. Daichi carefully grabbed them from the setter’s hands with tender, slow movements, before returning his hands to Suga’s shoulders, and speaking again.

“Maybe, we should put the bag away. I can’t tell you what to do, but I do know that if you limit your access to sharp and pointy objects, you might be a little less likely to hurt yourself as often.”

“Dai… I don’t know…”

“Will you try it, just for a night, even? Even if it’s not on a night where you would be cutting? You can leave your toothbrush over here, and I won’t touch it or anything, okay?”

Suga stared back at Daichi’s reflection with a cold stare. He looked tired and puffy. How had he not noticed, earlier?

_Did the others miss it too?_

A moment passed, and Suga’s eyebrows relaxed. He sighed quietly, before relaxing his arms. Daichi only noticed then that Suga had been gripping the bag firmly. Now, he released his hold of the small pouch, and pushed it to his side, for Daichi to be close to it.

The captain grabbed it, quietly and slow, and left his position behind Suga. He placed the toothbrush and toothpaste onto the counter for Suga, before turning towards the doorway, again.

“Get ready for bed, then. And no _peeking_ while I hide this. Okay?”

Suga nodded wordlessly, and Daichi left the bathroom, slightly closing the door in the process to discourage Suga from looking. Daichi quickly found a hard-to-reach spot, and hid it as best he could, before reclining onto the futon. Suga emerged a minute later, carefully resting next to him.

Wordlessly, both boys turned off the lights, and crawled under the large banket they shared in the nights prior. Only a sliver of light crept through the doorway below, and Daichi faintly listened to the sounds of the team celebrating their wins and losses. He was beginning to zone out when Suga’s voice quietly bounced off the walls of the empty room.

“I think I should be thanking you too-”

“-Don’t. If you think any of this is something to be guilty over, don’t. ‘Cuz if you do, I’ll _so_ come close to clocking you one.”

Suga chuckled lightly, the darkness of the room settling like an extra blanket. More silence passed between them, before Suga spoke up, again.

“I think the team has aged you a few years.”

Daichi groaned quietly.

“Don’t get me started. I’ve never had to deal with people breaking in through unlocked _windows_ , before.”

“You saying people usually just break in regularly, old man?”

Daichi thought to the last time he _thought_ there was an intruder in his house, before switching his thoughts away again. _Later._

“Who are you calling old, _oldie?_ You’ve got all that grey hair. _And_ you’re older.”

“Maybe you should listen to your _superiors_ , then, instead of acting like a character from a tv show.”

“What show do you think I’d be in?”

“… _Dateline_?”

Both boys chuckled loudly, barely stifling thee sounds of their breathy laughs, before settling back into their comfortable silence in the dark, dark room. As colder air seemed to blow against Daichi’s exposed face, he buried deeper into the blanket, and his mind wandered further with Suga’s words about Dateline. _Hm…_

_Dating Suga._

Daichi shook himself from his thoughts. His brain was definitely turning to jelly at the thought of Suga. The older boy seemed to shudder for a moment, the blanket that covered both boys slightly moving in response. Suga spoke again, his whispers quiet and close.

“I know I said it already… but I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Suga-”

“And ever since this trip started, I don’t know… I feel like I’m actually _living_ , now. I feel like there’s a reason behind what I do, these days. Especially tonight. There’s a ways to go, for sure… but you’ve helped me more than you know, so thank you.”

Daichi’s jaw unclenched at Suga’s words, relaxing his head sideways to face Suga’s silhouette in the darkness. He was taken aback by the setter’s words, and merely sat there. In the silence, Daichi heard a quiet sniffle, and a sharp inhale of breath.

“Suga, do you want a hug?”

“Mhmm…”

Daichi sat upwards, and if the sound next to him was any indication, Suga had done the same. Slowly, _cautiously_ , he inched his hands out through the darkness. He felt the air with trepidation, before connecting with a cheek, his thumb resting over Suga’s nose, before quickly adjusting to Suga’s shoulder and pulling him close.

For long minutes, Daichi just held Suga close. Suga held him back, his head buried into Daichi’s shoulder, arms limply hanging from his fists, which fiercely gripped the back of Daichi’s shirt. On occasion, Daichi would feel a tear pool onto his shoulder, but he didn’t mind; it only made him hold Suga tighter. Many minutes later, Suga picked up his head sharply, before sluggishly removing himself from Daichi.

“How long was I doing that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Listen.”

Daichi complied, but couldn’t hear anything. The whole cabin was quiet, minus the dim sounds of the air conditioning. It was like…

“I think all the others are asleep, already.”

“Kinda wacky. Only the captains staying up this late? What kind of example are we setting?”

“Suga, if you try and wake them all up on this one, _last_ wonderful night, I’m going to lock you out of the room.”

“Psh, then who would you _spoon_ in the middle of the night?”

“What?!”

“Shush! It was only once, though.”

“It’s only been two days! And we leave tomorrow night-”

‘‘Shh! _Whisper_ , you dummy. Wait, we’re leaving tomorrow, now?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell everybody in the morning, but Ukai said we couldn’t miss Tuesday because of driving concerns. Apparently, the early Friday and the Monday off were enough, and the _Vice Principal_ doesn’t seem to like the team very much due to events we don't speak of, so we can’t get any excused write-offs. It couldn’t be helped…”

“Oh.”

“Yup.”

“Then I guess… this is our last night away from home, huh?”

“Yeah...”

Suga reclined onto his back, and Daichi worriedly did the same. After a moment of looking up at the inky black haze that was the ceiling, he spoke again with a resolute tone.

“Let’s make tomorrow a good final day.”

“Yeah.”

Daichi pushed himself back under the covers to face the ceiling as he started to drift off to sleep. The hum of the air conditioning monotonously hummed into his ear, and he closed his eyes, willing himself to drift off. The weight of his body fell away, and he felt warmth. Suga’s hand rested in his own as Daichi drifted off to a deep and comfortable rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trip is coming to an end!


	11. LAST DAY OF TRIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugawara felt heavy in the early morning. He’d gone to bed feeling okay, but there was something… nagging as his body began to stir. He tried to hold onto the comfort of the futon for as long as he could, but his mind was waking up.
> 
> Last day.
> 
> Just another day until you’re back.
> 
> Back home…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Attempted self-harm, and shitty humor. Also, Twin Peaks spoilers?

Sugawara felt heavy in the early morning. He’d gone to bed feeling okay, but there was something… _nagging_ as his body began to stir. He tried to hold onto the comfort of the futon for as long as he could, but his mind was waking up.

_Last day._

_Just another day until you’re back._

_Back home…_

It wouldn’t be long, now. Suga was distinctly aware of an internal clock, starting to count down. Tick. Tick. Tick. He wanted to roll over; he wanted to dream of a golden pasture, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t move. As Suga opened his eyes to the dull, grey colors of the dawn, he tilted his head to the side. Daichi’s arm was resting on his chest, just below the clavicle.

_Oh…_

_That’ll do it._

Under his confinement, Suga took in his surroundings, his vision blinking away dark spots. As his eyes adjusted to the dim room, he zeroed in on a small, lumpy _bag_ , partially obstructed by a shirt and water bottle. It was his. _Daichi tried,_ he thought. Suga’s eyes flitted away and towards the phone that rested on his side.

**6:27 AM**

_That’s enough time._

Finally, Sugawara began to move. He was slow, and quiet as a mouse. He started by gently sliding a hand underneath the covers, and began to move towards his chest, under Daichi’s arm. Carefully, he checked for a response from the other boy. _Nothing._ Suga tweaked his arm, bending at the elbow to line it up with Daichi’s. Suga’s arm was directly lined up with Daichi’s above. Still no response.

Suga began to push his arm upwards, carrying the weight of Daichi’s wider forearm, too. The captain didn’t seem to mind, his breathing slow and calm as he faced the ceiling. If Suga weren’t bothered by the _lively_ stray arm, he’d say Daichi slept like the _dead._

Finally, Suga had enough space held between his arm (and Daichi’s) and his torso. It was just enough to slide out of the way, and out of the bed. _Do I even want to get out of bed?_ Daichi’s hand, limply held up by Suga’s, began to twitch. As Suga began to slip out of reach, Daichi’s fingers curled downward, unconsciously reaching for Suga.

_Not right now. Please…_

Suga slipped the rest of his body out from under the covers and crouched on the floor next to the futon. His arm remained extended, now firmly held by Daichi’s sleep-induced vice hold. Wearily, Suga tried to remove his own hand.

“Dai, I need you to work with me, here,” Suga whispered, his hand tugging away.

_I need to do this._

_I need…_

“There.”

Suga pulled his hand free, the other supporting Daichi’s wrist. He gently lowered it back down and stood back. Daichi remained unbothered and sluggishly gripped the sheets. He was free… at least from the iron grip.

_Get the bag._

_You know what’s coming._

_Get out of here._

_GO._

Suga sat back on his haunches, before turning away from Daichi and towards the bag. Placing a hand on the hardwood, below, Suga steadied himself, and pushed himself to stand. He stumbled once, twice, before righting himself. _You’re okay._

He took quiet steps around the futon, socks dampening any sound made by walking by Daichi. One particular tile seemed to work against Sugawara, however, and sounded audibly with a terrible _squeak_. Suga winced, eyes shut and fist clenched. He waited a moment, before peeking an eye open towards the futon.

Daichi was still fast asleep. He seemed to mumble something quietly, but Suga could not hear what.

_Okay._

_You’re okay._

Suga took a deep breath in, and exhaled a quick, shallow breath, before breathing in again. He turning away from the futon, again. He grabbed the bag, avoided the betraying tile, and shuffled into the private bathroom in the far corned of the room. Daichi was none the wiser as he cautiously shut the door.

_You’re okay._

_Now do it._

Suga unzipped the small pouch-like bag quickly, but not without trepidation. Silently, he pulled a single, detached razor blade from a small ziploc of similar metal sheets. It shined dimly, with nothing but the subtle light outside the mosaic porthole window to illuminate it. Suga didn’t dare turn on the overhead lighting

Instead, he merely tapped a finger along the blade’s sides, trying to get a feel for the sharpened part. Suddenly, Suga lost his handle on it, and the blade slipped from his fingertips, barreling toward the ground. _Not good._

Suga’s other hand came barreling forward with lightning speed. In the dark, he felt a lightweight metal fragment make contact with his skin, avoiding the noise that would rise from it hitting the ground. A split second later, Suga’s hand smacked into the sink’s countertop at full force. He shut his eyes tightly, resisting the urge to make a sound, to do _anything_ about what he’d just done.

_If that hurts, why do you keep doing worse things to yourself?_

_No_ , Suga thought. He wasn’t ready to think about that. Especially not when he was busy with the blade that lightly hung in his outstretched, _stinging_ hand. If the circumstances were different and Daichi were present, it’d probably be funnier than it was.

_Daichi…_

Suga tried to shake himself out of his own thoughts. His instincts were forcing themselves into control. They wanted one thing, and the urge was getting stronger the longer Suga stood there, in the dark.

_Do it._

_You’re okay._

_Cut._

Suga tugged his baggy tank top over his head, laying it over the counter to wait. Suga held the razor blade close in his hand, his reflection starting to become more visible in the mirror. It was only a little, but the sun was starting to rise in the distance.

_Not much time, now._

_Do it._

_Do you want Daichi to find you in the middle of this?_

Suga shuddered at the thought. He didn’t want for any of this. He didn’t want to be shut away like this. He didn’t want to be alone.

_Hurry up._

_Cut._

_Cut._

_Cut._

Suga started to raise the blade towards his back instinctively. He’d have to turn on a light somehow to make sure he didn’t bleed through his shirt when he was done. He couldn’t go out like that.

_Why do I have to do any of this in the first place?_

_I don’t wanna do this._

_What do I want?_

The razor blade was inches away from skin. In the hazy dark room, Suga could only rely on the feeling of his arm growing closer to his spine in the contorted position he’d grown accustomed to. But he hesitated. Long seconds passed.

_What do I want?_

Suga’s hands started to shake. He was breathing faster, now.

_Do it._

_Hurry the fuck up._

_You’re the reason you’re in this situation._

Suga’s eyes were dazedly unfocused in the darkness. They were watering.

_What do I want?_

_Cut._

_Rip yourself open._

A heart monitor beeped rapidly.

His lip quivered.

Hands crept towards his neck.

_What do I want?_

Suga tried to press the blade to his skin. He wanted to override all of his thoughts. He didn’t want any of this. It was too much.

Flatline.

_What do I want?_

Daichi was smiling a toothy grin at him.

Suga dropped the razor blade, letting it clatter distantly. It was worlds away from him. _He_ was worlds away. Suga looked into the mirror, exhausted. His eyes seemed tired. He felt tired. He felt…

“Fuck.”

Suga let his tears begin to fall, at last. Quietly, he heaved in and out, leaning his head down against the counter. He felt everything all at once, deep in his gut. Minutes passed, and Suga rested his head against the cold countertop, tears pooling lazily. _You’re okay._

He propped himself up, peering into the mirror, again. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was messier now than the bedhead he’d walked into the bathroom with. He looked awful. But he couldn’t help but smile a little. He’d fought _it_ off.

_You’re okay._

Daichi awoke to heavy thumping and yelling that was _far_ too close to ignore. The captain sat up bleary eyed to a bright and sunny room, his eyes adjusting sluggishly. Sunlight poured through the single window in the private bedroom, bathing Daichi in a golden light. Apparently, it also hit all the _other_ boys, who were taking up residence in the room, too.

“Noya, hurry up! I gotta _pee_!”

“What do you think _I’m_ doing?!”

“I don’t know, but you’ve been in there too long already!”

“I just got in!”

“It’s been like _five_ years!”

“Shut up, Narita! I’m not gonna be able to go, now.”

“Are you like... five?!”

Asahi, who stood in the middle of the crowd lined up to use the bathroom, turned towards Daichi with a seemingly apologetic face. His smirk said _otherwise_ , though.

“Mornin, Daichi.”

“I blame you.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“I don’t know what _this_ is, but I blame you. _Wholeheartedly_. What time is it?”

“Too early for you to be bullying me… and 10.”

“Already?! Why didn’t Suga wake me? Why didn’t _any of you_ wake me?!”

“Ukai said he was picking up breakfast from the outside world last night, remember?”

Daichi paused, allowing himself to think for the first time of the day. _Oh, that’s right._ Ukai had called the main room's landline before everyone went to bed.

“Still doesn’t explain why all of you are in Suga and I’s room.”

“Well…”

The bathroom door opened, and Nishinoya jumped out to face Daichi, who remained on the futon.

“Tanaka ate something bad, and the other bathroom has been _compromised_.”

Daichi furrowed his brow.

“Compromised?”

“You can smell it from the other room.”

“Hard pass.”

Daichi peered around. What was once a quaint, private room had become a bustling, crowded breeding ground for disrupted sleep. He rose to his feet, barely shuffling past Asahi, Nishinoya and the other boys, before reaching the door. His exhaustion tempted him to collapse into one of the futons out there, but the unique faint _odor_ that reached his nose at the closed door encouraged him to think otherwise.

He was about to sit back onto the futon, where he still had some space to himself, when the door opened suddenly. A shaved head greeted him by reflecting the light in the window, blinding Daichi. It was like the Vice Principal all over again.

“Tanaka, your head is too shiny! You’re gonna burn a hole through somebody’s eyes.”

“Sorry, Captain, -m still feeling a li’l woozy…”

“What'd ya eat that brought the entire team into my room to _collectively_ shit all over everything?”

“Hey, some of us are just trying to brush our teeth!”

“You don’t fool me, Asahi. I know you’re up to something… _malicious_. You’re giving all kinds of _rat-man_ energy this morning. I feel it.”

“You’ve definitely been spending more time with Suga, ‘cuz I have _no idea_ how to take that…”

Tanaka merely barreled past Daichi, collapsing onto the futon on the far side. Asahi looked back to the bathroom as the door made a creaking sound. _So much for a relaxing last day_. He eyed the lineup of boys as Narita opened the door for the next person in line.

_Eight._

_Nine._

_Ten._

Daichi recounted. He did it again. Then again. He included himself in the count. There were still only eleven people in the room. Somebody was _missing._

Another door creaked open, this time from the front of the cabin. A distant groan- likely due to the smell- alerted Daichi. Instead of waiting around for the rest of the team to do… _whatever they had to do,_ he slipped on a pair of shoes and made a beeline for the way out, ignoring the strange looks he got and the more alarming _smells_ that hit his nose at full force as he headed for the just closing front door.

Suga shot him a confused look as Daichi grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him back outside, shutting the door behind them. Once they had both stepped slightly away from the door, Daichi released a breath, looking back to check on the door, before turning to regard the setter with full attention. He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke.

“Sorry, trying to avoid whatever weird shit Tanaka had.”

“It’s cool.”

“Did you need to use the bathroom, at all?”

“Uh… nope! I’m all good. They still taking up residence in the bathroom?”

“Yeah, Tanaka probably took the world’s worst dump before I got breakfast.”

“Oh, that wasn’t shit.”

“Uhhh…”

“ _Anywho_ , I grabbed some cleaning supplies from the cabin next door for him to try and remedy things. You’d be surprised how many uses this card has for things it shouldn’t be used for.”

“Suga, don’t tell me you broke into some random cabin and did lines.”

“I’ll never tell a soul.”

Daichi giggled, before pulling Suga away from the room, and towards the side of the cabin.

“I’ve got an idea…”

Suga shot a pointed look before fluttering his eyelashes and speaking in a light sing-song voice.

"I thought you were supposed to be the _nice_ straight-talk fellow!"

"Not when I lose my bed to hooligan teenagers."

They reached their room’s window just as Daichi extended his arm to his side, preventing Suga from moving forward into the line of sight for anybody nearby. Daichi looked back at Suga, and spoke in a whisper.

“Tanaka’s on our futon, your side.”

“He laying down, or is he sitting upright?”

“Laying down, but he could’ve moved. Wait, does that matter?”

“Hm… I’ll aim for both. I have at least two good shots.”

“Perfect. I got the window.”

“Ready? On three.”

“One…”

“Two…”

Daichi sprung forward, grabbing the unlocked window, and hauling it open. In a flurry of motion, Suga dashed in front of the window, rearing back with his right hand. He pushed forward, and before Daichi could even _register_ the motion, Suga had shot the plastic bottles through the window, where they landed on Tanaka’s rear with a force. Both boys were out of sight, before the second year (or anybody else) spoke.

“Hey! Do the spirits that chucked this at me have any rags? Or maybe paper towels?!”

Suga stifled a giggle, as he remained planted firmly against the cabin’s walls, still out of sight of the rest of the team inside. _Success_. He leaned towards Daichi to speak quietly.

“They’ll be fine, there’s some spare towels in our bathroom they can use. Otherwise, they can probably grab Asahi’s mop head to wipe up the bile.”

“I love how we’re on the same wavelength about bullying Asa- wait, Tanaka threw up?”

“… In _some_ parts of the room.”

“Was there more than that?”

Suga looked at Daichi very seriously.

“I like kids, but what happened in the other bathroom, it’s something I don’t even know if babies could _accomplish_ on their worst day.”

Daichi wanted to ask more, but another question popped up into his mind.

“Okay, we’ll circle back to that, but what’s the plan for practice, today?”

Suga looked mildly shocked.

“You’re asking me about practice?”

“Yeah, I haven’t got anything. I usually figure it out the day of, but it’s been an _interesting_ morning, and everybody else is shitting in the bathroom I’d prefer to _think_ in.”

Suga giggled before responding.

“Sorry, it’s just, you’re usually so on top of planning everything, I guess I wasn’t expecting you to do it all on the _toilet_. Plus, I thought you didn’t really want my help.”

“It’s not _always_ in the bathroom, Suga! And what do you mean by that?”

Suga squatted down, before pushing his legs out to sit against the angle between the cabin’s wall and the soft grass. He looked in front of him, before continuing.

“I don’t know… after the whole replacement setter thing happened and I went right back to being a benchwarmer before the season even started, I thought I didn’t really have much of a purpose in everything. I’m not upset about losing my spot- I don’t even think I’ve got any jealousy towards Kageyama, but… I can’t help but feel a little _useless_.”

Daichi remained silent.

“You always seem so put together all the time! You’ve always got a plan of action, and you’re always, _always_ set for whatever comes your way. Most of the time I’m just amazed and proud to say that I’m part of _your_ team, part of the team _you_ lead. But sometimes, I guess I feel like for being vice, I should be doing _more._ I _could_ be doing more, you know? I want to be able to do _more_.”

Daichi faced Suga, before tentatively placing a hand on Suga’s. He gave a gentle squeeze, before speaking. His voice was soft and soothing.

“Suga, I’ve always said you’re not a burden. You’re never a burden, even when youre being a total shit.”

The setter chuckled.

“But more than that, I can’t do any of this _without you_. I might be able to think of generic workouts that we did in the past to reuse when Ukai’s not around, but I’m not just here for doing that. In a way, I come up with what to do and how to lead the team through the little things _you’ve done_ …”

“Dai…”

“You inspire me in so many ways, Suga. Even off the court, the way you help everybody is so dang _cool!_ I don’t think that side of you gets praised enough by anybody, but I _know_ it doesn’t get praised enough by me when it should be. You do so much more than you seem to admit it’s _scary_ , sometimes. You’re like the Laura Palmer of Miyagi.”

“You _watched_ that show?”

“Hell yeah. I liked the story.”

“Then you know she dies, right? Like she gets _murdered_ by her dad after she visits like every single place in town in one day and all?”

“Suga! What if I hadn’t seen it, before?”

“Half of that is like the first episode.”

“The rest is in the movie.”

They both laughed quietly, before Daichi spoke again.

“I meant what I said… Suga, you’re the coolest person I know, and it’s not even a competition. There’s so much that you already do for the team. I wouldn’t be here without you, and every day, _you’re_ the reason I keep moving forward.”

“Dai, what are you trying to say?”

_What am I trying to say?_

_He’s your best friend, idiot._

_No._

_He’s more._

_Am I doing this?_

_Now?_

“Suga, I-”

“Yeah, Daichi, what are you trying to say?”

The captain peered past Suga’s head, towards the window, which remained open as Nishinoya and the rest of the team peered out at them with feigned interest. Kageyama poked a straw through his milk carton as he watched. They had _all_ gathered to watch the show.

“Do you people mind?”

“Nah-”

“Not really-”

“Nope-”

“I think it’s exciting!”

Daichi repressed the urge to commit great acts of violence and stood to shut the window on all of them when a voice spoke up. It was Kageyama who stopped Daichi in his tracks. He spoke quietly, but with purpose.

“Sugawara, you don’t need to feel down. You’re the most uplifting member of the team. Not even Hinata can make Tsukishima as mildly interested in conversations while keeping everybody else on board, too. Plus, you’re teaching me a lot about being less cruel to the shrimp.”

“Hey!”

“Yeah! And you’re the best at _cheering_ everybody on.”

“We _care_ about you, Suga!”

“You’re integral to keeping Tanaka and Nishinoya from cannibalizing someone at _any_ given moment.”

“You’re a _wonderful_ personality to interact with on a day-to-day basis!”

“I don’t think anybody else knows how to clean blood as _quickly_ as you.”

Suga beamed at the team, and Daichi relaxed. Even Tsukishima had offered some kind of support, regardless of how cryptic and _ominous_ the implications of his words were. They weren’t all there, but Daichi knew one thing for certain; they were _becoming_ a family.

_Crap, I might cry._

Then the smell poured through the window, and hit Daichi’s nose.

“Eugh! I thought it was contained to the main room.”

“It was, and then Tanaka got nauseous on the futon.”

“Oh, gross! Gross, gross, gross! We were _sleeping_ there!”

“It’s not that bad! There’s not even any urine on it.”

“I’m- I’m shaking. I’m _shaking_ , here. What the hell happened in there? Suga, what happened?”

Suga shrugged as Daichi desperately clung to his shoulders like a love interest from a bad 80s movie.

“Trust me, it’s better you _don’t_ know.”

“I- is it? Is it, _really?!_ ”

“Just trust me,” he replied before turning back towards the others. “Can you keep our bags out of the way and use the towels in the bathroom to mop things up for now?”

“We moved the bags just in time, but we’re out of towels, already. The _next_ option is to use clothes or our hands to scoop up the clumpy parts, I think.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Suga perked up as he spoke, before rising from Daichi’s grip, standing tall for the first time in Daichi’s recent memory. He looked down on Daichi with sympathy, before refacing the others in the window.

“All of you should step out here. Come through the window, please.”

Not a single person dissented, and within seconds, everybody had escaped the sinking ship, while Suga stepped forward, grabbing Asahi by the shoulder. He seemed to position the ace to the side of the window.

“Come here, I need a boost in.”

“Suga, are- are you sure?”

The setter didn’t respond, and held a steely gaze as he propped his foot on Asahi’s knee, before leaping up, gracefully securing himself against the window. He peered in, before refacing the team that had gathered to watch. Nishinoya seemed to be _weeping._

“I’ll be out in like fifteen minutes. Asahi, play nice with Daichi, you know how soft _he_ is.”

“In what world-”

“Noya, keep him in check. Dai, now’s a good time to think of today’s schedule.”

Without another word, Suga tucked his feet into the window, before pulling himself in and out of sight. A loud _splat_ signified his arrival, but he did not comment further. Nishinoya was the first to speak up.

“That man… is a _hero_.”

“Damn right.”

“No question.”

Daichi didn’t even bother to remind them of the time Suga cried over a nature documentary they saw at lunch, together. He just focused on thinking up a new practice plan to carry out. _Ukai’s been pretty off the clock, anyways._ The rest of the team chatted casually, while Hinata- sat near Daichi and Kageyma- looked over Tanaka, who rested on the grass far more comfortably than he had, earlier. Daichi looked over as Tanaka sat upright.

“I think I’m better, now. It feels better with the carrots out of my system.”

“Tanaka, I really mean this in the worst possible way, but the more you speak, the more I feel like _gagging._ Lemme think.”

“Psh.”

Just after Daichi had thought through an actual practice plan that would keep Tanaka and anybody else relatively spaced out from each other, a voice called out of the open window. It was Suga’s.

“Hey, guys? If anybody was betting against my skills to remove milk, blood _and_ that ectoplasm thing Tanaka has going on, I’m proud to say you’d lose all your chips.”

“Hey, Suga?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck does _any of that mean_? What- _what does that mean?!_ ”

Suga poked an arm out of the window above Daichi.

“Come see!”

Daichi looked at the others, who stood fearfully. They were silent as he took Suga’s hand and pulled himself into the window. What he _saw_ was… underwhelming.

“It looks exactly like it did before?”

“You didn’t see what it was like, before. Didn’t you hear the squelching?”

“I’m just gonna stop you there and think less about whatever happened here and what terrifying methods you used to soak it all up without any mops or anything and just focus on maybe whatever Tanaka’s got and how to _treat_ him.”

“Nah, he’s fine.”

“Huh?!”

“Just a stomach bug. Give him an hour or two, and he’ll be good as new.”

_What?_

“What?”

“Yeah, don’t stress it. You get that practice planned out, yet? Ooh, please tell me we’re just gonna be doing a bunch of running! I’ll pass out after five minutes of light jogging from the altitude and then be free for the _rest of the day_.”

“I… I don’t even know where to begin. Suga, did you like, fucking slurp up Tanaka’s weird _barf_?”

“Wasn’t from his mouth.”

“Suga, I’m quaking. I’m literally _so terrified_. What has he been eating? What did he _eat?_ ”

Suga pulled Daichi into a soft hug as he spoke.

“I have absolutely no idea. It’s okay, though. All evidence of it is banished from our room, now.”

Asahi piped in at that.

“Hey, what about the main room?”

“That’s between you and the gods.”

Suga released himself from the hug to shut the window on Asahi, and he promptly locked it before turning back towards Daichi.

“So… cardio?”

By the time the boys had made it to practice, they’d already spoken to Ukai about finding a cleaning lady, who snagged a pack of breakfast food from Ukai's bag before heading towards the cabin. They’d also managed to grab a volleyball from the front desk; shockingly, _nobody_ had a volleyball on hand to use for practice. Out on one of the resort’s open fields, Daichi lined out court dimensions for everybody to stand in, and they proceeded to run a series of practice matches without a net. Kiyoko and Ukai were refs.

The time managed to pass by quickly, and Daichi felt himself caught up in the good mood of being active again. The altitude had hit him hard, but he was too excited to slow down. _Every_ receive, _every_ set and _every_ serve was careful and contained. Despite the burning ache in his lungs, he felt unstoppable. He was _unstoppable._

Then, he tried to get everybody to run a cooldown mile, and he felt his mortality, again. Just a minute into the jog and Daichi was huffing. He struggled to keep up, but even Asahi moved forward. His energy gone, and his team ahead of him, Daichi felt his pace slowing further. _So much for that._

A hand slapped him on the back. _Hard._ Daichi immediately picked his pace back up, his pain being pushed back down. He stared at his feet through every step. A familiar voice tersely guided him.

“Look at the horizon, not the ground. You’ll run better that way.”

Daichi finally looked up, before looking to his side. The setter had stayed behind.

“Suga, you’re usually so good with- hooh- running. Why aren’t you up ahead with the fast people?”

“For starters, I’m not gonna leave you to get eaten by some mountain lion or pass out before I thanked you for earlier. Besides, as the experienced runner, I can tell you that I’m going as fast as _any of us_ should be going right now. We’ll catch up.”

_Suga’s voice is a lot less breathy than mine. Even when he’s running on a mountain he still sounds hot…_

“What are you thanking me for, this time?”

“You got me out of that funk. _Again_.”

“You don’t need to be thanking me. Besides, I think the team did most of that for me. They’re learning.”

Suga chopped Daichi in the side.

“Don’t get all mushy on me before any of the big games. We’re not dying.”

Daichi merely winced and tried to continue running in time with the setter, despite the ache in his lungs and his side.

“Yes, Suga…”

“Hey, look, I told you we’d catch up!”

Daichi redirected his eyes back onto the horizon, spotting the team dead in their tracks. Asahi looked to be on the ground, while Hinata and Kageyama were close to following his lead. As Daichi and Suga made their way through the group without stopping, Daichi felt his smile reform, and he called out, with confidence again.

“C’mon guys, we’re almost there! Don’t let Suga and I beat all of you at this pace!”

Begrudgingly, Hinata and Kageyama rose, the first to follow. Next was Ennoshita, followed by Yamaguchi. The rest of the team followed suit.

The second Daichi and Suga stopped running, the rest of the team collapsed in their tracks. Daichi’s chest was beckoning for him to do the same, but he steadied himself. Facing the limp bodies, he and Suga silently brainstormed different ways to peel them off the pavement. Nishinoya interrupted their thoughts.

“Please tell me we’re done.”

“Even if we weren’t, you guys clearly are.”

“ _Hurrah_ …”

Daichi lightly clapped his hands, like usual, taking slightly longer to speak in order to catch his breath.

“Alright, that’s practice everyone. We’ll wash up and eat earlier tonight. It’s been getting colder at night, so we’ll be having a campfire to finish out the trip.”

Nishinoya’s face rose from the ground as Ukai stepped over. Daichi faced him with a pleasant smile.

“Oh, coach, are you joining us for the campfire?”

“Not this time, uh, we- Takeda and I have some _stuff_ to pack still before we leave.”

“Okay, I guess we’ll see you on the bus, then?”

“Correct. Driver wants to leave at 11, so don’t be late.”

“Of course, thank you very much.”

Ukai drifted off towards Takeda, Yachi and Kiyoko in the distance. Daichi watched him speed up as he left the company of the team, before turning to face the collapsed boys again as Nishinoya spoke.

“Can we set anything else on fire?”

“What are you even trying to burn, Noya?”

“Meat…”

Several more heads rose from the ground, peering up at Daichi and Suga like they had just dug the ball and needed to watch its path in the air. Daichi hesitated, and Suga cut in, speaking without even being out of breath.

“If you can acquire meat to cook, and you have a means of bringing it to the campsite safely to eat, then you can bring it. If you _do_ bring anything, though, you need to make sure you take care of it _before_ we leave. But either way, Noya, don’t some of you have to actually make the fire in the first place? You know, for making off with the boat yesterday?”

Noya’s excitement died, and his features seemed to sag at Suga’s reminder. So did Asahi and Kinnoshita. Daichi wasn’t even part of the problem and even _he_ felt affected by Suga’s words.

_He’s definitely not human._

By the time the sun began to set, the team was beginning to show its excitement for the campfire more visibly. They’d showered, and recovered from the abuse they suffered at practice. Now, as the line of teenagers picked up Kiyoko and Yachi from their cabin and began to march onwards, the mood was becoming livelier.

Even without Nishinoya, Tanaka, Asahi and the others, Daichi felt the excitement coursing through his veins. He’d never really thrown together a campfire, before. Sure, that wouldn’t change after tonight with the others putting it all together, but the prospect of what was to come was hard to sit still over.

Even as Daichi continued to walk forward and chat with the group, he felt a slight spring in his step. Any exhaustion from earlier was wiped away by the growing thrill of what was to come. It was impossible to ignore. The others seemed to show their impatience, too. Even Tsukishima was more _talkative_ than usual, bantering more actively with Hinata and engaging with the team’s buzz. Daichi could tell the rest of the team wasn’t nearly as excited as he was, though. In fact, he hadn’t felt as jumpy since his first volleyball game.

Of course, there was a _reason_ for that. Daichi sucked in a quick breath of cold air, before turning back towards the rest of the group behind him. Sugawara was bundled up in a long sleeved crew neck, jumper and a scarf. He looked as cozy as ever, but Daichi felt himself more drawn to the setter’s face. It looked… _content_. Suga looked content.

_He looks like he’s ready for me to tell him._

_Tonight’s the night._

_What if we…_

Those great brown eyes stared right back at Daichi. There was something so… _entrancing_ about them. Daichi felt locked to the ground as Suga and the rest of the group slowly drew closer. But it wasn’t a group anymore. It was _just Suga_ , coming towards Daichi. The world faded away, the ground falling into oblivion behind every one of Suga’s footsteps. The setter was getting _so close_. He opened his mouth to speak just as Hinata ducked into view, breaking the spell.

“Hey, captain, do you know where we’re going, still?”

“Huh? Yeah, we’re almost there. See that glow?”

“Oh, cool!”

Daichi plastered a fake smile onto his face as he began to walk forward again. The others overtook him, and Daichi felt himself falling into Suga’s steps for a second time that day. It felt normal. It felt _right._

_This is nice…_

“You alright, Dai?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Suga lowered his voice as he spoke. The others were starting to pull away from them, little by little. Suga took the privacy to place a hand onto Daichi’s shoulder as he spoke. His hand felt warm through Daichi’s jumper.

“I know I’ve been kind of needy this whole trip, but I want to make up for that, and I want you to know that I’m not the _only_ person allowed to have problems. If something’s bothering you, Dai, come to me. Okay?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Dai?”

Daichi felt his body betray him. His cheeks were blushing way too hard for a simple sign of support. _Respond, idiot._

“Uh, yeah! I’m okay, uh, I guess I’ve been kinda focused on how this is one of the last times we’re together outside of games and-“

Daichi realized his mistake before the rest of the words left his mouth. A sharp, pointed jab to his ribs left Daichi clutching his side limply. Sugawara’s eyes held no pity in them.

“Don’t say it.”

“Ugh, why are your punches worse than getting hit in the face by a spike?”

“Because my fists are laced with judgement and lavender, next question.”

“Alright, well… how are you doing?”

“Like, emotionally or physically?”

Daichi was silent as he side-eyed his best friend. _Maybe more._ Suga caved and responded.

“Fine, fine… honestly, I’m feeling better today than I have in a long time. I made some progress earlier on _you-know-what_ and making better decisions. I think I might be able to actually… _stop_ , for good, some day.”

“Suga, th- that’s wonderful! I’m so proud of you. What made the breakthrough?”

This time Suga was quiet, and he looked away. Daichi couldn’t see his face well in the dimming blue light of twilight hour, and by the time Suga looked back to speak at Daichi, the gentle smile on his face was all that showed in the dark.

“Uh, well-”

“Hey captains, you comin?”

Daichi and Suga’s head whipped away from each other towards Kiyoko, who stood with a hand around Yachi’s shoulder, seemingly bored. But as Daichi’s gaze focused on her features in the dying light, he could barely make out a tiny smirk on her face. _Good…_

“Uh, yeah, one second.”

The two captains trotted forward to the rest of the group, separating as they merged back into the group to hike towards the campfire. Daichi took in the sight of the blazing logs with awe, tuning out the banter that sprouted between Suga, Tsukishima and Hinata.

Instead, he stepped over a large, toppled log, and placed his hands forward, feeling the chill of the night air fade away before the roaring fire. Nishinoya boldly professed his fire making skills to the group, who began to seat themselves on the logs, but Daichi merely stood for long seconds to take it in.

It was satisfying. The radiating heat warmed Daichi greatly as he stood, mesmerized by the flickering light. He barely registered the sounds of the team settling in together, just absorbing as much of the light as possible.

Their final night together out here. It had come and gone so quickly. They’d be on a bus home in less than three hours. But as Daichi stared at the golden light, he couldn’t help but relax.

_It’s a perfect conclusion._

_Almost._

“Yo, Daichi, would you sit down, already? You’re making Asahi nervous.”

“Huh?”

The captain turned back, looking over the log full of teammates. Nishinoya sat comfortably next to the ace, who sat next to Suga. But Suga was busy with company. Kiyoko was sat next to him, marking the end of the log as she chatted casually with the setter. Some feet away from her, the first years sat on a set of two logs, the only empty ones remaining after the rest of the team had swarmed the site during Daichi’s hypnosis. _So much for sitting with him._

Instead, Daichi made his way over towards the first years for the last seat. Yachi looked tense as he approached, but he put on a gentle smile, and she visibly relaxed before he took the last seat next to her.

The fire burned even brighter as Kinnoshita threw in more kindling and an extra log. The heat was a welcome addition to everyone, but Daichi couldn’t help feel… isolated. The first years talked amongst themselves, and Daichi stayed quiet, simply taking in the warmth of the fire with a practiced smile to look at ease.

The second years across from him were cut off by the growing flames, and Daichi snuck a glance behind himself. Hinata and Kageyama continued to bicker, while Tsukishima sat next to them, occasionally making comments. Next to him was Yamaguchi, who spoke comfortably with Yachi, who was practically turned entirely away from Daichi. To his right, the woods rustled in the wind, an inky nothing. _It was inviting._

“Noya, I’m gonna kill you one of these days!”

Daichi turned back to his left, his vision locking onto Nishinoya, who coyly fluttered his eyelashes at Asahi. The others on the bench were laughing, and Daichi strengthened his wistful smile, before reclining on his seat to look back into the fire.

He totally wasn’t stewing. _Totally_. He was fine here on his log, where he had space to himself. _Totally not feeling ignored, right now_. Daichi wasn’t one for throwing a pity party, but even then…

“No way!”

“I know, right!”

Daichi’s head stayed locked forward, but his eyes desperately tried to pick up the sights and sounds that it could from his perch. The conversations were so fluid around him, and there was so much he wanted to hear from the other third years. There was so much more he wanted to hear from Suga.

_Get a grip._

Daichi checked the time. Then he checked the fire. He tapped his foot slowly against the grass. He picked at the fuzz in his jacket’s pocket. Then, laughter brought his attention back to the others on the far bench.

“What?”

Nobody batted an eye at his words. Daichi knew he was too far to be heard at that volume, anyways, but he still sunk further into his seat. Daichi checked the time.

Yachi’s conversation with Yamaguchi wasn’t even interesting enough for Daichi to eavesdrop on. They were just talking about a class they had. _Can’t exactly insert myself into a conversation, there._ The rest of the group was getting more riled up, as Kiyoko began to joke around with Suga about something. Daichi loved the first years, but right now, he couldn’t talk to them or distract himself in their company. They were just blocking him from listening to _Suga_ interact with others.

_Get a grip._

_You’re pathetic._

_Let him be._

_He’s fine._

Daichi took a deep breath in, before a name had him quickly exhale a fraction of what he’d taken in. He felt slightly dizzy as he listened.

“Yo, Daichi, can we do something to finish the last night of the trip?”

“Like what?”

“Huh?”

“Like what?!”

“Oh, well, ”Tanaka and I were thinking because we’ve been so good…”

Daichi rolled his eyes.

“… we should play Truth or Dare!”

“Ugh, we were avoiding major destruction of property so well this time…”

“Pleeeease?”

Daichi raised his eyebrows listening to Nishinoya pout, before his eyes drifted around. The second years were uncharacteristically quiet listening in. Yachi and Yamaguchi had quieted down with excited expressions to match. As Daichi finished his sweep, he landed on Suga, who gave an encouraging look, complete with a quirked brow and a toothy grin.

_He’s beautiful._

Daichi snapped out of his trance, returning his gaze to Nishinoya with a smile. All eyes were on him for a decision, and maybe that was enough. He sighed, satisfied for the time being.

“Alright, we can play a couple rounds.”

“Huh?”

“I said a round or two!”

“What?”

“YES.”

Nishinoya wilted at Daichi’s tone, before recognizing the meaning of his answer and jumping for joy. The others seemed to settle in a bit, mentally preparing for the game. Even the fire seemed to be taking part, dimming in size and brightness. With the atmosphere more open to him facing everyone, Daichi finally took in his surroundings in full.

The second years across from him had grabbed some snacks and were passing them around. The second bench- full of all the third years and Nishinoya- looked less crowded, now. Daichi scanned the lineup, realizing Nishinoya was draped across Asahi. The ace appeared unbothered, or even slightly _amused_. More noticeable, Daichi realized there had been space for him to sit closer to Suga than he’d realized. He felt himself slump again, if only slightly, before perking up as Nishinoya lazily began the game.

For a moment, Daichi thought he saw something in Nishinoya’s eye. Something _subtle_ , a hint of a different emotion at best. It was like a twinkling of awareness. He seemed… _alert._

And then it was gone, and he was fluttering his eyes and chatting nonconfrontationally as he spoke to Asahi. Daichi’s gaze reverted to the fire as he listened in, the conversation more audible now than it had been. Asahi’s response to the game was inaudible, but as Nishinoya spoke, his voice grew louder.

“What was your weirdest childhood memory?”

Asahi looked away for a moment, apparently lost in thought. He took in an audible breath, and his shoulders rose in tension while he closed his eyes. The air grew quiet as he exhaled. Long seconds passed. At last, he spoke very seriously.

“I had to dress as a horse for a school play and ate an apple off the floor in the costume in the back room unprompted.”

The team was quiet for a moment, taking in Asahi’s _very serious_ words. His left eye cracked open, peering around. Then, like fireworks, everybody laughed all at once. Nishinoya clapped him on the back.

“Asahi, I think I could die happily just off that mental image alone.”

“I was a kid, okay?!”

“How old were you at the time?”

Asahi was very quiet for a long moment.

“Thirteen…”

The team exploded into another round of raucous laughter.

“Alright, alright, Tsukishima, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What’s, uh, what’s your strangest obsession?”

“The scene in Jurassic Park where the lawyer gets eaten by the T-Rex off the toilet.”

Yamaguchi leaned towards Yachi to whisper quietly to her and Daichi.

“Yet another shocking glimpse into his world.”

“I heard that.”

“Sorry, Tsuki!”

“Kageyama. Truth or dare?”

“Hmph, dare.”

“Alright, I dare you to tell a joke.”

“Kageyama doesn’t know what those are.”

“Shut up, Hinata!”

The team chuckled quietly, as the lead setter paused to think a bit. He _lurched_ forward suddenly, and the rest of the team seemed to lean forward in anticipation. He addressed everybody but directed his eyes towards Tanaka.

“What do you call a bear with no teeth?”

“I have no idea.”

“A _gummy_ bear.”

Daichi gripped his own knee until his fist went white but was surprised to hear Tanaka actually laughing at the joke. The others joined in, mostly laughing _at_ Tanaka, but laughing, nonetheless. Daichi relaxed a little, recoiling from the absolute garbage that was the first year’s humor. Kageyama turned to Hinata proudly.

“Truth or dare?”

“Why did you say that like you did something cool?”

“Dumbass! Just answer the question!”

“Fine! Then I pick dare.”

“Hmph… I dare you… to… jump over the fire.”

Daichi perked up at that.

“Wha- hey,” was all Daichi could utter at the comment before Hinata had already cleared the fire, landing in front of the second years on the other side. He turned around with a proud expression before seeing Daichi’s angry expression emerge from the flames for potentially hurting himself. Hinata _visibly_ shuttered.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

Daichi glared with more intensity, the flames burning in front of him fueling the authority he held over the first year.

“Sorry, captain! Won’t… _do_ that again… but….Tanaka I dare you to _distract_ Daichi!”

“What? That’s not even how the game works!”

Hinata had already leapt behind the row of second years, and Tanaka was shoved to a standing position. In his _infinite_ wisdom, he began to dance fervently, and Daichi broke his gaze.

“Is that Gangnam Style?”

Daichi took psychic damage from the sight, and he relaxed into his seat, his scary mode deactivated. Tanaka finished dancing, to the scattered applause and singular cheer from Suga. Tanaka turned in his direction, looking to Nishinoya.

For a moment, Daichi thought he saw it again; that same _twinkling_ was in Tanaka’s eyes. He looked more serious, even more driven than he’d looked in games. This time, Daichi was sure he saw it before Tanaka looked past Nishinoya, centering his gaze _on Suga._

“Ok, truth or dare?”

Suga appeared unbothered by the look Tanaka gave him. The quiet trepidation that seemed to linger in the air indicated that he may have been the _only_ one to do so. Daichi could’ve sworn he felt Tanaka’s heartbeat through the ground, pumping adrenaline through the earth. The second year held his unnerving gaze- usually reserved for opponents on the court- as Suga responded.

“Dare.”

Silently, Tanaka stepped forward. He walked around the campfire, around the back of the log carrying the third years and Nishinoya and stopped behind the setter. He quietly bent down, stretching one leg back to rest on his knee. He held up a hand, and the setter leaned in to listen to Tanaka’s whispers. His eyes lit up, and he spoke aloud, _cutting_ the silence in the air sharply.

“Are you kidding?”

Tanaka shook his head, an unreadable expression resting on his face. He sucked in his lips, and Suga gawked at him for a moment. He turned towards Nishinoya down the line, then over to Kiyoko on his other side. At last, he stood with an exaggerated level of exhaustion.

Suga stepped around the campfire, the air quiet as he rounded the campfire. Daichi looked up as the setter neared him. He came to a stop in front of him, extending a hand.

“Come on, then. You’re coming, too.”

“Oh?”

Suga hauled Daichi up with a single hand, resting a hand on the captain’s shoulder. He pushed Daichi towards the stone trail into the woods, before turning back towards the group.

“Well, this’ll take a bit, so _I_ dare Tanaka to keep his shirt on for the rest of the game.”

“Hey, it wasn’t even off, yet, and I went last round.”

The team chuckled again, as Suga hummed quietly. He turned towards Daichi’s seat, before his eyes traveled forward. With a pleasant smile, he addressed the manager-in-training.

“Yachi, truth or dare?”

“Oh! Um, Truth, I guess.”

“Tell everybody about your dream vacation!”

Yachi’s eyes lit up at the question, and she refaced the team. Suga patted Daichi’s shoulder twice, before they both headed down the path of the trail, leaving the firelight behind. The last thing they could hear before they went too far out of earshot was Yachi’s declaration to visit Brazil while the others listened with fascination.

Daichi was conflicted. He had seen Suga’s somewhat serious expression as he approached at the campfire but couldn’t gauge where the older boy was in thought. As they travelled through the dark in silence, Suga acted as their only guide to whatever strange path they were taking. _Together, apparently._

The woods seemed to blend and blur into obscurity before Daichi’s limited vision. The shapes grew sharp and smooth all at once, and the dark silhouettes of leaves blotted out the moonlight. It was calming and disorienting all at once.

He felt the ground twisting and turning under his feet, the quiet between the two boys growing and rising. The wind began to howl, and his feet began to stumble. The road was twisting, long and endless. Time passed differently.

_Oh, right._

Daichi checked the time.

_You’re not out here for much longer._

_Only a few more hours._

_And even then…_

“Don’t.”

“Huh?”

“I can tell, remember?”

“Oh… right.”

“Everything okay, Dai?”

“I’m alright. I guess I can’t help but think about the time we have left.”

“Here or… here-here?”

“Here-here.”

Suga let out a breath, visibly lit as they passed into an exposed section among the thick trees. Daichi drank up the sight, memorializing the pale boy with moonlit hair. He was _smiling_ as he spoke.

“We can’t tell how much time we ever have. Not in one place, one relationship… or one lifetime. Nothing is ever really certain, so there’s nothing to do but enjoy what we’ve got and make the most of it. It’s the only way to really live.”

“Suga…”

“I know there’s not much time left as third years. But who knows? Maybe there’s some longevity in our bones. I mean, hey, I could know you past your hundredth birthday, even!”

Daichi chuckled.

“And for what it’s worth, Dai… I think you can make the most of this last season by _living in it_ , not dwelling on whatever time is _left_.”

“Thanks, Suga. I think I will.”

“I know you will. And hey, we’re _here_.”

Daichi looked up for the first time in a while, and let out an audible sigh of awe. They had been walking for some time, and he hadn’t looked past his feet in some time. Now, though, he could only stop to stare.

Bright light streamed onto the grass before them with such intensity Daichi was certain the very ground was glowing. A small creek ran through it ahead of them, just ahead of the trees ahead. Stones continued the path across, leading further into the darkness. Bright moonflowers bloomed intensely, while the creek reflected its light in streaky, moving patterns across the plants and barks of the trees.

_It seemed familiar._

Further still, the great, tall Sugi grew in intensity, leaves _shimmering_ in the moonlight. The entire sight was ethereal. _Otherworldly_ , even. The entire area was beautiful and hypnotic. The space felt… alive, and every leaf on every branch on every tree seemed to be swaying in a dance with the wind.

Suga stepped forward, beckoning for Daichi to follow as he strode towards the thick trees. The captain regained his focus, and his eyes drifted down from the trees far above. Slowly, they lowered, all the way down the lengths of the trees ahead. His gaze finally reached the bottom, where the creek’s light reflected strongest, as well as where Suga stepped towards the _Torii Gate_ ahead.

_Oh._

Suga reached a bench on the opposite side of where Daichi had sat the last time he visited the area and increased his pace to catch up. The creek’s light bounced all over, casting a soft, light blue projection across the benches, the gate, and even Suga himself. Here in the low-light meadow, Daichi had never found Suga more otherworldly, himself.

_He’s beautiful._

“So, I found this place on the first day of the trip. I got up really early to walk around, before you even gave that speech encouraging everybody to go run wild, but... I think this is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. Of course, Noya was up when I got back, so I tipped him off on how to find it so he wouldn’t be so annoying later on.”

“Uh, yeah, he actually showed me this place later that day.”

“Snitch.”

”Heh, well, I thought it was something intense during the day, but at night? This is one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, it is…”

Daichi turned to face Suga, relaxing into the bench next to him. The setter faced him with a rue smile, a subtle blue light with clear streaks flickering across his face. He looked away from the captain, resting his gaze on the flowers ahead of him. Daichi caught him locking and unlocking his fingers anxiously. For long seconds, he just watched, taking in the behavior, before opening his mouth. Suga beat him to the punch.

“I really _do_ need to thank you, properly.”

“There’s no need-”

“And I get that-”

“You deserve help-”

“But I really need to -”

“Whenever you search for it-”

“-Be clear about a few things!”

Daichi shut up, and Suga exhaled, before continuing.

“I’ve been going through a lot, lately. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s happened. It’s happening. It’ll _still_ be happening when we go home. But… part of me is okay with that. I know I’m gonna take that back in like a minute, but… I’d like to think I’m finally starting to _help myself_.”

“That’s wonderful, Suga.”

“I know I might not be perfect-”

“That’s an understatement.”

Suga swatted Daichi playfully.

“But, I think you’ve helped me in becoming the best person I could be. And so, for the millionth time… Daichi, thank you for helping me through this. All of it. I’m glad you’re with me, here.”

“Oh, Suga… I’m just glad you’re getting better. I’m glad I could help you in _any way_ at all.”

Daichi wrapped an arm around Suga, pulling him close into a deep, quiet hug. Suga slowly wrapped his arms around the back of Daichi, squeezing back tenderly. He craned his head towards Daichi’s ear and spoke in a whisper.

“More than you know.”

For long minutes, they just held each other. Daichi relaxed, resting his head against Suga’s shoulder. The setter did the same, closing his eyes to the moon.

The creek’s light bounced off the tree canopy, surface light barely illuminating the scene. Deep, purple clouds moved in front of the moon, purging the area of light. The wind died down, and the trees ceased movement.

It was like the entire forest was receding, resting with both boys, who lingered in each other’s grasp far longer than needed. Seconds turned to minutes, and time seemed to bend out of their minds. It was just them, and for once, it was quiet. It was _right._

The bench they remained seated on creaked just a little, and Suga opened one eye. Slowly, he let his arms droop from Daichi’s neck (their previous resting place) and drew away, slowly. Daichi did the same, letting the maddeningly loud quiet air fill his mind. Instead, a question he’d meant to ask flitted through his mind. Still partially locked together from the hug, Daichi had yet to completely unravel his limbs from Suga’s. But as he gazed into Suga’s eyes from just too close of a distance to be casual, his mind began to wander.

_Is this where I tell him?_

He’d been waiting for so long. He’d been wanting for so long. Here was his best friend (his crush) just inches from his own face. Suga’s lips were just _inches_ from his!

_You swore to tell him before you left._

_Now’s the time._

_Just do it._

_But what if it ruins our friendship?_

_What if it makes him hate me?_

Daichi’s view of Suga (now extremely limited by the shrouded moon) seemed to slow down. The other boy was moving in slow motion, just barely sliding away from Daichi.

_What if it makes him regress?_

Daichi had to push his fears away for the time being. The question he’d been meaning to ask reentered his mind, instead, and it began to gnaw at him- quietly, at first. Then, it grew, and in the silence of the black night, it began to pull at his mind. He’d been meaning to ask. But he just _hadn’t_. Suga was fading out of his vision, hands mere centimeters from disconnecting. _Do it._

“Hey, Suga?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask… what was your dare?”

“Oh!”

Suga huffed a barely there chuckle, his tone unreadable. Daichi’s mind began to run again.

_Now you’ve done it._

_He was probably told something to do something awful._

_And now you’ve made him uncomfortable, again._

_And you’re a terrible person._

And then Suga pecked Daichi’s cheek with his lips.

_And you’re never going to-_

_Wait._

_What?_

The moon reemerged. The wind picked up, again. The creek reflected light back onto Suga’s features, bathing him in a pale blue, moving light. The trees began to dance again, and Daichi’s heart began to beat too loud to ignore. Suga’s face was completely unreadable as his hands completely left Daichi’s embrace.

“To do that.”

“What?”

Daichi’s voice was meek, and higher pitched than he expected. He felt… _small_. Especially under Suga’s gaze.

“I was dared… to do that.”

“Oh… dare.”

Suga’s eyes widened by just a hair.

“Dai… did you-”

Daichi’s phone shook them both out of their seats, as a blaring alarm went off at full volume. Suga stood up fully, taking a step away from Daichi.

“Jeez, that scared me.”

“Uh, sorry. Shit, that’s the alarm for ten minutes to the bus.”

“Does the team know that?”

“I think Ennoshita set an alarm, too, so they should be fine to just head straight there after they put out the fire. But… shit. We’re like two miles away from everything, and it’s supposed to leave in ten minutes.”

“Mmmm….”

“Yeah.”

“Time to start running?”

“… Yup.”

“High likelihood of a twisted ankle in the dark?”

“Most likely.”

“Bring it on.”

The two boys took off, heading back the way they came. They scaled the creek, and tore through the meadow. Suga led them both by a few steps. For just a split second, Daichi looked back mid stride.

The benches, the _Torii Gate_ and the tall trees seemed to be calling out to him. The creek’s reflection doused it all in its glow, streaky and brilliant. It was truly beautiful. _And haunting._

And then he was turned back around, and stumbling down the stone path as quickly as his legs would take him. The trees ahead of him were dim and grey, save for a small orange glow in the distance. He was just starting to identify its color when it was extinguished, and his view reverted to one of colorless, passing leaves.

The wind howled his name as he brushed past a vine. Suga was moving quickly. Daichi’s legs began to burn, crying for relief where they would be none. The trail was winding and unforgiving. He just had to keep moving. Suga didn’t look back at him as he huffed and heaved.

Daichi’s ankle popped audibly, and he cursed as he continued to dash along the trail. He checked the time again. _Six minutes_. They were running out of time. He pushed a little further, nearing the gap between him and Suga. The trail was starting to end.

_Keep going._

Suga barreled into the stationary line onto the bus, nearly toppling Asahi in the process. The coaches were gone and the line of boys was stationary. From where he stood, Suga could barely make out Yachi and Kiyoko through the window of the bus. They were leaning forward, looking at something. Asahi cut into his observation.

“Oh, there you guys are. I don’t think Ukai or Takeda even noticed.”

Suga heaved for long seconds, before composing himself. He took big gasps of air in between words. Asahi merely smiled.

“What’s… the… holdup?”

“Well, we were getting on to go, but then _Tanaka_ got sick again, and he’s been lying on the floor in anguish for the past five minutes. Oh, and then Takeda ran off to grab a painkiller from the front desk.”

“That’s… nice… of… him…”

“They’re not for Tanaka.”

“Oh.”

Daichi pattered into view, sweaty, but in time for the bus. From Suga’s perspective, he looked ready to pass out. But there was something else in his eye. Something… _missing_. Lifetimes seemed to pass by before Daichi finally caught his breath, and he spoke in a more stoic tone than usual.

“What’s… the holdup?”

“Tanaka got sick-”

Tanaka popped out of the bus suddenly, toppling the first years who’d been waiting in line; they crashed like dominos as the second year proudly faced Suga and Asahi, while Daichi leaned forward.

“Hey, we ready to go?”

“You’re plucky for somebody who’s supposed to be sick.”

“Oh! Uh, I think it just passed me by. I guess it’s no biggie, now. I’m getting on, see you in the morning!”

“Hey-”

Tanaka whipped around like a bullet, aiming for Hinata and Tsukishima- who’d just righted themselves and bobbed in place, their eyes drooping. The second year rammed through, sending them flying like exhausted, _floppy_ bowling pins, before he boarded the bus, disappearing into one of the far seats.

The line began to move shortly after the first years recuperated a second time, lazily dragging their bodies up the short steps. Asahi joined the second years as they hopped on, ducking to fit through the door just as Takeda arrived.

His glasses were crooked, and his usual cheery smile had drooped into a relaxed smirk. His shirt had one too many buttons loose on his shirt while Ukai followed behind, a pleased expression on his face. Neither held any visible painkillers as they approached Suga and Daichi, who were just heading towards the steps. Suga eyed Takeda warily.

“Did you find any painkillers?”

“What painkillers?”

“You know… Tanaka?”

“Oh, of course! See, we went to look, but we couldn’t find any.”

“Right.”

“How is he now?”

Suga followed Daichi up the steps of the bus, glancing towards the back row. The second year had already passed out, and leaned against Nishinoya, who waved sleepily towards Suga. The setter discretely flipped him the bird with a coy smile, just catching Nishinoya’s feigned shock before turning back towards Takeda, who remained none the wiser.

“He’s fine, now. I think we can go, whenever.”

“That’s a relief. I ran out of cigarettes last night.”

“Hush, Ukai… Thank you for watching out for them, Suga. You and Daichi are always on top of things.”

“Of course! We’re co-captains for a reason. Anyways, I’m going to just find my seat…”

“Mmm.”

Takeda had already directed his focus away from Suga, withdrawing into a seat with Ukai. The bus doors shut with a quiet force, and Suga hurried over towards Daichi. The seat wasn’t far, but Suga found himself slow to a stop when he faced the other boy.

Daichi was _crying._

He had been, at least. His eyes were red, and his cheeks were lined with a reflective sheen just as the bus lights shut off. Suga approached the seat, waiting for Daichi to move over. For a moment, Suga thought he wouldn’t. Long seconds passed, until finally, Daichi scooted over, making room for Suga, who sunk into the bus seat gently.

Even in the darkness, Suga could tell he was looking forward at the nothingness that the seat ahead of them provided. Is that what I’m like? He slowly leaned towards Daichi to speak in a whisper, but the other boy cut him off.

“Hey, are-”

“Let’s not talk, right now. Please.”

_Oh._

Suga’s hand hovered in place, before he returned it to his lap.

“Okay, I’m here for you.”

Daichi hummed a quiet response, before pulling out his headphones. Suga did the same, and tried to give Daichi as much space as he could on the seat, but their knees kept bumping against each other as the bus jostled them around. Daichi stayed silent, ignoring every moment of forced physical contact. Suga just desperately scooted as close to the aisle as he could get without falling off, not ignoring Daichi’s dejected _sigh_ in the slightest.

With his right hand bracing himself against the bus seat, Suga craned his neck, taking in the faint silhouette Daichi gave off in front of the window. His head was down, and he continued to face forward. He looked slumped. Tired. Daichi’s phone lit up with a notification, illuminating the captain’s face.

His features were contorted and strained; his cheery smile was replaced by a wistful _grimace._ The boy opened his eyes in response to the notification, and Suga quietly rejoiced in seeing the dried streams of tears had mostly vanished. Then, Daichi’s eyes darted to the side, focusing on Suga. They darted back towards the phone, followed by the window, and Suga felt his heart sink at the new territory Daichi's behavior was undergoing. _That’s new._

And then, the phone switched off, and the light left Daichi’s eyes. His face dipped back to a nearly featureless silhouette. The mental image of Daichi’s pained expression didn’t, though, and the image of Daichi acting evasive around Suga of all people lingered. 

_This is… awkward._

Suga had never known a moment of uncomfortable silence between Daichi and himself. They’d always just gotten along. Unshakable. As much as he adored Asahi, Suga couldn’t deny the relationship he had with Daichi was that much closer and personal.

_Which makes all of this that much weirder._

_Can I help him?_

_Did I make a mistake?_

Suga couldn’t mask his discomfort as his legs smacked into Daichi with a little more force than usual. The driver had made an even _sharper_ turn than usual in driving down the mountain trail. If he didn’t know better, Suga would have joked about how the driver was trying to throw them off the side of the trail. He bit his tongue, though, as Daichi heaved another quiet sigh.

_Beats this, though._

Suga’s audible shudder as his knee directly knocked into Daichi’s, yet again. This time, Daichi reacted. He ripped out a headphone just as his phone lit up again, casting deep shadows across his face like a storyteller using a flashlight under their chin. Daichi’s fierce expression didn’t seem to be in the mood, however. Suga prepared to up and leave for a seat on the other side of the bus. He was surprised when Daichi offered his spare headphone towards Suga and began to whisper gruffly.

“Here, let me show you some of my music.”

Suga eyed Daichi with trepidation. _Is he serious? Is he sure?_ Daichi rolled his eyes, a hint of a smile forming just as the light went off again.

“Come on.”

“Okay.”

Suga hauled himself back into the seat, and grabbed the headphone from Daichi. As he placed it into his ear, he heard a familiar song. Even in the darkness, Suga felt himself turning towards Daichi to speak.

“The Jan and Dean version of Pocket Full of Rainbows?”

“M-hmm. That okay with you?”

“Of course!”

“Mm, good.”

They let the song play out, and Suga felt the awkwardness start to dissipate a little. If nothing else, they were sharing their awkward bubble. A new song by an unfamiliar artist began to play, and Suga began to zone out. For long minutes, he simply enjoyed Daichi’s company. He hoped Daichi was doing the same.

“Hey, Dai?”

“Yeah?”

“Would- would you like to come to my house sometime?”

“Suga-”

“-You don’t have to feel pressured or anything. Just… if you’d like to.”

Daichi audibly sighed, again. But for once, Suga thought it sounded different. It was _content._ There was still so much to discuss with him; so much to figure out in such a short time. _So much to apologize for._ But that happy sigh was assurance, and Suga found himself relaxing against Daichi’s shoulder as the captain responded quietly.

“I’d like that.”

They fell asleep with their legs intertwined.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She would be hooked up to a nearly infinite number of wires and chords, like always. Suga had wandered through the empty hallways many times, but few things about the hospital changed, and that include his mother's room. She remained confined to the bed she’d been situated in a month ago. The baby she’d given birth to lay in a stroller to her right side, on the far end of the room. The large machine to her left chirped and beeped more than usual as Mr. Sugawara stepped up to his wife. Suga hoped it was a good sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Death, attempted self-harm, manipulative family, abuse

The ride to the hospital brought a quiet, looming dread with it. Every road that Sugawara’s father whizzed over in the late afternoon brought the boy deeper into his own head. Mr. Sugawara wasn’t a talkative person by nature, but at fourteen, Suga knew something was different about their latest drive to the only hospital in Miyagi when his father remained silent.

Suga resisted the urge to ask, even though he was burning with questions. Instead, he merely reclined into the passenger seat, and stared off at the road beyond. The winter sun was beautiful, casting a warm light through the clouds. But it wasn’t golden. It was more of a dreary yellow, and its light felt tame, like it had faded into the depths of the horizon long ago.

Every rooftop, road and distant ridge lay blanketed by the sluggish dreary mustard hue that permeated through even the most secluded side street. It was all… _fading_. Even the clouds seemed to dip and sag, their forms sinking and bobbing just out of reach. Suga began to daydream about floating up to those fluffy clouds and burying himself in one when his father interrupted him. He wasn’t speaking _to_ Suga, but his words echoed all the same.

“Your mother is going to be fine. And so are you.”

_Guess it’s not a good trip after all._

Suga shuffled in his seat, trying to sink further into the aged leather of the family car as the yellow light burned through the windshield. His father fumbled with a sun visor, struggling for long seconds before finally positioning it at the right angle to shield his eyes from the bright light. His hands were shaking.

“It’s gonna be fine.”

The building was starting to come into view, an immense pale white mass at the base of the hills they descended. As Suga stared it down, he hoped it would be his last time having to see it. _Let it be the last._ The road was long, and winded ever on.

“We’re okay, kid.”

The parking lot was deserted, save for four cars at the very front of the building. Suga recognized one as a neighbor’s, and another as a secretary’s, who he watched amble into at the same time as Suga and his father the night before.

Suga’s dad clamped his lips shut as they pulled in, easing into a spot near the other vehicles with much pause. Even the usual whine of the monotonous engine seemed to taper out of earshot. To Suga, the entire area seemed to put itself on standstill. It was unsettling. His dad leaned into the back of his seat for long seconds, before turning his head towards Suga. As if to avoid breaking the muffled anticipation that hung in the air, he spoke just a hair above a whisper.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay… let’s go see mom.”

She would be hooked up to a nearly infinite number of wires and chords, like always. Suga had wandered through the empty hallways many times, but few things about the hospital changed, and that include his mother's room. She remained confined to the bed she’d been situated in a month ago. The baby she’d given birth to lay in a stroller to her right side, on the far end of the room. The large machine to her left chirped and beeped more than usual as Mr. Sugawara stepped up to his wife. Suga hoped it was a good sign.

_Please._

His mother was speaking quiet words, and as Suga sat in his chair next to his new brother, he tried desperately to tune out the technical terms that were thrown out left and right. He didn’t want to hear about the kidney damage. He didn’t want to hear about the stroke. He didn’t want to hear about any of it anymore.

“That desk guy came in the other day to chat and said he might have some documents for you to sign.”

“Okay, anything different?”

“Uh-uh, nope. He said my blood levels looked a little better.”

“That’s great!”

“M-hmm, you should go grab them.”

“I’ll be back in a minute. Ko? Watch out for your mum, okay?”

“Kay…”

The room was quiet as Mr. Sugawara left the room. The sounds of various machines and monitors had long been tuned out of Suga's head, leaving the mint green and white striped walls to distract him from the room he continued to linger in. His mother's voice was more strained than it had been when Mr. Sugawara was in the room.

“Ko, come close. I can’t... see... that well anymore.”

“Kay…”

“How are you doing these past few... days?”

“It’s okay, I guess. We won the last match of the day, but there’s more games next weekend. I didn’t play, but maybe next time.”

His mother’s eyes remained closed, her smile soft and relaxed. Her forehead remained tersely contorted, though. It always looked this way, now. She made a small tilt of her head towards him, eyes opening just a crack. They were bloodshot.

“You know, I think your brother should come home with you... today. He's been here too long.”

“Yeah? That’s good.”

“M-hmm… I need you to help him when your dad and I aren’t there to take care of him, okay?”

“But… you’re always going to be here, right? With us?”

She looked around the room slowly, her eyes settling on a fixated spot on the wall. The machine’s beeping slowed.

“Promise me, Ko. He’ll need you to be there every step of the way. _Please_.”

“Okay… I will.”

“That’s a good boy… now, can you grab me that glass of water?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks…”

Suga rose from where he had perched by his mother’s side, before locating the glass on the far side of the room. It was filled to the very top. _Too much._ Suga gripped the cup firmly, stopping by a sink at the side of the room to dump some of it out. His mother inhaled a long, deep breath. He readjusted his grip, before turning back to his sleepy mother again. The beeping was very slow. She exhaled a quiet, shallow breath, just as Suga approached.

He reached her side, again, and prepared to hand it to his mother. Her hand was open, a sheet billowing under her pale arm. It was so much skinnier than Suga ever remembered. It twitched suddenly, before relaxing again. Suga raised his gaze to his mother’s face and prepared to raise the glass to her lips himself.

The heart monitor flatlined. Suga was now inches from his mother’s face, when the sound cut through the muffled environment like a knife. _That’s…_ Her eyes rested on him, the whites of her eyes red and stiff. It was like she was _watching_ him.

The heart monitor was suddenly louder than it had ever been. It was exhausting, and it blared into Suga’s ears. It had never been so loud, but he couldn’t look away from her. The lights seemed to flicker brighter now and then. It was too _bright_ , too _muddled_. Too _harsh_.

_Stop._

_Get out of here._

Suga backed away towards the sink. The lights seemed to get brighter. He dared not look away. He dared not shift his gaze. He felt trapped.

_You didn't help her._

His back contacted the corner of the tiny room, and he pushed his weight against the wall, sliding to the floor with a quiet squeak. It was too loud, too bright. _She’s…_

“Fuck!”

His father was in the room, now. He held her closely, loud cries piercing Suga’s eardrums. It was all too shrill, too sharp. He needed to be anywhere else. Storm clouds began to billow outside, a dark muddled yellow combining with the glaring fluorescent lights above. With his father’s back turned to him as he hugged Suga’s mom, the urge to run only grew. Her mouth was visible between Suga and his father’s silhouette. 

She was _smiling_ at him.

“Fuck.”

The setter sharply sat upright. His bed creaked lightly under his weight, and his breathing resonated throughout the room and back into his ears. The storm in the mountains had followed him back to Miyagi.

_Too quick._

_Breathe._

_Breathe._

_Breathe._

_You’re okay._

_He’s okay._

Another clap of thunder sounded. The dark clouds covered the moon above, leaving Suga stranded in darkness, distant streetlights just barely peeking through his window enough to separate the silhouette of his arms from the darkness ahead. They were thin in the light of his childhood room. It was quiet as he tried to regulate his breaths. They were quicker, now.

_Breathe._

_You’re okay._

_You’re okay._

_You’re okay._

_So is he._

_You’re fine._

He wasn’t slowing down. The air felt thick again. The room was cold, and distant. Everything felt _wrong_. His heart rate increased further, and Suga pushed himself out of bed. Reaching over his bedside table, he pocketed his phone, before stepping out of his room.

_I just need to make sure._

Light rain started to clatter against the roof overhead as he padded down the hall, vision blurry, and head aching. Suga quietly rustled the door open, peering into the dimly lit room. A tiny speaker played a soft lullaby while a night-time projector cast a calming soft galaxy over the ceiling above the crib. Within, Suga’s brother lay resting. He crept forward; his own breathing was still haggard.

_He’s fine._

_You’re fine._

_Just need to be sure…_

He extended a hand through the dim light, tenderly wrapping around his brother’s elbow. At first, nothing. Then, he readjusted his index finger’s position.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

Suga’s breathing slowed. His brother slept on, unbothered by nightmares or intruders in his room. He was fine.

_So are you._

_Go back to bed._

_You’re okay._

Suga turned his gaze away from the crib, quietly shutting the door on the way out. With it, the soothing lullaby was drowned out, and a brighter orange glow flitted through Suga’s vision. There was a light on downstairs.

Without blinking away the spots in his vision, Suga descended the stairs without a sound. At the base of the stairs, a single cabinet sat against the wall with nothing more than a lonely polaroid left to populate its exterior. Suga’s socked feet reached the base of the stairs, the cold adjustment sending a shiver up his spine.

He tenderly grabbed for the polaroid, eyeing it for the first time in a while under the dim light from the other room. A layer of dust had collected, hiding a younger Suga’s birthmark as he stood with his father and brother. A pale blue ocean merged with the sky behind them, with a gentle bright glow emanating from a lamp somewhere out of frame.

It was twilight in this photo. They had gone to the beach for the day, the first time they’d been out together since the hospital. Suga held a timid smile on his face, while his father held his much tinier baby brother in his hands. He had been crying for so long, and it seemed like the beach was the one thing loud enough to block it all out. They just had time to think. Suga flipped the sheet over in his hands.

**2008/11/16**

_Sugawara family (updated)_

Suga flipped the polaroid back over. He didn’t have to think long about who took the photo. Instead, he tried to focus back on something else within the photo. _Something nice_. Suga peered more closely at the shot. There wasn’t much else to take in that Suga hadn’t seen before, except…

_Dad looked so tired._

“What are you doing up?”

Suga whipped his head around, locating the familiar voice. He dropped the polaroid back onto the counter as quietly as possible behind his back. The source of the voice stood in the doorframe to the kitchen, a dim yellow light softly brushing against the back of the older man’s face.

“Sorry, Uncle, I saw the light on, so I-.”

“What did I tell you about calling me Uncle?”

“I’m sorry… Eiji.”

The man was quiet for a moment, sneering at Suga’s presence. He clearly wasn’t expecting Suga to be down, then. _Neither was I._ His upturned lip flattened out into a smirk as he spoke.

“You know, when my brother _chose_ to make you my problem by doing… _what he did_ … I didn’t agree to just become part of the family, again. I didn’t _choose_ to take care of you. You show me some _respect_ by calling me your step-dad or sir for my trouble, because that’s the closest we’ll ever be to real family, got it?”

_Fuck you._

_You don’t do shit for me._

“Yes.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

_Leave me alone._

“I had a bad dream, and it woke me up.”

“Hmph.”

The man looked to the side for a minute. He seemed to be listening or something. He turned back to Suga, eyebrows lifted in mock exasperation. When he spoke, his words were biting.

“Know what that is?”

_I don’t care._

“I don’t know.”

“It’s the sound of quiet. And it’s how it was before you trudged down the stairs and woke us up.”

“Us?”

“Your new step-mom is spending the night.”

“Oh.”

“Got a problem with that?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. Go to bed.”

“Good night.”

The other man didn’t respond, turning back towards the kitchen once more. It didn’t matter if Suga stayed in the room or not; it never did on the off chance Suga _had_ to descend the stairs for something. He knew his father’s brother would be out of the kitchen and back on the couch momentarily, and with or without the added guest, he seldom left that spot throughout the night.

Still, Suga didn’t stick around. Instead, he reclimbed the stairs, quietly and slow as always. As he reached the second floor again, and the need to be quiet mostly dissipated (except for Suga’s brother), he exhaled a long breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He was _far_ too awake to sleep, now.

In contrast, his eyes drifted past down the hall. To the _bathroom_. He knew the bag was waiting there, like always. It felt like an impending relief. He could just slip in, and things could be _better_. The rain started to pick up.

_You know what to do._

_You need to._

_You deserve it._

_Bleed into the sink._

Suga was stepping into the bathroom.

_You’ve got nothing stopping you._

_Do it._

_Go._

The rain became a downpour. His hands were reaching for the bag. A sharp metal sheet pricked his finger, and he repositioned his index finger around it, letting his sense of touch guide him through the dark room. The blade was ready for him.

_Hurry up._

_Get it on with._

_Push up your shirt._

A vibration in Suga’s pocket took him out of the moment.

_Wait._

The metal blade clattered into the sink lightly. His breath hitched.

_I don’t want to do this, anymore._

A tear rolled down Suga’s cheek.

_I don’t…_

He reached back into the sink, and pinched the razor firmly.

_I don’t…_

He gripped the razor in between two fingers, and began to move quickly. Pocketing the razor blade, Suga grabbed the bag in a flurry of motion, and he stormed out of the bathroom with new purpose. He descended the stairs with muffled steps, only stopping at the base of the stairs.

The lights were still on.

_Does that mean…?_

_Fuck it._

Suga blew into the kitchen, opening the trash can and holding the bag out in front of him. His _mind_ began tried to betray him. _It_ wanted him to go right back into the bathroom. _It_ didn’t want him to do this.

But _Suga_ did.

He dropped the bag into the trash can with a satisfying clink.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Suga ignored the voice, merely grabbing a glass off the counter. He kept his head down as he filled it in the tap. The formless voices in the space ahead of him guffawed. He didn’t care.

“Hey, you LISTEN when I’m fucking _talking_ to you!”

_Fuck off._

Suga shut off the sink, and drank the water in silence, before placing it down in the sink. The couch audibly _creaked_ , as the man stood from where he’d been situated. Lightning cracked in the distance, and for a brief moment, Suga could see into the room. Eiji was closer than he thought. The footsteps were quick. _Time to go_. Without another word, Suga turned, and fled up the stairs. There were words being hurled his way, and the footsteps seemed to get louder, louder, louder. Suga burst through the open door and slammed it shut behind himself. He had already locked the door to his room before he could even think about what he’d done.

_That’s gonna be a problem, tomorrow._

_If he remembers._

Despite the issues that would rise from his encounter in the kitchen, Suga couldn’t help but crack a wry grin. _Two new things in one night_. He’d never done anything so… _direct_ against the man. He’d never done anything like that at all.

_And to think it’s only…_

_Wait._

_Who would send something at this time of night?_

Suga pulled his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants. With the screen still off, he simply held the device in front of him for long, long seconds. He took a deep breath in, exhaled, and pressed the power button on his phone. There was one new message, and it was from a familiar contact. Suga opened the chat immediately.

 **Daichi:** Hey, can we talk?

Suga took in another breath before reading it again. Slowly, he started to type a reply. He sent it, and waited for a few seconds, before he started to type again, more fervently this time. He held the phone closely to his face as he waited for a response.

 **Me:** Yeah, ofc

 **Me:** Is everything okay?

For thirty seconds, there was no response. Radio silence. Thirty seconds became a minute, and Suga deflated. One minute became two. Suga was just about to give up and shut off his phone for the night when another message came through.

 **Daichi:** Uh-huh, just need to be clear about a few things.

 **Daichi:** I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

 _He’s gonna kill me_. Suga read the message again, before he tapped a reply. He felt his fingers losing energy as quickly as his mood had turned dolorous.

 **Me:** Alright, see you then!

Daichi didn’t respond, and Suga threw his phone to the far side of his bed. He didn’t bother to charge it, and fell asleep to the hum of the air conditioning as it kicked in. A chill filled the room quickly, and Suga buried himself in his futon as best as he could. He fell into a light dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

Daichi headed to school in a flurry of motion. He’d slept in after texting Suga, and he’d had a rough wakeup from his father. There wasn’t much time until morning practice started back up, and he’d be late to starting it. The team likely wouldn’t get much done.

_Some captain…_

The side streets gradually lost their foliage, and Daichi’s vision homed in on the gym doors that appeared on the far side of the parking lot. Despite the drab, grey appearance of everything in front of him, the door was like a bright, golden beacon. He was late, but he _was_ there.

_Maybe there’s a handful of other stragglers._

_Maybe everybody slept in._

_Maybe-_

Daichi’s feet slipped on the curb, and he threw his hands in front of himself to protect his face. Instantly, he resisted the urge to howl as his hands stung and burned. The pain was intolerable, and Daichi lay for long seconds just biting his lips and digging his heels into the pavement. _Don't yell._ The concrete stung his palms, and he winced heavily as he picked himself up. The gym doors were right in front of him, but he had to compose himself.

_It hurts._

_At least they aren’t seeing every part of me crashing and burning._

Daichi trudged in and raised his hands to announce his presence. Just before he clapped them together, though, he hesitated. His hands _were_ still bleeding.

_Maybe not the best practice to make my hands hurt more and the gym dirtier._

“Daichi? What happened to your hands?”

“That’s a lot of blood, are you okay?”

“Do you need to go to the nurse-”

“DAICHI! I told you to watch your step when you’re running late.”

Suga was stomping towards him, now. He held his own hand out to reach for Daichi’s arm, but something in his gaze changed, and he stopped. He looked into Daichi’s eyes. Daichi looked into his.

_He looks… tired._

Suga turned back towards the rest of the team quickly and called out loudly.

“Alright, Ennoshita, lead them in some suicide drills. If we aren’t back in fifteen, run a 2-on-2.”

“Got it.”

“Thanks. Come on Daichi.”

Suga gripped Daichi’s forearm lightly, guiding him away from the rest of the team. They were watching him quietly. _That ain’t good._ Suga turned back towards them again, and without stopping, barked out at them with a surprisingly sharp tone.

“Well? Go on! This isn’t anything new, and the day’s not getting any longer!”

“Yes, Suga!”

“Of course, Suga.”

“Right away.”

“You got it!”

Daichi lightly chuckled, before Suga opened the door, and dragged Daichi away from the gym. They were halfway up the steps of the club room when Daichi looked down. Suga had kept his hand wrapped around Daichi’s forearms. _Tightly._

“Is there a reason we’re going to the club room instead of the nurse’s?”

“They’ll just give you ice and a band-aid, and I’ve got actual supplies for stuff like this in my bag.”

“Oh.”

Suga pulled out a key, and unlocked it, opening the door wide for Daichi, before pacing to the far side of the room. The absence of Suga's touch was distracting, but Daichi swallowed, and tried to focus on something else before the setter read his mind. The rest of the team’s bags were strewn about, left for later on when they had to grab them again for school. Suga rooted around in his bag, while Daichi dropped his own to the ground and hovered quietly.

“You lock the door when I’m not around with the keys?”

“Yeah? I like to keep everybody’s stuff secure.”

“Oh… cool.”

Suga turned towards him, hands full of different medical supplies. He gestured towards a small ledge on the window for Daichi, while the setter reclined into a chair just next to it.

“Okay, let me see your hands.”

Daichi complied, letting Suga take his hands into his own. For a quiet minute, Suga cleaned the wounds, treated them, and began to pull out a light brown roll of… _something_. Suga didn’t look Daichi in the eyes as he spoke.

“Are you allergic to latex?”

“Uh…”

_Think clean thoughts..._

“I don’t think so, uh, no.”

Suga didn’t respond. He merely began to wrap the light brown wrap around Daichi’s left hand, tenderly covering the scraped parts of Daichi’s hands. The captain regarded him for a moment, taking in the features of the concentrated setter. Something was _gnawing_ at him.

“Uh, Suga?”

“Yeah?”

“Are… are you _mad_ at me?”

Suga looked up to face Daichi in the eyes for the first time since they’d entered the club room, together.

“What? Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, you seem… distant.”

“Oh…”

Suga’s features visibly softened, and his eyes lowered to Daichi’s hands, again. He continued wrapping as he spoke, albeit slower than before.

“Last night, I made a mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t hurt myself. I actually _threw out_ that bag you hid so terribly in the cabin.”

“Hey!”

“But… in the process, I ended up pissing off my uncle.”

“I thought you lived with your step-dad?”

“He’s technically my uncle but prefers to be called a step-dad or just by his name.”

“That’s… okay.”

“You can say it’s weird, I get it. It... it is weird, right? He’s kind of a dick, honestly. And he’s manipulative. He’s also kind of why I’m still struggling with a lot of what I’m struggling with.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and _then_ I saw your text, and it kinda worried me because it seemed like _you_ were mad at me, too.”

_What?_

_Suga thought that..._

“Why would you think that?”

“The way you were typing sounded like you had something serious to talk about.”

“I mean… well, I _kinda_ do.”

Suga looked up to Daichi, again.

“Oh?”

“But, uh, now’s not the time for that. I’m glad you feel comfortable telling me about this, but I’m sorry about your situation at home. I _am_. And… I’m not mad at you, Suga. I don’t even know how you could ever think I’d be mad at you.”

“Well, you were typing with a pretty serious period at the end of your sentences.”

“Psh, that’s just proper punctuation!”

“And then there was the Torii Gate and bus situation.”

_Oh._

_Right._

“I… I wasn’t that mad at _you_.”

“But you were still angry, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah…”

Suga inhaled quietly, before he continued to wrap Daichi’s hands, even more delicately than before.

“Dai, are these situations… related?”

Daichi clamped his eyes shut, and slowly nodded. Suga let out a strange sigh, and continued to speak, quietly.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“But you’ve told me so much. I feel like I owe you some clarity.”

_Why is he giving you guidance?_

_It should be the other way around!_

“I tell you what’s happening in my life because I _trust_ you, but also because talking to you is what helps me. That isn’t a cure-all for my problems, nor does it help every other person in the world, so you shouldn’t feel pressured to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

_I want to tell you._

_I want to kiss you back._

“That’s true.”

“I don’t miss. Tell me on your own terms. On your own time. When you’re ready to be upfront about your feelings, I’ll be _there_ for you.”

Daichi sighed, before plastering on a large grin. He quickly let it diminish, and let his face rest with a more natural-looking and gentle smile.

“Thank you for everything, Suga.”

“Of course. Your feelings matter just as much as surgery does to your hands, now.”

“What?!”

“Kidding, you’ll be fine. I just have to wrap the other one up, now. You really should be more careful, you know…”

“Heh, you’re right…”

Suga continued to wrap up Daichi’s hands, and both boys visibly relaxed as the quiet of the air seemed to become less awkward. There was still something... _missing,_ though. Suga tightly secured the last of the bandage, and merely admired his handiwork.

“You should be all set, but I don’t think you should go all out for the next few days. It’s not like you were scraped in the spot where you do bump receives, but it’s not exactly a _good_ spot to be injured, either.”

Daichi was quiet for a moment. He maintained eye contact with Suga for long, long seconds, again, before he began to speak. His words were quiet, pleading and slow.

“ _Are_ there good spots to be hurt?”

Suga paused for a minute, his hands resting over Daichi’s. He held eye contact for long, long seconds. His face was unreadable.

“I suppose not.”

The setter looked away before he realized where his hands were, and jerked them away, rising to his feet, quickly. He faced the door, and took in a deep breath as he waited for Daichi to collect himself.

"Suga-"

"We should get back. Come on."

Daichi internally chided himself, before he, too, stood up. Neither of them spoke as he reached the door. Suga put on a smile, but the steely determination in his eyes was anything but calming as the club room's door was locked, again. Finally, both boys walked back towards the gym, quietly.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The leaves would be the first to go. Then, the weather would dip in the later months of autumn, and the colors of the land would turn to brown and grey. Suga often avoided thinking of the winter to come, but he found the dying light at the end of summer to be his least favorite time of year, instead.
> 
> He centered his gaze back on the low horizon in front of him. Distant homes and lonely streetlights were just starting to wake up, their lights dim next to the sun. But that would change. The greenery faded further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mild domestic abuse (with blink and you'll miss references to worse stuff), references to self harm

Suga waved goodbye to the team silently before trotting off. The school day had breezed by, and afternoon practice had gone well, even with Daichi being somewhat out of commission. They still needed to _talk_ , but he had something else to deal with, prompting him to cut through the immense park once more. He didn’t want to get lost, today. As he picked up his pace among the thickening trees, Suga was distinctly aware of how alone he was.

He raised his head as he walked. The sky was starting to lose its blue color as the light of the day diminished. The trees were a deep shade of green, the tops of them a bright reflective white from the drooping sun. Lower still, the leaves left in shadow were just beginning to fade. Not enough to be obvious, but Suga could always tell when the bright greens and blues had dulled. Summer was coming to an end.

The leaves would be the first to go. Then, the weather would dip in the later months of autumn, and the colors of the land would turn to brown and grey. Suga often avoided thinking of the winter to come, but he found the dying light at the end of summer to be his least favorite time of year, instead.

He centered his gaze back on the low horizon in front of him. Distant homes and lonely streetlights were just starting to wake up, their lights dim next to the sun. But that would change. The greenery faded further.

Suga didn’t have a reason to return home early, except perhaps his brother. Most days, he tried to avoid the ordeal of walking in, or prolong it as long as possible. He couldn’t afford such a luxury, today.

_Time to face the music._

He’d left the house too early for anybody to wake up, like always. But today, _Eiji_ was off work, and he’d be waiting. Suga wanted to stall. He wanted to wait. If he was lucky, the older man forgot what happened the night before, or maybe he would be distracted, and Suga could just sneak in, and he wouldn’t even notice…

_No._

_He’s always there._

As Suga dashed through the last stretch of the old park, the house came into view. It’d be just like always. He’d be on the couch, waiting for him.

_I can’t avoid it._

The grass turned into concrete, as Suga emerged onto the sidewalk. He was two houses down from his own. His steps sent tremors through his own body. They felt so _loud._

The front door was ten feet away. Six. Three. Suga raised his arm into the air. He didn’t need a key; the other main resident of the house never bothered to lock it between trips to the store, anyways. Suga twisted the knob, slowly.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

His pace lost all urgency as soon as he reached the door. He’d made it here too fast. Too soon. His body betrayed his mind, not hesitating as it pulled the door open with a loud, drawn out squeak.

Instantly, he felt a heavy arm on his shoulder. It pulled him in, and the door was slammed shut. In the dim entryway, Suga’s eyes adjusted slowly. The lights overhead beamed onto a downturned head. Suga’s gaze instinctively skipped past looking into his eyes, directly.

Eiji’s hand lingered on Suga’s shoulder with force. It didn’t just rest there. It was shoving him down.

_Too close._

_Too much._

_Don’t._

The man leaned in close, mouth inches from Suga’s ear. He was manic.

“Why’d he have to leave me behind? Huh?”

Suga’s eyes widened slightly. His back was against the door; it hurt.

“Why’d he leave you to me?”

His back rubbed harshly against the door. The old marks were throbbing. They started to reopen. Eiji’s breath was sour, a musky odor lingering in the air.

“Why’d he have to be so selfish?”

_He’s been drinking._

Suga winced as the hand pushed him down further, his scars opening even more. _Fuck_. The older man was nearly on top of him.

_Accept it._

_Take it._

_When this is over, lock yourself in the bathroom._

_You still have one blade left._

Eiji dropped his full weight on Suga, a bottle in one hand clanking against the door. He constricted tightly against the boy, and Suga felt his windpipe lose airflow. He was being crushed against the door.

_Too tight…_

_Accept it._

_I can’t move…_

_Take it._

Eiji raise his elbow, perching it on Suga’s shoulder. There was laughter coming from somewhere. Suga began to choke. _The lights are so bright._

_It was bound to happen._

_There’s no need to fight, anymore._

_The pain will be worth it._

His vision started to fade. He was going to let it. Quiet words seemed to echo into his ear. Familiar ones. They seemed distant, and Suga tried to let them fade, too. His own mind was louder, anyways.

_Yes._

_Let your limbs go still._

_Let your mind be clear._

_Let the pain in._

_Let yourself out._

He was going to allow the weight to overcome him. He was going to let the hurt in. It would be worth it, after all. The light was spreading to the rest of his gaze. He couldn’t see anything but white light.

_Is there a good kind of pain?_

Suga’s eyes drifted shut.

_No._

He shoved the body away with all his might. A hand coiled around his neck, and Suga began to squirm and writhe. He kicked his feet blindly. _Get off_. His foot contacted something, and a voice seemed to call out. _It’s so far._

The hand fell away as Eiji regained his footing, sloppily. The bottle in his left hand clattered to the floor, rolling away audibly. Suga rose to his feet with a sudden level of calm. The other man looked blurred, but raised his fists. He had a poor defense as he began to slur his speech.

“Do you wanna fuckin-”

“-You wanna know why he died? You wanna know why he _‘left’_ me all for you to handle?”

_Now you’ve done it._

The other man was silent.

“He was in _grief!_ He lost the one person he loved most. I know they weren’t a perfect couple, either. “

“You-”

“-But if there’s _one_ thing I knew about my dad, it’s that he loved my mom even more than he _hated_ you!”

The older man smirked. He remained silent, and shrugged his shoulders, satisfactorily. Suga softened a bit. Fear started to roost in him, again.

_Damage control._

_He’s family, right?_

“I don’t mean to-”

“You’re always going to be a crappy kid, aren’t you?"

Eiji wasn't looking at him as he spoke.

"But that’s okay, because you need me. You’re never gonna leave me, and I’m always gonna handle everything that happens in this house, so just go shut up your brother, and leave us alone. Then, I’ll come up in a bit, and I’ll _take care_ of you, both. Yeah?”

Muffled giggles sounded from the other room.

_Guess we aren’t alone._

Tears rolled down Suga’s face.

_He’s going to win, again._

_Just say yes._

_Let him on top of you._

_He’s family._

Suga clenched his fists. Tightly.

_You owe him…_

“No.”

_Take that back._

“What?”

Suga shut his eyes to prevent his tears from forming. He raised his voice as he spoke again. He didn’t care how loud he was.

“NO!”

The older man stepped back. He looked almost as shocked as Suga felt.

“I’m your fucking blood relative. You don't ever, and I mean _ever_ touch me again. Sure, you got put in a sucky situation with somebody’s family you never wanted to be apart of, but if you think for a second that you’re blameless for how you’ve treated the both of us as a legal _guardian_ these past few years…”

Suga opened his eyes. Eiji directed his gaze towards the wall. 

_Look at me._

“You’re dead wrong.”

“I’ve _done_ nothing but try to protect you these past few years. You don’t even see what’s going on in the background, _do_ you? I pay the bills in this house, and I’m the adult, not you!”

_Let him win._

_No._

“You haven’t protected my brother or me from anything, and you don’t pay for shit. I see the bills _every_ month, and I know where you’re actually finding the money to pay for this house. Those were my fucking life savings that they set up before they died!”

“You’re an ungrateful brat is what you are.”

“No! You’re a shitty, _selfish_ person who takes his feelings of worthlessness out on people who've never done anything to you, and I’m _not_ tolerating it anymore.”

More laughter from the other room.

“What kind of power do you even think you have? You’re just a kid.”

“The money in the will doesn’t belong to you. It never did. Just like this house doesn’t belong to you. You’re just living… in _my_ house...”

Eiji’s eyes widened.

The room went silent.

“You fucking…”

Suga stepped towards the older man. He took a step back. _Good_. There was no laughter in the other room.

“You’re a squatter… in my house. You’re not real family, just like the _peanut gallery_ back there _isn’t_ really welcome to sleep over uninvited in the place paid by my life savings.”

No voices objected. Suga took another step towards Eiji. He backed away, further towards the couch. His feet made contact with it, and he sank into it. He looked scared.

_Good._

“You wouldn’t really throw your old uncle out onto the streets, would you? You said it, yourself. We’re _family_! This is no way to treat your elders!”

“Let me be clear. I don’t fear you _anymore_. You’re a sad old man, and I’d kick you out if I wanted to. There’s just… nothing inside of you...”

“But…”

Suga eyed him closely, and cocked his hip to the side. He leaned down over the older man as he spoke.

“This is how things are going to work, now.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t kick him out.”

“I’m not that heartless, although he totally would’ve had it coming.”

Daichi paused for a moment as he repositioned his phone. He didn’t want to think of what else had happened in that house. Or what else had happened to _Suga_. He remembered a question he’d thought of earlier as Suga explained to him what happened over their call.

“So, why does making him get a job change so much?”

“For starters, he’s never really worked for anything, before. Even before my parents died, he would mooch off of them when he wasn’t even part of the family, anymore. My dad wasn’t subtle about how much he hated that. They weren’t as close as my uncle would actually admit…”

Daichi smiled lightly, before reclining further against the chair in his room. He rested his phone on one shoulder while he wrote the rest of his notes. Suga continued on the other end.

“He knows that he can’t control me, anymore. And he knows that he can’t try to hold me down, anymore. He was purposely cut out of the will even _before_ my mom died, and that didn’t change when my dad went, either. Plus, I’m making him pay for where he’s staying as much as I can off his immediate-hire driver’s salary.”

“Suga… I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“That isn’t the half of it.”

“Plucky bastard.”

Suga audibly chuckled over the phone, and Daichi continued.

“But I’m really proud of you, too. I don’t think I could’ve done the same if I was in your position. You shouldn’t have to, but I still think you’re strong for pushing through such a tough situation like that.”

Suga paused for a bit.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t think I’m strong.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t _plan_ to confront him, and I didn’t decide to be brave or anything, either. I was going to run away like usual. I don’t- I don’t think I was thinking about doing anything in the moment before I told him off. It was just... self-preservation.”

“Oh…”

“I just thought about what you said… earlier I mean…”

“What did I say?”

Suga took a deep breath.

“There aren’t good places to be hurt.”

“Oh. If I’m being honest I meant that more about-”

“-I know.”

The line went quiet for a minute, as both boys took in the weight of their words. Daichi felt a calm smile settle onto his face. Suga continued.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything, even still, Daichi.”

“Suga…”

“I can’t say that I’d be in this situation without your help. If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t be here without you a few times.”

Oh.

“Suga, you don’t need to thank me for that. It’s common decency, and you deserve every bit of help you need in life. I mean it when I say you’re a wonderful, amazing, _spectacular_ person, and I think you deserve the world.”

“No embellishments there, right?”

“Nope, I _fully_ expect you to lift the earth over your head and just kinda carry it around.”

"I'd get so buff doing that."

_You're already so beautiful._

“I wouldn’t picture you doing that any other way.”

The two boys were quiet over the line for long seconds. Daichi couldn’t tell what the other boy was doing or thinking in the moment, but he had a sneaky suspicion he had stopped to look up at the ceiling, too. A quiet rustling sound was all there was to prove he was still there.

Minutes passed by in comfortable silence. Daichi made occasional marks on his notes with a pencil, but he was doing it more to make the sound than to contribute anything of merit. He wanted to fill space.

_I should be ecstatic for Suga._

In a way, he _was_ happy. At least, as happy as he could be for someone making progress in a situation like that. But as he started to drag his pencil back and forth over the same spot, he couldn’t help but feel like there was something _missing._

_This is all you’re ever going to be._

_Just two people talking from a distance._

_From afar._

_You’re not going to-_

“Hey, I haven’t sent you my address yet, have I?”

“Huh?”

“On the bus, remember?”

Daichi silently leapt to his feet, ignoring the odd look his younger brother gave as he passed by the doorway.

“Oh, y-yeah!”

“Here, I’m sending it, now. Since the place is going to be a little bit more vacant, now, I could use some company in watching my little brother for a bit. He’s going to pre-school soon, but until then…”

“I’d love to.”

Suga hummed in acknowledgement, before a quiet ding sounded in Daichi’s ears. He moved the phone from his ear, and looked at the address. He reread it, just to be sure. It was _odd_.

“This is your address?”

“Uh, yeah, it is.”

“That’s so weird.”

“Huh?”

“Like, extremely weird.”

“What?”

“Like, _so_ weird.”

“Daichi, you butt! Just tell me!”

Daichi chuckled.

“It’s just… we’re closer than I thought.”

“Did I not mention that before?”

“I know you were able to walk to my house and home, before, but I didn’t realize you were that close. It’s like a fifteen-minute walk at most.”

Suga sighed quietly before he spoke. His voice struck Daichi differently than what he was used to hearing. He couldn’t place what emotion the setter exuded. It was just… odd.

“I wasn’t ready, yet.”

“Suga…”

“I’m not a perfect person. I don’t even think I’ve overcome most of my problems, yet. Part of me doesn’t think I’ll ever fully be past them, but I don’t have the chance to think about that until I get there. But I _want_ to get there. And I don’t want to go alone.”

Daichi remained quiet.

“I haven’t been as social as I should, lately. Even with Asahi dropping off, I wasn’t in the right space to full be there to support you.”

“I didn’t-”

“-I know… I just… I’ve gone through quite a bit, but now that I’m actually through the worst of it, there’s not really much else I have or want to work on except…”

“Except?”

Suga hesitated, but when he did speak, his voice was raspy and quiet. It was in that uniquely unknowable tone that Daichi didn’t understand. He just couldn’t tell.

“Us…”

“Us?”

“Yeah, I wanna work on our relationship, now, too.”

“Our…?”

“If that’s okay with you?”

“Uh, oh! Yeah! Yup, of course. _Totally_ cool with me, that’s… that’s super... _coolio_.”

_Smooth._

_Real smooth._

Suga giggled softly, before he spoke again.

“Alright, well, if I’m gonna be a better friend, we should probably hang out more.”

_Oh._

_Friend._

“Oh, alright…”

_Try not to mask your disappointment too well._

There was so much that Daichi wanted to say. Every time he so much as thought about Suga, his heart seemed to beat out of his chest. There was just so little time _left_. They’d be finished with school, soon. They’d be done with volleyball, and so much else.

Their entire lives were about to change, and Daichi didn’t know if he felt like it would be for the better. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where he couldn’t run into Suga.

_I can’t imagine living without him._

His mind flashed to the last night of the trip. It had seemed so quick, now. So little had come of it, and yet so _much_ had happened all the same. Daichi couldn’t even remember the feeling of Suga’s lips on his cheeks. He wanted those lips against his own. He wanted his feelings to be returned.

He wanted to love him, freely.

Daichi swallowed his feelings, once more as Suga’s voice broke him out of his mood. Even for just a moment, it made him feel better before silence filled the air, again. It felt louder.

“Okay, why don’t you come by tomorrow night?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick chapter bc I split this and the last chapter in half
> 
> close to the end, here:)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Suga? The boy who doesn’t let anybody use his first name?”
> 
> “Yeah.”
> 
> “The one with the grey hair?”
> 
> “M-hmm.”
> 
> “The same one who came here just once or twice but has come up in conversation every single day for the past few years?”
> 
> “This is getting really speci-”
> 
> “Surely not who I’ve got on speed-dial in case your father commits a war crime in a foreign country?”

Daichi’s alarm sounded off early in the quiet morning. The sharp notes reverberated around the walls twice before a hand swatted away the droning noise. Quiet returned to the room, and he sat upright. The walls felt drab and colorless, as they usually did when he woke up before dawn. But Daichi had been staring at his ceiling for hours, already.

He rose to his feet, quietly padding through his room. Before throwing on a comfortable outfit, Daichi took pause in front of his room’s mirror. He replaced his jumper, then a shirt, before grabbing a third combo. It did _not_ include a jacket, but Daichi didn’t care.

As he prepared to leave his room, he took in a shallow breath as his mind began to wander. _I’ll be at Suga’s house in a few hours... just the two of us_. It felt like a weight had been both lifted and amplified over his shoulders, bearing the weight of a conversation yet to come. Daichi approached the door.

_Today’s the day._

His mother was eating breakfast when he hobbled into the kitchen, a pleasant smile on her face as she placed two glasses of water onto the table. She jumped slightly as Daichi entered her sight, before she relaxed again, her joy lingering. Daichi slid into a seat, grabbing one of the glasses sluggishly.

“Are you working today?”

“M-hmm. Your dad will be here, though. If he asks to stop by the store, I’ll pay you back, later.”

“Oh, um… about that. I was wondering if, maybe…”

His mother slid into the seat across from him.

“Yes?”

“Well, _Suga_ invited me over to his place tonight, after practice. I was hoping to go, but I thought you were both off, this afternoon, for me to ask.”

“Suga? The boy who doesn’t let anybody use his first name?”

“Yeah.”

“The one with the grey hair?”

“M-hmm.”

“The same one who came here just once or twice but has come up in conversation every single day for the past few years?”

“This is getting really speci-”

“ _Surely_ not who I’ve got on speed-dial in case your father commits a war crime in a foreign country?”

“Yes! Although, this is raising more questions- _wait_. I don’t have time to unpack all that. Is it okay if I go to his place after second practice tonight?”

“You intending to spend the night?”

“Um, well I haven’t really thought about it-”

“Ask your father when you come home later.”

“Yes, mom.”

“Oh, and Daichi?”

“Yeah?”

She rose from her chair, a twinkle in her eye.

“I hope it goes well.”

“I’m telling you, Asahi’s nativity scene needs to get an _upgrade_ , this year.”

“What?!”

“It’s great as is, but if you’re in your last year, I just think you should make it count.”

“It’s not our last.”

“Hmm?”

Asahi and Nishinoya turned to face Daichi. He perched a hand under his chin as he propped himself up and over the table. He had finished eating quickly and was spending the last few minutes of the lunch period in quiet contemplation, listening in on Asahi and Nishinoya’s conversation. He turned towards them with a steely resolve as he entered their conversation.

“You don’t think Asahi can get away with skipping out on that just because he graduates, do you?”

“Eh?!”

“Yes! You’re right, Daichi. I’ll sneak you guys in through the back next year.”

“Probably no need.”

Daichi perked up at Asahi’s response. Nishinoya did too, and both boys peered towards the taller man. He faced them both with an eerie smile.

“Suga could probably break into every single building in Miyagi and escape without so much as rising an alarm.”

Silence.

Daichi and Nishinoya looked at Asahi. Then, they looked at each other. They looked back at Asahi, and back to each other again. Finally, each boy cracked a smile, before bursting into laughter. Asahi joined them. Tanaka waltzed over, sitting down and immediately bantering with them.

“Suga probably has a skeleton key into every single building in Miyagi.”

“Nah, he could just _bribe_ anybody into keeping quiet and letting him in.”

“Maybe he just teleports through the walls.”

“Definitely not human.”

“Is he a ghost, or some kind of local cryptid?”

“Maybe an angel.”

“Do you really think an angel would eat spicy food? He’s _probably_ the devil, or Santa.”

Footsteps. Hands covered Daichi’s eyes. A new voice cut in. It was familiar.

“Pft, that’s a very fine line.”

“Oh!”

Michimiya slid into a seat next to Daichi, pulling out a bag of lunch. It had become a custom for her to show up at the end of the lunch period to chat with Daichi about team strategies. Instead, she simply took in the company of the table for a moment. She quirked a brow, before facing Daichi with a confused look.

“Say, where is Suga? He’s usually here.”

“Oh, he had something come up, I think.”

“Sure you two didn’t get into a little captainly fight?”

Daichi chuckled.

_Something like that._

“He said something about a study guide at morning practice. Plus, I’ll see him later.”

“Wouldn’t that be conducive to a good attendance rate at your practices?”

Daichi lightly flicked Michimiya’s elbow. She playfully and dramatically feigned a grave wound, which he playfully ignored.

“I meant _after_. I’m going to his place to hang out.”

“Suga lives in a house?”

“Yeah?”

“Weird.”

“What do you mean?!”

“I always thought he just phased in and out of existence. That’s his vibe.”

Daichi pondered that idea very seriously for long, long seconds, while the others chuckled at Michimiya’s commentary. Asahi turned around just as Daichi continued.

“I’ll ask him the truth tonight, I guess. Wish me luck.”

“Is that good luck for _two_ things, then?”

“Asahi!”

Michimiya looked back at Asahi, before facing Daichi, again.

“Two?”

“Uh…”

“Did you need to talk to him about something else, too?”

“Well…”

Michimiya’s gaze immediately softened.

“Sorry! That’s a personal question! You don’t need to answer that, sorry.”

“Huh? Oh, Yui, it’s okay! I appreciate that, since you’re more gracious about this than _these_ feral beasts.”

Nishinoya flashed a grin. Tanaka matched it, while Asahi merely chuckled sadly. Michimya giggled, a confused look still resting on her face. Daichi took in a breath, looking to the others for assurance, before facing the girl directly. He leaned in, speaking in a hush.

“So… I have a crush... _on_ Suga.”

Michimiya was frozen in place for long, long seconds. Then, she flashed a quick smile.

“I called it.”

“Eh?”

“Last year, I wasn’t sure, but I could’ve _sworn_ it looked like you were checking him out when we had to practice in the same gym for the cleaners.”

This time, Daichi was silent for long, long seconds. When he spoke, he elected to forgo his whisper.

“WHAT?!”

The rest of the table _erupted_ into rowdy laughter. Daichi tried to ignore the looks passing students flashed before continuing on their way. He faced Michimiya, again as she spoke.

“Yeah, I had a crush on you, but I think that kind of settled my feelings when I saw _that_. I just got confirmation, now, I guess.”

“Wait, you just _told_ me you had a crush on me, right now?”

“Past-tense.”

“But you just _told_ me.”

“Still past tense, but yeah?”

“Like you just came out and said _that_?”

“I think your priorities in this situation are questionable, at best.”

Daichi threw his head into his hands, his eyes peeking through his fingers to stare at the table in front of him. He spoke exasperatedly.

“How did you just say it so casually?! I’m glad you told me and we can _talk_ about it, but… I’ve been hung up on doing the same thing for Suga for a long time, now.”

Michimiya laughed with the others. Asahi chimed in, with a malicious grin.

“Trust us, Yui we’ve been trying to pin our lovely captain together with his vice _way_ too much. At this rate, I don’t know if anything would happen if we locked them in the storage closet, together.”

“Asahi’s right. You should’ve seen when we abandoned them on a raft together just to talk.”

“Or when I dared them to go into the woods and get their kissy game on.”

Daichi faced them all in shock.

_So they were…_

_Trying to put us together?_

_Then…_

“You three have minutes to live.”

“Eep! And scary Daichi is back. Well, gotta go! See you later, Michimiya!”

“Toodles.”

Tanaka, Nishinoya and Asahi left the table as the lunch bell ended. Daichi and Michimiya lingered at the table, gathering their things quietly. A gentle breeze began to pick up overhead, and Michimiya shivered between words.

“It’s getting colder.”

“Is it bad that I’ve connected the cold weather with the Volleyball season and not… you know… the _actual_ season?”

“One of the girls from last year did the same thing, I think.”

Daichi hummed, and packed up the rest of his bag. He threw out his trash, and began to head towards his next class, before hesitating. The wind blew again, and he turned back, facing Michimiya where she stood motionless. She was looking up at the sky, before turning back towards Daichi with a peaceful expression.

“You know… I think you two would be a great couple.”

“Oh. Thank you, Yui. I don’t want you to feel pressured to say that or anything-”

She shook her head.

“I mean it. Not just as high schoolers or because you’re both cute… I just think you’re bound to stick together. From the little I’ve seen, and from what I’m sure the rest of your team has experienced, I’m sure they’d agree that you two are attached at the hip.”

Doubt crept into Daichi’s mind.

“But… what if it doesn’t-“

“-It’s gonna work out, Daichi! He’ll say yes, and you’ve got nothing to worry about. You just gotta tell him how you feel.”

Daichi forced a smile, hoping his features looked relaxed.

“Thank you, Yui.”

“M-hmm. Just tell him soon, though, okay? Aihara owes me.”

“You were betting on us?!”

The mischievous grin she donned matched Asahi’s, as she flimsily waved her hand around.

“Of course not! Who would _do_ such a thing to their good pal Daichi?”

“Ugh.”

“See you all Monday!”

Afternoon practice ended in a blur. Daichi had followed Ukai’s instruction, and focused on what he was doing, but whatever he did one minute was lost from his memory the next. His mind was moving a million miles a minute, and it seemed to accelerate as he locked the door to the gym and headed towards the club room with the other boys. The sun was a pale mustard, hanging around the horizon while light blue clouds trailed overhead.

The scene evoked a feeling, but as Daichi walked, he struggled to place it. He reached the top of the stairs behind the others, and headed for the door, while the sky began to turn a mellow pink. If there was one word to describe the feathery and thin clouds that seemed to curl in every direction…

Daichi walked through the door, entering the club room, where his eyes immediately fell upon Suga. The older boy had simply donned a team jacket over his practice clothes, but to Daichi, he’d stepped off the runway.

The setter’s mouth rested slightly open, still recovering from the last drill of the day. His lips puckered as he lifted a water bottle to his mouth. Daichi felt glued to the spot. His eyes appeared relaxed and calm, though the way they darted around the room was captivatingly mysterious.

But the most _entrancing_ thing in the moment was Suga’s hair. The silver grey blew slightly in front of the air conditioning to his side and stood up in multiple directions. It was frizzy, chaotic and even a little curled from the swampily humid gym, but Daichi found it all the more endearing. The special flyaways commanded all of Daichi’s attention, as they spiraled over and around.

It came to him, then. Seeing Suga’s hair flutter about in such a dreamy fashion, his grey strands not unlike the pale clouds outside, had answered Daichi’s question. If there was one glorious word to describe the scene outside and in…

_It was wispy._

_And bewitching._

Suga’s darting eyes finally locked onto Daichi, and the captain tried his best not to crumple to his knees at the sight. Instead, his legs commanded him to move forward as he listened to Suga’s words. His voice was sultry and emboldened, even as he spoke in a joking tone.

“Hey, Dai, you still coming over?”

“Uh… yeah! Yeah, I’m in. I have to stop at home first, but then… I’ll be right there.”

“Cool. I’ll, uh… be waiting.”

“Please tell me you’re gonna shower at least.”

“You mean you don’t want to be in close contact while I smell the same as the first years usually do all day long?”

“Hey!”

Daichi tuned out Hinata’s woes, instead focusing on Suga’s words.

_I want to be in close contact with you._

_I want to be close to you._

_I want-_

“Ooh, yeah... no.”

“Hard to argue with something as _strong_ as that.”

“How else do you think I get the team to listen to me?”

“Probably by my encouragement.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Simple. I showed them all something to _actually_ fear when you were out at the beginning of the year, so now whenever they see you put on a spooky face, it just reminds them of what I warned them about.”

“I… have literally no clue how to interpret that.”

Suga bowed.

“You can thank me later, cap.”

“Psh…”

Suga looked into Daichi’s eyes for long, long seconds. He looked far more timid than he had moments ago, a small smile lingering on his face. He seemed to pace where he stood, shuffling the grip he held on his bag. Daichi felt the room quiet down slightly, as the other conversations seemed to die off. Whether it was because they had ended or because he had tuned them out, Daichi didn’t know or care. It was just Suga in front of him, and Suga looked right back.

_Is this it?_

_Right now?_

Suga was coming towards him.

_Just like this?_

Daichi wanted to lean in, but felt compelled to remain where he stood.

_In front of the whole team?_

Suga was inches from Daichi, that same odd smile on his face.

The rest of the room was out of his mind.

_It’s just you and me._

Suga opened his mouth, seemingly in slow motion.

_Ooh, that’s a lot for the first time._

Daichi prepared to do the same, and leaned in towards Suga to close the gap just as the other boy spoke.

“Are you gonna let me through the toll, here?”

_Oh._

Daichi leaned back, realizing he had trapped Suga from heading towards the door, where everybody else stood. Watching.

_OH._

“Y-yeah, go ahead. I… will accept the promise of food later as payment, now, mister.”

“Heh... cool.”

Daichi scooted out of the way, and Suga passed through, heading towards the door. He stopped and addressed the rest of the team with a pleasant smile.

“Bye, guys! See you later.”

“Bye, Suga!”

“Later.”

“See you next week!”

The door was shut, and the sound of Suga’s footsteps gently faded into quiet silence. A minute passed, before Tanaka, Nishinoya and Asahi turned towards Daichi, looks of confusion and irritation plastered across their faces. Tanaka was the first to speak.

“What the hell was that?!”

“Huh?!”

“You went in for the kiss, _here?_ In front of everybody?”

“I know! I panicked…”

All four boys collectively sighed, before Nishinoya perked up.

“Well, as awkward as that _train-wreck_ was to watch-”

“-Rude…”

“We can still make this thing work.”

“ _We?!_ ”

“What time are you going over there?”

Daichi glared at all three of the boys.

“There is no ‘we’ in this.”

“’Of course there is!”

“Don’t remind me of all the failed attempts to pin us together.”

Tanaka cut in, excitedly.

“But how did the last time go? Didn’t you get closer than before?”

“I do not want to talk about this with you guys.”

“But we have an _idea_ that-”

“Enough! I’m not going to try another scheme that you unwittingly throw me into. If I can’t even handle that conversation well on my own, it’s not going to go well with more to deal with in one go.”

The others were quiet. Daichi faced each of them one at a time, while they looked down at the ground, solemnly. Their shoulders all slumped, and Daichi finally softened.

“Look, I’m sorry to be harsh, and I appreciate all the help you’re trying to give, but I don’t think I can tell Suga how I feel well _at all_ , and whatever idea you guys have to make us get stuck together like a rom-com probably won’t change that. I have to just suck it up and stutter through explaining everything in detail to him.”

“It’s not anything like that.”

Asahi spoke softly, but seriously. He lifted his chin, and the others followed suit, making eye contact with Daichi. They each looked resolute.

_Don't._

_It's probably something really dumb._

_Don't._

He slumped his shoulders.

“Fucking hell.”

_Idiot!_

“Yay!”

Daichi relented and leaned against the wall as he faced the three of them. For long seconds, he remained quiet, trying to gauge their emotions from their expressions, but they remained silent, waiting for him. Finally, he asked his question.

“What’s your idea?”

Daichi was just pulling up to his house when the navigation on his phone showed him what he was looking for. Gently shutting the screen off, he pulled open the front door, and stepped into the house. He greeted his father distantly, before heading for the shower. In less than ten minutes, he’d finished up, gotten dressed and pocketed his phone charger.

He stepped out of his room, backpack hanging from his hand as he walked into the kitchen. His father sat at the table opposite the one his mother sat in that morning, and Daichi dropped his bag off at a chair on the other end before rooting through the fridge as his father greeted him.

“How was school?”

“Alright, one of my teachers tried playing smooth jazz for me again, though.”

“The same one?”

“No, and it’s weird that it’s happened, twice.”

“Jazz is an infection.”

“I’d believe it.”

“How about practice?”

“Uh, good! I was meaning to ask you about that.”

“Oh?”

“Suga invited me to maybe spend the night at his place tonight?”

“Suga…”

His father furrowed his brow for a moment, deep in thought, before speaking again.

“The one who’s vice-captain?”

“Yup.”

“Who’s got that grey hair?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Surely_ not the same Suga who visited here before, and you always talk about him like family?!”

“That’s the one-”

“The one who’s name I have tattooed to my back?”

“Yea- you have a tattoo?!”

Daichi’s father smiled brightly.

“Do you actually have a tattoo?”

“No more personal questions. What did your mother say?”

“To ask you.”

“Hmm… I guess it’s alright. You have to send me the address and check in before you go to bed so I know he hasn’t eliminated you, yet.”

“Really not liking your implication of the word ‘yet’ there.”

“And is your boyfriend cooking for you, as well?”

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend!”

The room was silent for long, long seconds. Daichi’s father looked at him with an almost unreadable expression, save the slight upturn of the corners of his mouth.

“I said that kinda fast.”

“So you did. I’m guessing this is the same Suga your mother texted me about earlier.”

“So you knew I’d be going over, then?”

“Duh, moving on. Tell me about him.”

Daichi paused for a moment. His father gave him an encouraging look, before silently pointing to the chair to Daichi’s side. He glanced at the time, while his dad cut in.

“Don’t worry, I won’t keep you long.”

Daichi nodded quietly and slid into the seat. He was silent for a moment and cleared his throat in an attempt to also clear the air. Finally, he looked his father in the ye, and spoke softly.

“I’ve liked him for… a while. But I’m _worried_.”

“What’s to worry about? From what I remember, he seems like he’d like you back, or at least be good enough to not let it affect what you’ve got going.”

“I know, but… it’s not that.”

His father leaned forward, imploringly.

“What are you worried about?”

“I… don’t know what to do if he says he likes me, too… I mean, we’re still high schoolers, and he’s someone I can’t picture myself living without. I guess… I’m worried that if tonight were to go well, we face the bigger risk of falling _out_ of love.”

“Daichi…”

“I don’t want these feelings to just _go away_ some day. There’s nothing I’m more scared of than us growing apart, little by little, falling further out of reach as the days go on. I _know_ he’s in a better place to be open to a relationship if he wants one, but I can’t help feel like doing that would just make it harder for us to actually keep up if he goes somewhere far away.”

“Daichi…”

He was crying, now, his words growing quieter.

“I don’t wanna _lose_ him! I don’t… I _really_ don’t.”

Hs sniffled, his face red and littered with streams of tears. Daichi’s father reached across the table, taking his son’s hands into his own. He simply held them for long seconds, before speaking.

“We can’t guess what will happen between you two. I know you’re worried about tonight for a few different reasons, but I don’t think you have to worry about any of the fears you just told me…”

He squeezed Daichi’s hands supportively.

“Do you really mean it when you say you can’t imagine living without him?”

“Yes.”

“Not just dramatic _teenage_ love?”

“We’ve helped each other too much in different ways for me to ever think about my regular life without thinking of how much it’s been improved and kept functioning by Suga.”

“Okay. I’ve been in a lot of young love scenarios-”

“Dad-”

“-Because I’m just so cool and amazing-”

“-Daaaaaaad.”

At the sight of Daichi’s faint smile, his father softened.

“Ya know, I can usually tell when someone’s heart _isn’t_ in it. I can’t speak for Suga, but your feelings are real, and I don’t believe they’re the type that fade. One way or another, I believe the love you have for him is lifelong. It’s up to you just how you express that love.”

_Hmm._

Daichi pursed his lips and leaned his chin against the table. He held his eyes closed, resting for a moment. Finally, he exhaled forcefully, before facing his father, again.

“Thanks, Dad..."

His father waved his arms around flimsily.

“Yeah, yeah. Just be safe walking, and try not to get murdered.”

“Dad.”

“Bring your charger.”

“It’s not-”

“-And don’t forget your toothbrush.”

“He didn’t even invite me to stay the night!”

“Where else are you gonna stay? I’m locking the door behind you for good!”

“Psh, I’ll climb through the window.”

“Locked.”

“The pipes, then.”

“Blocked those up years ago!”

The two of them giggled lightly, embracing the warmth of the golden light that filtered through the windows. Daichi’s father regarded Daichi for a moment.

“You know, when you do move out, maybe you could room with him.”

“Move… in?”

Daichi’s father retained a supportive smile as Daichi considered the possibility of his words.

“I mean, jeez! I don’t even know _where_ he’s going, and we’d _have_ to be sure to… wait! This is all speculation. I can’t even consider this, right now! I haven’t even _told_ him, yet.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

“I’m worried.”

“About what, now?!”

Daichi leaned back against his chair. His father did the same, a quizzical expression on his face.

“I don’t have any idea of how he feels.”

“Like, at all?”

He shook his head.

“What about like, any hints? Did he ever shy away from anything? Or like, reciprocate?”

“I don’t know. I really just… don’t know. And I’m worried that I’ll go to his house tonight and try to initiate something that isn’t really _there_ between us. It could literally be the first and last time I ever go to his house!”

“Oh, Daichi.”

His father rose from his seat and rounded the table. He wrapped a large hand around his son’s shoulder and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“You’re going to be okay. _He’s_ going to be okay, and everything is _going_ to be okay. For better or for worse, things will work out. I can’t see the future, and I won’t try to get your hopes up, but whatever day and condition you come home in, your mother and I will _always_ love you. That won’t change, and you _will_ be okay.”

Daichi squeezed his father tighter for a moment, before leaning back and facing the older man.

“You’re right.”

“Of course I am!”

“Annnnd we’re back.”

“Remember, Daichi, it’s gonna be scary, but it’s a simple thing, too. You’ve both helped each other quite a lot, and now you’ve just got _one_ thing left to do.”

Daichi took in a sharp breath, before letting his father continue.

“It’s time to tell Suga.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter coming up next...


	15. CONFESSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Verbal homophobia + biphobia

The air was still and quiet in the late hours of the day. All the wind had died down, and the abandoned streets left Daichi alone as he travelled down the old park road he’d used once as a kid. Even his footsteps and breathing seemed to fade out of earshot. It was simply Daichi and his own thoughts.

And that _sucked._

Daichi drew in a sharp breath, and looked up to the sky. The light had begun to fade, and the sun had passed below the distant horizon. The light hadn’t completely left though, and a pale blue sheet was thoroughly stretched across the plane of his vision. Out in the coming twilight, the blue hour was captivating, and reminded Daichi of the last time he’d been close to Suga.

He passed the location Nishinoya and Tanaka had found for him, quietly noting its location and availability from a distance, before continuing on his way. There wasn’t much left to do now, except for walking to Suga's.

_And dreading._

His paces were inconsistent, quick as he thought more deeply about what he was doing, before slowing down as he realized where he was moving. The growing fear of being late propelled him back up to speed, before he slowed down again to avoid catching the his host off guard. The cycle continued on a loop, as the air seemed to close in on him. It felt _heavy._

He checked the address on his phone once, twice, before placing it back into his pocket. The small backpack he’d brought with him dug and tore into his shoulders, screaming for him to stop and turn back. He trudged on, noting the soft warm lights in distant homes ahead.

Daichi’s feet made contact with the sidewalk, leaving behind the park he’d been traversing for the better part of an hour. The massive preserve acted as a buffer between Suga’s house and his, with small walking trails lingering between them. It seemed… familiar.

Now, Daichi’s eyes were locked onto a single house, sitting between an empty lot and a boundary of trees. Where there had likely once been a large house in the adjacent location, there now rested a flimsy FOR SALE sign. It made the distance between Suga’s house and everything else seem more…

_Lonely._

Daichi took in the home with squinting eyes in the dying light. It was tall, a pale structure leaning against a desolate black nothingness beyond.

Dim streetlights behind Daichi acted as a distant light source, casting the building in a soft, white aura. 

No plants, no flowers, no signs, no signs of life. Even its features were bare. Nothing about the building felt alive or occupied, save for a car pulled off to the side. It felt out of place and jarring as Daichi walked down the slight hill that preceded the large, white building. A single light on the second floor was the only sign that anybody was even home, ignoring the car. But Daichi knew Suga didn’t own a vehicle of his own. 

_Maybe this isn’t a good idea._

_He’d understand if I cancelled._

_Right?_

He was closer to the house, now. He didn’t realize how quickly he was moving. Daichi’s pace slowed down yet again, and this time, he hoped it would stay that way as he approached. If he closed his eyes for even a second, he feared it would be inches away.

_You don’t have to tell him._

_No, you should._

_You will._

_Tell him._

_But…_

His feet reached the front door to Daichi’s internal dismay. It was far sooner than he had prepared for, and he double checked the address on his phone before he raised a hand. He took one breath in, and released. He inhaled again, before rearing back and finally knocking on Suga’s door.

_Maybe nobody’s home._

_Or they’re asleep._

_I can just come back later._

Moments passed, before indistinct voices spoke from within. Daichi tried in vain to hear what they were saying, before his eyes widened as the noise grew in volume. To his horror, the knock had done exactly what it was supposed to, and the voices gained an accompanying footfall, approaching the door.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

The door creaked open without so much as a lock being turned. It had been left open. _Was I supposed to just go in?_ A woman faced him with a terse expression, a fist full of cash and irritation written all over her face, before turning away from the door and retreating inside without so much as a greeting.

_Fuck._

_Was that the girlfriend?_

“Eiji, some guy at the door.”

“You let him in?”

“I left the door open.”

“Fuck’d you do _that_ for?”

“You mentioned some brat coming over!”

“Oh. _Suga’s_ friend.”

Daichi quietly shut the door as best he could, but upon closing it, he swore it sent off a resounding echo. He cringed, before facing the voices, which had both entered the entryway.

The woman from before stood pointedly, a hip cocked to the side, and a hand placed over her waist. She wore a pair of heels with a screen-printed leopard design. Daichi raised his gaze, taking in the sight of her plaid trousers, which contained numerous rips and tears across the front of the leg, likely a deliberate choice in design.

_Yikes._

The woman’s waist was covered by a bright pink skirt. It looked anything but purposeful as it clashed with the woman’s dark blouse, which was adorned by a series of bright white stripes, eloquently pairing with her tie dye scrunchie, which sat on her wrist. The woman’s terse expression slightly changed as she smirked at Daichi, clearly proud of her outfit choice, before he moved his gaze to the man next to her.

He was thin, a lanky arm rolling up the sleeve of his too-tight shirt. His dark pants matched better than any variation of combos on the woman next to him, but the belt visibly didn’t match his shoes. Unlike the woman, Daichi willed himself to take in the man’s features more clearly.

In the dim room, he could’ve been a taller Suga. The man’s hair was visibly slicked back, showing his aged features. A smug expression rested on his face as he took in Daichi’s presence.

_Eiji._

He opened his mouth.

“Well? Gonna introduce yourself?”

“Oh, I’m Daichi Sawamura. I’m here for Suga.”

“You going to rob the place while you’re at it?”

“What?”

“Such a big bag for a squirt like yourself. You gonna take all the goods while we’re out?”

“Uh, no, I’d never! I just… thought that maybe… I’d stay the night. If that’s oka-”

“-Shit, Suga’s already having _boy toys_ over a day after he decides this is his place.”

“Uh…”

Eiji’s attention drastically waned, and he turned away towards a room in the distance with a warm light source. The woman followed suit, a malicious grin on her face as Daichi removed his shoes, before following, quietly. He lingered in the space between rooms. Eiji’s voice returned.

“So what’s your goal, then?”

“Sorry?”

“What do you want?”

“Uh, I guess to make it through high school, for starters.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Eiji perched against a counter slovenly.

“Everyone’s got a goal. My brother wanted a family. His kid wanted independence. Me? I’m out to…”

He looked at the woman, raising his fist into the air and jerking it back and forth. She smirked, before looking away. Eiji returned his attention to Daichi.

“So what do you want?”

“Um… ”

“What do you want out of Suga?”

“Uh-”

“Are you fucking him?”

Laughter from Daichi’s right. A cold glare was in front of him. The man wasn’t doing it out of love or protection for Suga.

“No, we’re just going to do homework, probably.”

“Probably?”

Eiji paced towards him, scowling.

“Is that why you decided you were sleeping over? To do homework?”

“We’re just friends.”

“So you admit it, then.”

“What?”

The man looked back at the woman with a sickening grin.

“Another _fag_ in the house.”

Daichi shuddered at the other man’s words, before replanting his own feet and looking him in the eyes. The older man didn’t look like Suga anymore. His face was narrower, his eyes too wide and his nose crooked. His lips were thin, and weighed down by age lines. Daichi mustered up his courage as he spoke.

“I have no ill intentions towards Suga.”

The woman was laughing again, not even trying to hide her amusement at the scene in front of her. _Fuck off_. Eiji’s eyebrows tilted upwards, and he smiled wildly before turning and strolling towards the woman, who continued to grin.

“Fuck if I care. He’s not _my_ kid... apparently, this isn’t my house anymore, anyways. Whatever, doesn’t bother me.”

Daichi plastered a fake smile onto his face, before stepping in their direction, his feet lining up with a piece of furniture preceding a large stairwell, the top of which was covered by a blanket of darkness. Daichi’s focus drifted towards the cabinet instead, his hand grabbing a small polaroid from the top.

A family photo looked back at Daichi.

“This is a lovely photo,” he exclaimed. A quiet grunt was all that came out of the other room. He got an idea.

“Is this man on the right you from the 80s?”

“That’s my fucking brother, and it’s only a few years old, dipshit!”

Daichi smirked away from the voice and laughter, ignoring the insults in the face of pissing off the older man. Though Eiji masked his true reaction, he could tell he left a mark on the other man’s ego. _Good._ The woman continued to giggle, and the other man grumbled, heading out of the kitchen.

“Let’s go, already.”

Daichi turned towards the couple, who headed towards the door. Eiji opened the front door, leaving everyone behind without so much as looking back or acknowledging Daichi. The woman retained her pursed lips as she picked up a yellow cardigan, eyes locked onto Daichi as she did so.

“You know, you don’t _look_ that gay. You could probably change your mind and marry a _nice,_ pretty girl, and be better off.”

Daichi’s smile was wide and overwhelmingly natural as he responded.

“You know, you don’t look _that_ dumb to be wearing such tacky clothes for work. You could _probably_ change into something that matched and be better off.”

Her smirk immediately dropped, the volume in her lips reduced to a thin, flat line as the color drained from her face.

“We’re going out for dinner…”

“Oh, my mistake. Have a wonderful time!”

Daichi placed a hand on the door, practically ushering the woman out of the door. She didn’t hide her disgusted expression in front of Daichi’s bright smile. He shut the door quickly and forcefully, no longer caring about how loud it sounded for the venomous couple outside.

_So that was Eiji._

He locked the door.

Daichi faced the rest of the house, which had gotten considerably quieter without Eiji and his girlfriend. The dim lights from the kitchen bounced oddly around the rest of the space, leaving dark shadows in the far corners of his sight. A single room in the hallway ahead remained open, and Daichi squinted to identify the dim bed and fur coat which rested on the floor. A picture frame on a desk in the corner had a picture frame, but its contents were hidden. Eiji had likely pushed it down to avoid looking at whoever was in the photo. 

_Or he just dropped it._

Daichi returned his attention to the rest of the house, perching on a couch in the living room. He waited for several minutes, listening to the quiet hum of the radiator and the sound of a car starting up outside. Through the window, Daichi watched the headlights fade and disappear over the distant ridge he’d walked down, earlier.

_Good riddance._

As he relaxed further into the seat, he became distinctly aware of something nagging at him. The radiator hummed monotonously, a quiet drone filling the air. In the dark shadows of the room, in the corners of the room, and in the space between rooms, Daichi became more aware of the space he sat in. It built up, creeping through his mind with a quiet sense of foreboding.

_Is it always this quiet?_

He looked at the walls, plain and untouched. Whatever had been hung there left a mark, but it had long been removed.

_Is Suga always this… alone?_

A door opened above him. The floorboards creaked softly, and the door was shut, again. Light footfalls sounded, passing overhead, before Daichi focused on the stairs ahead of him. In the dark void created at the top of the stairs, he struggled to identify anything.

Then, a sock dipped below the dark frame. Then another descended to a step lower. Bit by bit, pale legs appeared, then dark, baggy linen shorts, then a light blue shirt. It had the word ‘potato’ printed over it, with a small picture of French fries on the bottom of the shirt. Finally, Suga’s head lowered past the dark threshold, coming into the soft light.

His hair looked damp, sticking up in odd directions, shielding his face, which looked relaxed and at ease. A gentle smile rested on his face as he approached the bottom of the stairs, eyes drifting around the room. Finally, they settled on Daichi, and…

_Oh._

Suga’s face lit up, his eyes shining softly. His smile widened, endearingly as the corner of his lips ticked upwards. His shirt billowed behind him, all his features a sudden blur as he increased his pace. He hurried towards Daichi with an unexpected enthusiasm as he opened his mouth.

_He’s beautiful._

“Daichi! How long have you been waiting?”

“Not long, really.”

“Are you sure? This place isn’t exactly the most inviting.”

“I’m happy to wait any time, although that shirt fills me with unbridled rage every time I see it.”

Suga giggled.

_Yes._

_Good._

“You’re gonna have to deal with it all night.”

_Does he want me to stay?_

“How will I manage?”

“Poorly.”

Both boys chuckled lightly, a quiet tension alleviated.

“Can I get you anything? Food? A Drink?”

“Gosh Suga, don’t you think we’re a bit _young_ for that?”

Suga reached Daichi and swatted the side of his arm, enough for it to sting.

“You know what I meant.”

“Psh…”

Daichi couldn’t help but stare into Suga’s eyes. The soft amber color reflected beautifully in the soft light, a brilliant combination with his tousled hair. It was hypnotic to look at Suga this long. He desperately tried to find words to fill the space between them, settling on a quiet voice with a gentle smile.

“Yeah, I did.”

Suga beamed at him with upturned eyebrows, visibly confused as he headed towards the kitchen.

“Okay… I’m gonna get you a water. Did something weird happen while I was putting my brother to bed?”

“Aside from meeting Eiji and his girlfriend and insulting each of them in roundabout ways? Nah, not really.”

Suga stopped in his tracks, turning back at Daichi with an odd expression.

“Both of them?”

“Yeah, I might have indirectly said... he looked really old.”

"He seem bummed?"

"A bit, yeah."

“And the girlfriend?”

Daichi twiddled his thumbs.

“I kinda called her style mismatched... and dumb.”

Even the radiator seemed to silence itself. Suga pursed his lips, his eyes wide. For long seconds, he just stared at Daichi, processing what he’d just heard. Then, he promptly burst into laughter, a hand gripping the counter to steady himself as he wiped a tear from his eye with the other.

“Oh, man, Dai! I can’t tell you how much I’ve been wanting to say _something_ to her.”

"I feel awful about it, though. Kind of a low blow."

"Don't stress it, she's done worse. When I tried to be the better person, it didn't always make things better. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but people like them? Those types of journeys aren't linear. Same with us, but... different."

"But... shouldn't I have said something nice, instead of just matching her energy?"

"You already have."

"Huh?"

"So many times..."

Suga smiled a calm, dreamy smile as he turned away, again. Daichi relaxed his shoulders and released a deep breath of relief at Suga’s response, before perking up.

“Oy, Suga?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask… what’s your plan after high school?”

The grin on Suga’s face visibly faded.

“Well… I’m not totally sure, to be honest. Do you?”

_I wanna follow you to the ends of the earth._

“Uh, no, not really. I thought about doing community college, but I don’t know if there’s any merit in moving out, then.”

“M-hmm.”

Suga set down a glass in front of Daichi, before moseying to the far end of the couch. He hesitated for a moment, before sinking into the couch. For long seconds, they were quiet, looking at nothing in particular. Finally, Suga spoke.

“I wouldn’t mind doing the same thing.”

Daichi smiled.

“I don’t think I could move out, though. I’d have to sell the place to Eiji, and I _know_ he doesn’t have the money for it.”

“Does it… feel like a home to you?”

“How do you mean?”

“This place is a house. But... does it feel like your home?”

Suga looked at his hands.

“I don’t know. Not right now, with Eiji still here. But… I don’t know. It’s not all bad memories, here, but I’m scared of whatever new memories _might_ come out of this house, still. I love Miyagi, but I need to kick Eiji out if I’m going to keep this place at all. Then, I have to make sure I can afford it if I do all of that!”

“Are you in need of a roommate?”

Suga chuckled.

“Another one? You’d be as bad as my little brother, crying and begging for food.”

“Psh, I would not.”

“Would too.”

Daichi stuck out his tongue. Suga did the same, before flashing his middle finger. Daichi dramatically flopped about in his seat and the two giggled quietly. He looked up at the ceiling, again.

“Is he asleep, already?”

“M-hmm. He’s out like a rock, honestly. You wouldn’t believe the sounds he _hasn’t_ woken up to.”

“I don’t think I wanna know.”

“You really don’t.”

This time, Daichi looked at his hands for a moment, lost in quiet contemplation. Suga heaved a quiet breath just as Daichi rose to his feet. He started pulling his shoes on without a word, much to Suga’s confusion. The older boy rose to his feet and warily stepped towards Daichi.

“Uh, everything okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t they?”

“I don’t know, you just look like… you’re _leaving_.”

“I am… and _you’re_ coming with me.”

“What?”

“Just for a few minutes, trust me. We’ll be back before your brother wakes up.”

“Wha- hang on.”

Suga dashed out of sight, heading up the stairs, leaving Daichi in the entryway. Long seconds passed in silence, as he stood waiting. Finally, soft padding came his way, as Suga returned, two jackets in hand. He tossed one to Daichi.

“Thanks for waiting, it’s not getting any warmer any time soon.”

“Heh, good idea. I don’t know if it’s that cold though-”

Suga pinched Daichi’s side, prompting a yelp out of the bulkier man.

“You still want that jacket or not?”

“Jackass.”

“You love me and you know it.”

_Yeah._

_I kinda do._

“Come on, let’s go.”

The door shut quietly behind both boys, and while Suga locked up, Daichi slowly paced down towards the quiet road on the hill. Twilight had long passed, and a faint streetlight was all that lit the path ahead. Suga caught up with Daichi, and the pair headed off, crossing the road and heading into the park.

For long minutes, the pair walked in comfortable silence. The quiet path ahead of them curved and bent in odd angles, leading them onwards. The heavy cloud coverage rendered their sight practically useless, with only the distant glow of a town over a distant ridge shining in the distance.

At first, the going was easy enough. The curving trail started smooth and easily traversable. It was straightforward enough.

But after just a few minutes, the trees grew denser, and the path thinned. It became less managed, and the trail began to wind in odd directions. It pushed and squeezed against the pair’s steps, the trees compelling them closer.

Daichi’s shoulder lightly bumped Suga’s. Suga bumped Daichi’s. Their hands lightly bounced off each other’s, their steps closer than ever before in the narrow path. The canopy began to form a natural tunnel around them, and Daichi ducked his head to avoid running into loose bramble.

The path curved ever onwards, ebbing and flowing in waves of smooth, well kept dirt trails, and burly, knotted tree-stump littered passages. Daichi had to stop himself from falling a few times. Neither boy made a peep.

They slowed their steps as the trail became more unruly, feet testing out new territory each time, securing their balance. In the slowing tread, the dense trees managed to close in even further. The thick trunks gently pushed them closer than Daichi thought possible.

Their shoulders were consistently leaned against the other, now. Daichi’s legs were moving at a snail’s pace, his eyes unfocused as he stared ahead into the dim, dark nothingness, ahead. Suga’s hand lightly brushed against Daichi’s, and…

_Ooh._

Suga’s hand didn’t shy away, this time. It _lingered_ ; his knuckles lightly pressed against Daichi’s. For long seconds, Daichi tried to mask his shock, and focused on relaxing his breaths, now the most audible thing in the park.

Suga’s hand still hadn’t moved. Daichi tried to ignore the contact that was making his heart flutter, but his mind had other ideas. For a brief moment, he thought about reaching out and grabbing Suga’s hand.

_Maybe he wouldn’t mind..._

_I need to tell him._

_But this would be so much easier..._

_And I can play it off, if he moves it away._

Daichi’s index finger started to point away from his own body, towards Suga. Then, another, then two more. He slowly tilted his whole wrist. His fingertips lightly brushed against the back of Suga’s hand. The older boy made no mention of it.

_Almost there._

_Do it._

Daichi’s hand was right there. He just had to turn it around, and grab Suga’s. He quietly took in another breath, gritting his teeth in the dark. He could just make out Suga’s silhouette as a distant light illuminated their surroundings. He turned his hand, ready to wrap it around Suga’s. Finally, he reached around to hold Suga’s hand, and-

“You know…”

Daichi immediately swiped his hand back to where it was.

“I’ve lived near this park my whole life, and I’ve never really explored it.”

Daichi released an audible sigh of relief at the revelation, his mind immediately ignoring what had just transpired. He’d thank Asahi and the second years later for the idea to enter the park. He quickly changed his demeanor to respond to Suga.

“I mean, me neither. It’s not too far, but I just never got around to it.”

“Wait, so do you know where you’re going?”

“Mostly. I saw part of where we’re heading from a distance, but getting there seems to be-”

His leg caught on a stump, and Daichi felt himself flailing towards the ground. He hoped there wasn’t a stump directly where his nose was headed.

_That would be unfortunate._

Instead, a hand dove after his form, grabbing him at the last moment. Suga held him by the bicep, a single hand holding him from the ground. He pulled him back up to his feet quickly, before patting Daichi on the shoulder.

“Difficult.”

Suga chuckled. Slowly, they begin to walk forward, again, wary of more roots and stumps. As time seemed to blur out of comprehension, neither boy spoke a word. It was quiet.

Finally, Suga broke the silence.

“You know, we’re kind of developing a theme, here.”

“How so?”

“Wandering around in the woods, in the dark, like local cryptids.”

Daichi snorted.

“I mean, tell me I’m wrong!”

“Maybe later.”

Suga elbowed Daichi in the side, before growing more serious.

“We... still haven’t talked about last time, huh?”

Daichi didn’t respond, silent as the trail began to even out. They picked up the pace and rounded a turn that left the way blocked by a fan of bushes. Daichi began to push through while Suga talked, a hint of worry in his tone.

“Dai, I think it could be _good_ to talk about it.”

He remained quiet, noticeably increasing his force as he shoved more plants to the side. The road cleared up, and Suga followed just behind, his pace quickening to keep up with Daichi. The shorter boy was just short of trotting.

“Dai…”

Suga’s voice sounded guilty.

_It’s not you._

A hand touched Daichi’s back.

“Please…”

Daichi turned back, his features hidden in the darkness. If it were brighter, he would have put on a more convincing smile as he spoke.

“We’re here!”

“Huh?”

Daichi reached for a large bush, carefully pulling it to the side. Light crept through in an intense beam. It almost felt as bright as daylight, if only for a moment.

Before them, a tiny hidden oasis sat in quiet peace. A small bench rested on a small hill, while a creek flowed behind it, before swirling around and towards them. Suga stepped forward in awe, his eyes following the long abandoned and unkempt creek.

It swirled and pulsed, ebbing and flowing in a once well-kept shape, likely a figure eight. A second hill was captured within the thin creek’s path, appearing slightly shorter than the first hill. Daichi watched as Suga’s gaze rose up the hill, higher and higher. At the top…

“Another torii gate.”

The moon crept noticeably further out of the clouds. The water picked up its light, casting streaky reflections over the bottom portion of the gate, the bench on the other hill, and as Suga stepped closer towards the intersecting section of the creek, it engulfed him in a light blue hue, dancing across his features wildly.

_Suga…_

“This is beautiful, Dai…”

“Yeah…”

_You are._

“Where did you even find something like this?”

“Our second years are nature lovers, it seems.”

Suga furrowed his brow.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not talking about Ennoshita, Narita or Kinnoshita?”

Daichi hid a coy smile and faced the bench at the top of the first hill. His legs ached from all the uphill walking they’d done already, but the promise of a seat was too enticing to ignore. Suga turned away from the site before him, and followed him up.

A small tree was growing behind the bench, but as Daichi fell into the seat, he realized the rest of the forest lay below him. The hill didn’t seem that high up from the ground. Now, though, his view of the sky was unobstructed. As the moon’s light began to expand more clearly, the view became more and more unclouded, too.

Brilliant twinkling lights dazzled his eyes, the clearest view he’d had of them, aside from the trip. It was enchanting. He could’ve looked at it for hours, just thinking about how small it made him feel. Here he was, just a tiny speck of _dust_ , or a blink in the eyes of the universe. Even here, it was just him and the sky, and Suga.

_Just us._

Daichi turned his head towards the silver-haired boy, who stared right back at him.

He didn’t look happy.

Daichi flinched preemptively in case Suga was planning on swatting his arm for something, but he didn’t. The boy looked serious, more now than he’d ever seen him in the years they’d known each other. His eyes bore into Daichi’s skull, and fearing for the secrets he’d find, Daichi tried to cower from the older boy’s gaze, squirming in his seat. His visible discomfort got through to Suga, and he let his stare down. Quietly, he spoke to the grass between his own feet, words echoing into Daichi’s ears.

“We need to talk about the trip.”

Daichi was silent for long seconds, and Suga began to probe him.

“I know you might not want to, and I upset you-”

“No.”

Suga’s shoulders relaxed a little. He waited for a moment, but Daichi couldn’t form the right words. When Suga continued, his voice was low, a drawn-out whisper.

“What is it, then?”

“That night, I wasn’t sure what headspace _you_ were in...“

“Oh.”

“And I didn’t want to hurt you in more ways than one by saying something I shouldn’t have.”

This time, Suga was quiet. He didn’t say anything for a long time, eyes shut tightly. When he did speak, he sounded frail.

“And now?”

“I think you’ve come really far and made a lot of progress. You’re such a crazy, head-strong jackass sometimes, I don’t even know how you manage to convince everybody you’re a saint.”

Suga chuckled.

“You mean I’m not?”

“Definitely not.”

“Psh.”

“But at the same time, you’re the best person I’ve met or probably ever will meet. Even in more than one lifetime, I don’t think I could ever meet somebody like you. And whether you’re in the right headspace or not, _that_ won’t change.”

Suga’s eyes opened, eyes level with the gate on the adjacent hill. A tear brushed his cheek, but he smiled all the same. Daichi spoke as he watched.

“But you being in the right headspace, that’s something only you can decide for yourself.”

Suga’s smile turned wistful, his eyes dreamily hooked to the gate. He wasn’t sure, but he could’ve sworn Daichi saw his eyebrows turned downwards. Finally, Suga spoke again, a more resolute flicker in his eyes.

“I am.”

Daichi beamed at him.

“Okay.”

_Now to do the hard part._

Daichi’s smile faded, the color leaving his face as he took in a deep breath.

“That night, I wasn’t made at you. I wasn’t even really _mad_ , just... irritated.”

“Irritated? Why is that?”

“I don’t know, I…”

Suga placed a hand on Daichi’s shoulder, and he resisted the urge to place his own hand on Suga's leg.

“Do you still feel irritated about things?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Do you think you’re irritated at someone?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it me?”

“No, I told you-”

“The team?”

“No.”

“Then who?”

Daichi hung his head.

“I’m irritated at myself.”

Suga lowered his hands to Daichi’s, resting them over the captain’s palms. His voice was soothing.

“Why?”

Daichi kept his eyes glued to the ground as he responded, the near opposite of how he _ever_ presented himself to anybody.

“I was disappointed in myself over what happened, but not for the reason you think.”

Suga’s hands remained on top of Daichi’s.

“Please… tell me... I can handle it.”

_Here goes nothing._

“I was irritated because... I didn’t do anything about it.”

_Fuck._

Daichi shuffled his knees away from Suga, his hands pulling out of reach of the silver-haired boy, who’s hands hovered momentarily, before returning to his own lap as he responded quietly.

“What do you mean?”

Daichi sighed.

_Way to make it about you._

“Fuck, I… I don’t you to-”

Suga flicked Daichi’s knee.

Hard.

Instinctively, the captain straightened his leg slightly, like a patient getting a reflex test. For long seconds, he sat there in silence. His eyes slide over towards Suga, who sat equally perplexed by the sight in front of him. Finally, Suga opened his mouth, slightly in shock as he spoke.

“I was just trying to get you out of your head for a moment, but then you just…”

Both boys cracked a grin at the same time, before bursting into laughter. Their voices echoed over the treetops freely, falling into hysterics for a moment. Finally, both calmed down, Suga still giggling slightly as Daichi held a relaxed smile. He was far more relaxed as he listened to Suga.

“What I was trying to say was that I trust you. Whatever it is, we can face this and come out the other side stronger. This is _your_ time to deal with what you are going through, okay Dai? You helped me, and now it’s my turn to do the same for you. Don’t overthink it, I’ll support you either way.”

_Either way._

Daichi took a calm breath in, facing Suga once more. The moonlight glowed fiercely, the creek’s reflection just barely reaching either boy’s torso. Daichi released his breath, and slowly held out his hands. Suga took them readily.

“I really don’t-”

“Shush, I promise it’ll be _okay_ , and I won’t freak out.”

“Okay…”

Suga’s grin flattened into a gentle smile, supporting Daichi as best as he could. Their hands, lightly intertwined, were held together by Suga, while Daichi merely stared at the sight in front of him. They’d never been this close.

_We might never be, again._

Suga flicked Daichi’s wrist with the vantage point he had. Quietly, Daichi sighed again, and nodded to himself, quietly. The light was fading. Finally, with his back rested against the bench and his eyes focused on Suga’s left hand, he began to speak. He was quiet.

“I didn’t do anything about what happened that night, and I should have… I still think about all of the things I should have done.”

“Like, to Tanaka for the _dare?_ Or…?”

Daichi shook his head.

“About us.”

“Huh?”

Daichi shut his eyes and lingered in silence for long seconds before he continued.

“I… damn, this is _so_ much harder than Yui made it seem.”

“Michimiya? What…?”

“I…”

Daichi opened his eyes. Suga was looking at him with a calm and greatly confused smile. _You have to tell him._ Daichi sighed again, and hugged Suga tightly. Seconds passed, before Suga’s hands made contact around Daichi’s back as he chuckled lightly. In a whisper, Suga spoke into his ear.

“You never were one for talking about your feelings, huh?”

“Guilty.”

Both boys chuckled softly, still wrapped in a tight embrace. He feels nice. Daichi stiffened up slightly. He had an idea. But he wanted to enjoy this a moment longer. Suga placed a light hand over Daichi’s neck, supporting his weight better, and…

_Oh._

_This is really nice._

For long seconds, they sat there quietly.

_No more time for delay._

_Do it._

Daichi was the first to pull back. Suga gently loosened his grip on the other boy, limbs falling away and unravelling. Their fingertips were going to disconnect. Daichi gripped Suga’s hands before they could. This time, Daichi was the one holding Suga’s hands tightly.

_Do it._

Daichi’s grip relaxed, and Suga rested his hands in Daichi’s, his face dark and full of concern. The moon was practically covered by a tall, narrow cloud. The reflection dimmed greatly, leaving both boys alone together in the darkness. The night was quiet.

_Do it._

Daichi leaned forward, his head lingering closer than two friends would usually be. Suga was motionless in the darkness. Even the sounds of the forest went silent. It was dead quiet. Seconds passed.

Suga wasn’t leaning in. He wasn’t going to.

_Fuck._

Daichi leant back.

At first, Daichi didn’t register the sensation. It was light and feathery as it brushed against his skin, slightly off the mark in the veiled dark. But then he recognized it. It was _wispy_. He shut his eyes.

It was _Suga._

Daichi placed a hand on the side of Suga’s face, mapping his features out in the dark. He didn’t see anything as his eyes remained shut. A brow, a chin, a nose, a mouth. _Lips._ Daichi leaned in… and kissed him, tenderly.

_This is really happening._

And Suga kissed him back.

Daichi felt his insides melt. Suga held him close, hands gripping his shoulders firmly. His lips were soft and delicate but pushed with great ferocity. _Some angel._ Daichi’s body felt lighter and lighter the longer Suga’s mouth connected with his. He felt like he could fly away just as Suga pulled back. Daichi fell back to the ground, facing the other boy with full attention as he spoke.

“Dai, are you sure?”

He nodded.

“More than anything in the world. You?”

Suga chuckled lightly, and spoke in a hushed whisper.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time.”

“You have?”

Suga flicked Daichi’s knee, again.

“Duh! Even before I knew you liked me, I was crushing pretty badly.”

“Wait, you knew I liked you?”

“You spent like thirty seconds checking me out after practice, once.”

Daichi spluttered for a moment.

“W-well, you should’ve said something!”

“Nah.”

Suga rested further against the bench, comfortably.

“You needed to be sure how you felt. I’ve got so much… _gunk_ … in my life, and you’ve been there for me through most of the worst of it, but I couldn’t ask you something like that. It had to be from you, I think. And I’m glad you did.”

Daichi visibly relaxed, his hands resting on his lap. Suga continued to look up at the sky, a wistful smile resting on his face. He cocked his head to the side as Daichi spoke.

“I am too.”

“Yeah, why’s that?”

“Psh, you know why.”

“Well, you could tell me, or maybe…”

Suga turned his head away from the clouds, a mischievous glint in his eyes. The moon was re-emerging from behind the cloud, its light revitalizing the pair. The creek’s reflection bounced back onto them, thin streaky lines dancing cross their features. Suga placed a hand on Daichi’s knee, before continuing to whisper.

“Show me.”

Their lips connected, pushing against the other with more force than before. For close to a minute, their mouths collided without a break or new breath, hands gripping the other’s back fiercely. Suga’s left hand wrapped around Daichi’s neck. Daichi wrapped a leg around Suga’s thigh.

_Holy shit._

_Is that too much?_

Daichi creaked an eye open, wary of Suga’s presence. The last thing he wanted was to make the other boy uncomfortable. Instead, his eyes remained closed, pure bliss written over his face. Daichi closed his eye, again.

Their hands raked along the other’s backs, fingernails dragging against cotton jumper and jacket. The distinct scents of lavender and cheap shampoo merged and collided in Daichi’s nose, his senses absorbing _almost_ too much of Suga all at once.

But not quite.

He could never get too much of Suga.

He deepened the kiss, and Suga matched him. He wrapped his arms around Suga’s neck, and the other boy gripped Daichi’s shoulders tightly. Every move was matched, every desire met. Minutes passed in silence, except for quiet rustling as they moved, pushing and pulling at each other like water in a harbor.

Daichi leaned back, slightly out of breath; it was sloppy, but it was theirs.

A first kiss.

_Holy shit._

It was heavenly. The light reflected peacefully, soft bouncing light coloring Suga a lovely blue as he sat against the back rest, again, a bright, beaming smile on his face. One of his hands rested on Daichi’s thigh, the other in his grasp. He was holding on just as tightly as he breathed a deep breath that felt monumental and whole.

Watching Suga at peace was overly sensational. Daichi drank up the sight like a deserted traveler finding water in a bountiful oasis. Suga was happy, and his visible expression of it was far more satiating than any joy Daichi had ever recalled.

_He looks…_

_Happy._

Suga leaned into Daichi’s shoulder, his weight light and comforting. As his back rested against Daichi’s chest, the pair warmed up as they looked ahead to the gate on the other hill. The sight was otherworldly, and they sat in silence for long minutes.

_He’s come so far._

_And I’m right here with him._

_We’re in this together._

_We’re…_

Suga’s elbow directly planted itself into Daichi’s gut with more force than Daichi could comprehend as Suga pushed himself off the bench in a flash. The mood gone, and Daichi’s stomach threatening to throw up his lunch, dinner, and a couple organs, he groggily faced Suga. The other boy didn’t hesitate to speak at full volume.

“Fuck!”

“What?”

“How long have we been out here? My brother might wake up alone.”

“You said he slept through everything right?”

“Yeah, and _you_ said we’d be out for five minutes.”

“Fair.”

“You know the way back?”

Suga turned towards the bramble below him, scanning for the path they’d taken back, earlier. Daichi interrupted his thoughts, still a bit slumped over from Suga’s rocket-speed launch off Daichi’s battered and aching body. He stomached it for Suga, though, and raise his hand up as he spoke, a finger pointing towards the location he first spotted the hills prior to entering Suga’s house.

“Nah, but we can make it back faster that way, over there.”

Suga squinted in the direction Daichi’s finger was pointed.

“Is that…?”

“A much faster way out than the way we got in? Yes.”

“Looks like an easier road from here, too.”

“Also correct.”

Suga playfully swatted Daichi’s bicep.

“Why’d we take the tree tunnel from hell, then?!”

“Dramatic flair.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with me, already.”

“Aw, poor baby.”

“Either I’ll have to be the mature and loving one between us now, or you have to unlearn the cool personality that rubbed off from me.”

“You? Mature?”

“Pick your poison.”

“Psh.”

Suga wrapped his arm around Daichi, dramatically showering praises and affections. Daichi chuckled, before his grin softened a bit, too. He smiled gratefully as the pair sauntered down the hill, together, before flinching when Suga jumped onto his back.

For a moment, he simply focused on keeping his balance, while Suga's limbs writhed quickly over his shoulders. They slowed, finding a comfortable resting place, and Daichi steadied himself. Smirking, he began the trek downhill, again.

_Only for Suga._

The moon began to fade behind another cloud, again as the pair approached a large, natural trail covering they had spotted from above. Now, the large, looming leaves lost their air of hostility, though not demystified. From a distance, Daichi could swear he saw a thin fog settling low to the ground.

_Good thing we have an easier path, ahead._

Daichi smiled to himself as Suga detached himself from his back to walk ahead. They’d have plenty of time to be close. Quietly, Daichi held the leaf covering away for Suga to pass ahead before him. But he hesitated to follow.

Instead, his eyes lingered back on the Torii Gate, stationary and tiny from a distance. In a way, Daichi saw himself walking through it, returning him to the mountains, with its brisk air and cool nights. _And Suga_. A shiver ran up his spine just at the thought of it.

They would return to this place, again. Of that, Daichi was certain. But he wanted to return to the cabin, sometime, too. He wanted to experience everything again with Suga.

The creek’s light bounced up and down the two hills excitedly, diminishing as the moon faded further. Its light was leaving, for now. Its beauty remained in Daichi’s mind.

“Dai? You alright?”

He turned back towards Suga, wrapping an arm around the older boy’s shoulder, comfortably. _I can do this, now._ He sleepily nestled his head into Suga’s clavicle as the pair walked off, together. He was quiet as he responded to Suga.

“Yeah… just... getting one last look.”

Suga planted a soft kiss on Daichi’s forehead, melting his insides for the hundredth time that day as he felt the older boy’s heat warm him.

He felt right.


End file.
